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I have a question for you all:
An elderly lady came around for Tzeddakah to my home today. I gave her a donation and she asked me if she can use the bathroom in my apt. Normally I’d say no because I’m scared to let a stranger in. However, she looked perfectly ok and respectful to me, and I knew my hub was walking in any second so I won’t be alone.
Problem was- my kids were bathing at that time so I had to refuse her request. I felt very bad.
Should I have taken my kids out of the bath quickly so the woman can use the facility? I felt like I lost a mitzvah. But my kids were sitting and playing so nicely in the bathtub.
I did tell her to try other neighbors, and if they don’t let her in, she should come back and I’ll get my kids out of there.
Why do I feel guilty?
If you explained that the bathroom is occopied, I beleive people understand that.
nothing wrong with what you did.
We all know the concept of giving away our own bed for a guest, but if the neighbor next door has an empty room to offer is it a mitzvah for us to sleep on the floor and give our bed away?
We all know the concept of giving away our own bed for a guest, but if the neighbor next door has an empty room to offer is it a mitzvah for us to sleep on the floor and give our bed away?
You just sparked a rant:
I am very against people who give up their kids beds for a guest.
You think you are teaching chessed. But, chessed is when you give up from yourself for others; you are teaching to give up from someone else for others.
If you want to teach chessed, give up your own bed.
Are your kids old enough to bathe without an adult? If not, isn’t it dangerous to leave them to answer the door?
“You just sparked a rant:
I am very against people who give up their kids beds for a guest.
You think you are teaching chessed. But, chessed is when you give up from yourself for others; you are teaching to give up from someone else for others.
If you want to teach chessed, give up your own bed.”
Like the fellow who dosn’t put an air condition in the kids room because he wants to teach them “histapkus b’miyut” but of course he has one in his room.
Poppa; I DISAGREE WITH YOU 100%!!! when we we raising our older children we had the ZECHUS of giving up our beds many times for a tzaddik and co. my children developed wonderful midos from that! My younger children unfortunately didnt have that zechus and you could tell the difference!! spoil your children and they will spit in your face when they get older!!
If you teach your kids about Tzedakah before they have their own money or allowance, they will grow up thinking the Mitzvah is to ask your parents for money to give to a cause.
Don’t feel so guilty. Realistically, by the time you would have gotten your kids out of the bath, she probably would have gone to another apartment anyway because who can wait that long?
People who ask their kids to give up their beds are generally people who would give up their own beds, too.
There was once a father asking a brachah from the Chazon Ish that his son should be a masmid, the reply was that kids do what their parents do, if you will learn then they will learn, if you will ask for brachos then they will ask for brachos for THEIR children.
Poppa you are off!!! I wrote “we” gave up our beds not only the children!! This is real chinuch and they are much better off for it!! You teach your children never to give up their comforts whatever tney might be and see how caring they are for someone else when they grow up?? Everyone does as they wish……… I wish I still had the oppurtunity to do it…… I have no regrets only fond memories and so do my children!
POPPA ; you remind me of an old thread about a woman in shule with her daughter. there was an older woman who wanted her daughters seat! Remember that one? That was chinuch??? todays generation is so chutzpadik and who’s fault is it? I certainly was not brought up that way!
I can’t talk for a rav but I don’t think it was a case of right or wrong. Someone would have been inconvenienced either way.
Popa: Agree. I remember in school once a teacher was doing something and another teacher told a student to go help (Mrs. Friedman). The first thought that went through my head: You want to do Chessed so badly, or if you think someone should do it for her, you do it. Don’t tell me, if you want to teach me, show me.
(Sorry, that was worded badly)
So parents and teachers should never ask a child to do a Chesed? This doesn’t sound too Jewish. A parent and teacher must be mchanech a child, and often that includes asking him to do a Chesed rather than the parent or teacher doing the Chesed himself. Furthermore, just like a child should give up his chair when none are available to an older person, he too should give up his bed before making an older child do so.
shein: Its not about doing one Chessed, its about teaching it. Sometimes people think the Chessed should be done but don’t really want to do it, so they ask someone else to. Its a lot easier to ask a kid to give up his bed than do it yourself. Would you define that as teaching Chessed? I define it as being lazy.
“If you teach your kids about Tzedakah before they have their own money or allowance, they will grow up thinking the Mitzvah is to ask your parents for money to give to a cause.”
I never thought about that. This is such a revelation. I did/do think it’s a mitzvah to ask my parents for money to give it to a cause.
Is it a mitzvah? If they give to me because I am in need, then technically I am not supposed to take charity to give charity. Though I do sometimes ask my parents specifically for money to give to tzedakah.
Is that permissible if they already are stretching beyond their limits? Goodness, writing this out really makes me think about it in a different way. Thank you
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