October 1, 2009 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #590515
what to give at simchas?October 1, 2009 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #661392bygirl31Member
wat type of simcha? but cash is always accepted 🙂October 1, 2009 7:18 pm at 7:18 pm #661393
da best way to do it is to recycle a gift that u received and put it away till pesach comes and uve got no idea where to put it! f’real any time u get something u dotn like just keep it somewhere so by a next time u have a simcha u can give it to someone who can use it.
if that isnt possible then think of something that the person will appreciate adn USE u really gotta specify what kind of simcha it is though.October 1, 2009 7:19 pm at 7:19 pm #661394
yeh joseph, thats the real way to do it man!
WHAT A TEN LETTER WORD THAT STARTS WITH G- E- L-T?
yeh its said but its the truth~ mazel tov v’rok smachot!October 1, 2009 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #661395bygirl31Member
haha i like that sunflower!!October 1, 2009 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #661396
For true friends, the best gift is actually showing up on time & warm wishes,
for the rest, a check that doesn’t bounce. or cash that’s not counterfeit.October 1, 2009 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #661397mepalMember
It also depends on who you are giving the gift to, and whether you care if the gift is useful or not.
Lately, we’ve given a nice, real silver picture frame for the new couples. They seemed to really like the idea; its useful (to put your chussen/kallah picture in) and not the kind of thing you’d buy for yourself.October 2, 2009 12:15 am at 12:15 am #661398SJSinNYCMember
I always vote for money or something they registered for. Most people register nowadays and you can find that online easily.October 2, 2009 12:45 am at 12:45 am #661399
I would ONLY give cash or a check to a new couple. They do NOT need your recycled re-gifts, and unless you know for sure that they like silver, or do not have certain appliances or vases, or candy dishes, etc. please don’t give stuff like that to them, just to be rid of it. Save those things for housewarming gifts when you are invited over. A bar-mitzvah bochur can also use money. If you absolutely feel you can’t bring yourself to do that, give a gift certificate to a seforim store in his neighborhood. Don’t assume that “REALLY GREAT” sefer that just came out, will be of interest to a 13 year old boy. If it is, he will use the certificate to buy it. Or maybe he will be a bunch of Shwekey tapes. Either way, it will be something he wants.
And Bein Hasedorim, while everything you said is true, IMO it still is the right thing to give a gift of something tangible. It doesn’t have to break your bank. Many bochurim go to weddings of friends and give nothing. I personally think that is wrong, they could all chip in, if money is an issue (as it usually is for a bochur) and get one gift from “the chevra.” I do feel that iof a wedding is out of town and the bochurim have to pay for travelling and accommodations, then, maybe their attendance is also a gift.October 2, 2009 1:53 am at 1:53 am #661400
whoa! don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean it that way. That one should consider
themselves so special that a gift isn’t necessary? No way.
I was saying in general when you show up to a good friends wedding very late,
fress up & give a check, your not Yoitze is what i’m saying. It would be more
appreciated if one showed up on time, gave warm wishes & then a check.
I can’t speak for bochurim, they really dont have much money,
& it’s accepted that they dont give. Unless your very tight with the guy,
(feeling bad now for the guy who’s tight with everyone.)
but what they lack in money they give in Koichus, dancing away & sweating tons,
& singing till they’re hoarse, to be M’sameach Chosson V’kallah!!!October 2, 2009 3:14 am at 3:14 am #661401
“but what they lack in money they give in Koichus, dancing away & sweating tons,
& singing till they’re hoarse, to be M’sameach Chosson V’kallah!!! “
For certain!October 2, 2009 3:24 am at 3:24 am #661402
yikes oomis! i just meant to have said to recycle for small simchos if ure really desperate.u know that if u r tight or u just caant find anything to give. but who days that the things that u recycle need to be something like junky and taking up space? maybe u just know have a need for it?October 2, 2009 1:31 pm at 1:31 pm #661403HIEParticipant
for those who are in kollel and cant afford it, a small set of seforim is good. Because if your giving cash at a wedding it doesn’t look good to give less than 100October 2, 2009 2:32 pm at 2:32 pm #661404
Someone gave me for a wedding present a plastic table top radio shaped like the American Flag. This was a good friend of my parents, in no way financially restricted. She just saw nothing wrong with giving me something which she obviously picked up at a bazaar or won in a raffle or something. It was hideous. I wrote her a lovely thank you note anyway, and gave it to a kid who thought it was funny.
It might not look “good” to give less than $100, but not all people can afford to do so, and should not feel pressured to. Give what you can. It’s a gift, not a debt repayment. If recycling is done, it shouldn’t be because you didn’t like the gift yourself and need to get rid of it. That just is not the spirit of a gift.October 2, 2009 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #661405yoshiMember
At my wedding, I got my paycheck. Yay…October 2, 2009 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #661406artchillParticipant
A gift certificate to a Jewish owned store with reasonable prices. The baal simcha is happy, and the store owner is happy. Best of both worlds.
It’s almost Yom Tov, I’ll hand it over to my assistant now.
Gut Yom Tov to all!!October 2, 2009 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #661407
It is nice of you to be so thoughtful and giving, when my kids got married they only got junky gifts, money just from very close relatives, well in different places of the world they have different customs, but i learnt from that. the best gift is money, but since a lot of people gave us very bad gifts when their simchas come up i just pay back the same way..Is it wrong?October 2, 2009 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm #661408mepalMember
uh…yes. Why would you want to do that?October 2, 2009 6:10 pm at 6:10 pm #661409
It’s nekomoh! unless you mean to say, I’m not obligated to spend much more
than they spent for me.
But I dont do that. I try to be a Mentch “for myself” even when others are
not mentchlich.October 2, 2009 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #661410
You see , I told you, you are very givilng but it is nekomoh and I have to learn from you. Sometimes I do get cheap. Why should I spend on them if they do not do it on me. I guess I have to work on my Middot.October 5, 2009 8:47 pm at 8:47 pm #661411ronrsrMember
I was just married a month ago, so I would like to offer a few fresh perspectives.
1. Cash gifts are wonderful, and always the right color. We are older, and each had our separate households, so we’re all set in the chotchkes and appliance department. In fact, if you would come to our house and take some of our surplus chotchkes, that would make a wonderful gift.
2. Please do not bring the gifts to the reception — it is too easy for them to get lost, and it is just another thing for the newlyweds to keep track of on a busy day. Etiquette books tell you this, and I have been trying to convince my new bride of this for a few years. Now that she has had the experience, she finally agrees with me.
We have some generous friends who I am pretty sure sent a gift, but we did not receive it. This puts us in an embarrasing position. It would be rude to ask directly, and rude not to send an acknowledgment. I did send a card thanking them for their attendance, and thanking him for standing by as ‘backup witness’, in case one of the two witnesses got writer’s cramp.
3. Don’t send perishable or time-sensitive items, unless you are delivering them yourself.
My brother sent 150 roses for our reception from Florida, where he lives. He shipped them by overnight mail, and he waited for them to be delivered all day. They were actually delivered about 10 days later, and had lost some of their, um, beauty, in the interim. Fortunately, he can get a refund for the postage, which was substantial, and possibly an insurance payment for part of the cost of the flowers from the postal insurance.
I was very touched by his gesture, but I felt awful that he was waiting for the delivery here, and the flowers wouldn’t have matched our tablecloths or decor at the reception. He was very disappointed, and that detracted a bit from our joy on that day.
One other thought:
One cousin sent a very large cash gift. She is not doing well financially, and I know that this gift represents perhaps a half-week’s salary for her. That makes me feel a bit guilty. I can’t return it, so all I can really do is feel bad about it, and be extra-nice to her the next time I see her.
My mother gave us a huge gift, 50 times the size of this cousin’s gift. But, she’s my mother, she’s been waiting and saving for this, she derived a huge amount of personal satisfaction from giving the gift, etc., and she can afford it.
So, it’s not the size or monetary value of the gift that counts, but rather the feeling, and I still get a twinge of guilt or something, when thinking of the gift the cousin gift.October 7, 2009 5:33 pm at 5:33 pm #661412
its the way you give it..with love or not. i guessOctober 7, 2009 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm #661413ronrsrMember
not sure if it has to do with love. Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I need to learn to accept the gift in the spirit given. Both my mother and my cousin love me, I have no doubt. I just feel a bit guilty that the cousin’s gift was so large, because I believe she could not afford it.
Oh well, nothing to do but write her an effusively thankful thank you card, I suppose.
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