Girl Refusing a Shidduch Because Boy is Shorter

Home Forums Decaffeinated Coffee Girl Refusing a Shidduch Because Boy is Shorter

Viewing 48 posts - 1 through 48 (of 48 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #613301

    Is it normal for a girl to say no after meeting a boy because he is an inch or 2 shorter than her?

    Or is this an excuse and there must be other things she didn’t like?

    #1026928
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It’s more polite than saying he’s a pufflegrap or that he’s crazy.

    #1026929
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    If that’s the only reason – the girl is a fool. I’ve seen very few women taller than I, but I would never have rejected one for being too tall.

    #1026930
    akuperma
    Participant

    So does the boy have a special bracha to make for having narrowly avoided a shiduch with a fool?

    #1026931
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Of course that’s not the only reason. It’s just easier.

    #1026932
    147
    Participant

    Girl refusing boy who is shorter is fueling Shidduch crisis as badly as girl who turns down boy who is younger.

    #1026933
    potpie
    Member

    Is it normal for a girl to say no after meeting a boy because he is an inch or 2 shorter than her?

    Or is this an excuse and there must be other things she didn’t like?

    Maybe yes, maybe no. Height really bothers some people. Other people couldn’t care less and just use it as an excuse. Without knowing the situation, it’s impossible to determine which one it is.

    #1026934
    SA83
    Participant

    Very not normal. If this is something that bothers her she would check it out before meeting him.

    #1026935
    einav brosho
    Member

    what if she refused because he was not good looking?

    #1026936

    Actually I heard a story about a girl who understated her height on her resume and a boy who overstated his height on his resume. So on paper it looked like they were the same height. Then they went out and she was 4 inches taller than him…in flats…not sure if the story is true but it made me laugh.

    #1026937
    morahmom
    Participant

    Here’s the thing: If a girl is average to tall, an inch or two really doesn’t matter all that much. But if a girl is on the short side already, and they guy is even shorter, I could see it bothering the girl. You also then wonder what the cheshbon of the shadchan was, or if there was any besides height.

    #1026938

    I notice a lot of short guys marrying short girls because they want to be taller than their wives, and they end up creating a whole family of short people! Not that it’s such an issue per se, but it just seems like a vicious cycle because half of their children are going to be male and will need to find some short girls to marry, while the short girls can marry guys of any height, often taking the tall ones away from the tall girls…

    Don’t get me wrong; I don’t really care about any of this. Height was never a consideration for me when I was dating. But for people who do care, the situation really is quite ridiculous.

    #1026939
    MyTurnAtBat
    Member

    Probably happens all the time. Men are expected to be taller, smarter, more learned, and richer. Lots of pressure there.

    #1026940
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    It’s just as normal as a guy refusing a girl after meeting her because she isn’t skinny enough for him.

    #1026941
    shtusim
    Participant

    As the father of a petite girl in shidduchim, it does bother us and our daughter when the boy is shorter. we have had sevral instances where the Shadchan has told us the boy is 5’3 – 5’4

    and when he showed up, he was shorter than my daughter in FLATS.

    we have nothing against shorter boys, but TELL THE TRUTH!

    #1026942
    dial427436
    Member

    Curious, why does it bother you?

    #1026943
    oomis
    Participant

    1) It happens ALL the time, just as many guys will not go out with a girl who is not a size 2 or 4.

    2) It shouldn’t happen, but no one has a right to tell another person what they should find attractive or not.

    3) My daughter is 5’2″ and went out with many guys who are short (under 5’6″ by most standards of average height). Even though she prefers taller guys, she wanted to give it a chance. She came to realize that she is actually physically uncomfortable looking right at a guy’s eyes at or close to the same height as herself. This is a personal preference, and no girl should be condemned for it, unless she is being really unreasonable and refusing to even consider an othewise perfect (on paper) shidduch for even one date. But if she likes to wear non-flats, and he is shorter than herself by several inches when she is WEARING flats, that makes many girls self-conscious.

    4) My dad O”H was several inches shorter than my mom. Never bothered her, because he was a giant in Limud Torah, brilliant in his secular knowledge, and expert in his field, bringing relief from physical pain to many people, often at no charge when they could not afford to pay.

    5) The bottom line is that girls AND boys have the right to feel attracted to their spouses. If lack of height is bothersome (and many guys also do not want shorter girls, because, “they show weight gain faster”), then that person cannot be convinced to feel otherwise. That is, unless they reach a point at which they recognize that shidduchim are dwindling, and they need to re-prioritize.

    #1026944
    bygirl93
    Member

    As a “petite” girl in shidduchim I think if a girl is short she has every right to say no because of a guys height (same way a tall guy might say no because the girl is too short)

    I’m 5″! I have every right to say no to a guy whos shorter than that- granted- if I’m wearing heels and hes only a little shorter then its another story- but its still all about comfort- and a girl has a right to say no to something she isn’t comfortable with. Guys can say no because of looks but girls can’t say no because of height? come on. talk about double standards.

    #1026945
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Any boy who turns down a shidduch for looks is horrible. A girl has a right to turn down a shidduch for height, though, since the boys are so superficial.

    #1026946
    golfer
    Participant

    I’m having a hard time following the logic (or illogic?) of all the shidduch threads.

    Let me clarify the main points and make sure there’s no problem with my reading comprehension:

    1) We live in a horrible world where guys think they have a right to turn down a girl because of the way she looks.

    2) We must realize that a girl needs to be attracted to a guy before she can consider marrying him.

    Ok. I think we’re finally ready to solve the crisis.

    All tall, very good-looking guys with sparkling personalities are hereby exempt from the freezer.

    All guys under 5’9″ who do not meet the above criteria, please do us all a favor and stay there.

    #1026947
    springbird
    Member

    In today’s world, with so much divorce and so little time spent getting to know each other before marriage, if a girl knows that this is something that bothers her, chances are it will continue to bother her. Let’s face it, there’s nothing that he can do to change his height. One may think this is a ridiculous reason to say “no”, however, who are we to judge someone else’s preferences for a life long partner with whom to build a bayis neeman b’Yisroel?

    #1026948
    oomis
    Participant

    Unfortunately boys DO turn down shidduchim for looks (if the pictures even get past their moms). Often, so do girls, which is why I believe a blind date should be a double-blind, where neither party knows what the other one looks like in advance.

    #1026949
    IraK
    Participant

    As a shorter guy, I remember one time going out with a woman who was somewhat taller. While we both had a good time, and it was fine with me, to clear the air, towards the end of the date, I asked her straight out if it bothered her. She was honest enough to say it did, which I appreciated. I took her home, thanked her for a lovely evening, and moved on. People have a right to decide for themselves what they are or are not attracted to.

    #1026950
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Unfortunately boys DO turn down shidduchim for looks (if the pictures even get past their moms). Often, so do girls, which is why I believe a blind date should be a double-blind, where neither party knows what the other one looks like in advance.

    I think both should wear blindfolds on the actual dates until 4th date. It has the added benefit that you don’t need to spend money on seltzer at a nice lounge because can’t see it.

    #1026951
    tzirelf
    Member

    +BH I have made more than 20 shidduchim. (It is not my “profession”). I wanted to share a story with all of you.

    I once thought of a shidduch in which I remembered that the girl was on the tall side and the boy was on the short side. In my mind I figured they were the same height. Both sides agreed (not asking lots of petty questions about looks etc, but trusting me that I felt they would hit it off and enjoy each other’s company. They went out and BH got engaged. That’s when out of curiosity I checked my records for their heights. She was 3 inches taller than him. (BH for hats) They never noticed or cared. And trust me they are both normal grounded kids. They are happily married!! Focus on the iker, midos tovos!!! and Yiras shamayim are everything when it comes to happiness. Of course there must also be chemistry, meshichas halev, which means one is drawn to the other person, not fireworks. mazal and bracha and clarity!!

    #1026952
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    I think both should wear blindfolds on the actual dates until 4th date. It has the added benefit that you don’t need to spend money on seltzer at a nice lounge because can’t see it.

    In other words a phone date. Or to be even more machmir, an email.

    #1026953
    Trust 789
    Member

    Is it normal for a girl to say no after meeting a boy because he is an inch or 2 shorter than her?

    Absolutely normal. I’m surprised that anyone would even ask such a question.

    #1026954
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    You don’t need to question the girl’s motives. Excuses are okay because they make it easier to part without ill feelings between two sides.

    #1026955
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Why would she even meet him. Find out the height first.

    #1026956
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    You don’t need to question the girl’s motives. Excuses are okay because they make it easier to part without ill feelings between two sides.

    If a girl goes out with a guy who is 6’2″ and says he’s too short, as a shadchan you should question her motives if you want to suggest a boy who’s 6’1″.

    #1026957
    springbird
    Member

    I hate to say this, but it takes MUCH more than “middos tovos” to make a happily married couple. Attraction is VERY important. Especially now a days where access to beauty is at ones very fingertips at all times. That being said, if a girl knows that she is not attracted to short guys, there is no reason to waste his or her time. Just as being thin is important to some guys, so too height is important to some girls. It’s not for me or you to say that they are being picky or silly, etc. It is they who will be living with the prospective partner.

    #1026958
    elbendi
    Participant

    My mother, a’h, was 4 inches taller than my father, a’h.

    She would say “I look up to Daddy”. And she really did. And they had a beautiful marriage.

    If all else is okay, height should not be an issue.

    #1026959
    oomis
    Participant

    All tall, very good-looking guys with sparkling personalities are hereby exempt from the freezer.

    All guys under 5’9″ who do not meet the above criteria, please do us all a favor and stay there. “

    Golfer, it is a huge difference between saying a girl and guy should be attracted to each other, to saying all tall, good-looking guys are exmept from the freezer, etc. Attraction is a mystical thing, which you can see if you look at most married couples. Have you never seen a couple and wondered, what does he/she see in her/him? Many objectively not so good-looking people are good looking to SOMEONE. No one knows what makes someone veer towards another. That is one of Hashem’s great miracles. Short people are attractive, too. It’s just a matter of finding THE person to whom the height is not an issue at all.

    #1026960
    writersoul
    Member

    This is my family’s joke. None of us are in shidduchim yet, but the joke is that I and my ilk (short girls) can’t marry tall guys because there won’t be any left for my sister (5’9.5″). Tall girls don’t have the easiest time, either…

    Then again, talking about attraction and height differences, I know a tall woman who (fudging details here) always told herself that she’d only ever marry a guy who was taller than her, British (she’s British), and in klei kodesh. She’s happily married to a shorter Israeli doctor with a bunch of kids. Ya never know.

    #1026961
    wallflower
    Participant

    Why should only girls have to wear heels? Let the guy wear elevator shoes.

    #1026962
    adam3
    Participant

    Can everyone stop saying how their mother was taller then their father?! this is not 1930’s Europe. Lets be realistic and realize that times have changed. In 1930’s no boy asked for support. Maybe bring that up….

    As for short girls….. I am single and over 6 feet and almost all the girls ive dated have been 5′ or 5’2. I prefer short girls. One shaddchen yelled at me that i MUST marry a girl 5’9 or taller because its not fair to them. I told her that I dont have to do anything. I have a preference of what I am attracted to.

    So please let us be realistic. Do not lie about a persons height when on the first date they will see the truth.

    #1026963
    oomis
    Participant

    Can everyone stop saying how their mother was taller then their father?! this is not 1930’s Europe.”

    Adam, my folks got married in 1949, and my mom was a Yankee. And yes, she was taller, as I have mentioned. But she fell for my dad the first time she laid eyes on him (he was giving a shiur). You are right, though, attraction is a preference, and no one’s business but that of the party involved. No one should LIE about anythign, especially when it is immediately discernible. However, when someone describes a girl or boy as attractive, they cannot be faulted if most people might disagree, because to them that person might very well be so.

    #1026964

    im reaky nervous. im a guy whos around 5 1.5 and i hate it.all you guys that are normal height should thank hashem every day fo it.i have so many challenges with it snd i feel infetior to everyone else.would any girl want to msrry a guy so short?i dont know.

    #1026965
    yentachaya
    Participant

    @jewishfeminist02

    Sorry, I just joined the conversation now. But I read your comment and WOW!!! That’s pathetic! It just goes to show how crazy our society is that we have to lie to get ahead. It’s sad that we brought this upon ourselves. We’ve fallen so low. It’s an embarrassment.

    #1026966
    interjection
    Participant

    Keep climbing, the most attractive thing to a girl is confidence. If a guy acts confident with his looks (not snotty or egotistical) then most girls will think he is that attractive. There are many girls who are not attracted to shorter guys but there doesn’t need to be because there aren’t that many shorter guys. If too many girls were attracted to shorter guys there wouldn’t be anyone for the tall guys to marry! For every type of look, there is a person of the opposite gender who is attracted to that look. The most important thing is to be able to ‘pull off’ your looks.

    #1026969
    oomis
    Participant

    Are there any shadchanim that might specialize in shidduchim for shorter guys?

    #1026970
    yentachaya
    Participant

    @oomis

    I don’t think there’s such a thing as a shadchan “specializing” in shorter boys’ shidduchim. Any shadchan with a head on their shoulders should have no problem redding tall, short, fat, skinny, rich, poor, smart, dumb, etc. boys or girls. I’m not sure what happened to our society that people are so critical of each other. If a shadchan refuses someone because of a frivolous reason like that, you should not be using them! Period. The end. There’s nothing to discuss. Eventually they’ll get the message.

    #1026971
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    just in case anyones counting up sides i think she has a right

    #1026972
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Actually, some girls don’t look for confidence. They want a boy with low self-esteem who will do whatever they want.

    #1026973
    yentachaya
    Participant

    Guys, this is ridiculous. Everyone has a right to marry who they want. To this girl, height is important. You can’t determine or control what will be considered significant for another person. End of story.

    #1026974
    SaysMe
    Member

    just cuz i’m finding this thread of judgement amusing, i’ll speak up. I am one of those ”pathetic” ”fools” who won’t go out with a boy who is shorter than me. Not because i’m short and dont want to create a whole generation of ”short kids” but because i’m tall. Having ggone through life looking downwards (sometimes wayy down) on classmates etc, i do know for me personally, i need someone my height +. Yes to me, it’s important, and one of first qs i ask when suggested a boy.

    For all the criticism though, how many boys would go out with a girl taller than them? That’s also a minority

    #1026975
    Vogue
    Member

    I am a single girl who nearly went out with a guy from a different town who is an inch shorter than me. The reason I broke up with him though was because because he said he was unemployed but during the few days I spoke to him appeared to make all the excuses up in the world not to look for a job (I want a working boy), was not interested in going to college and was diagnosed during that few day period with a mental health disorder that I knew I couldn’t handle in my bayis neeman from my husband. The height did bother me, but I was still willing to give it a shot anyway. I am 5’5″ though and like to wear heals that are as high as five inches so I was self conscious though.

    #1026976
    cinderella
    Member

    I wouldn’t go out with a boy who is shorter than me (without heels- 5″5). I like to wear 4-5 inch heels which puts me at 5″9 so I’d rather him be that height or taller.

    It bothers the guys just as much, if not more, when the girl is taller. Most guys will not even consider a shidduch with a girl who is taller than him.

    Only once was I taller than a boy on a date, because he was not the 5″10 his resume said he was, and I was really uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure he was too.

Viewing 48 posts - 1 through 48 (of 48 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.