Girls' Taste in Dating Process

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  • #593452

    gbale3
    Member

    do girls like when the boy opens the car door for them? do they like him casual or in a suit? do they like going out to eat date 1? do they like arcades sporting events or board games or they rather just sit and schmooz

    #717065

    so right
    Member

    yes, they better open the door for me or its over before it started! no real gentleman would ever not open the door for the lady. and he better not be a cheapo and not take me to a nice restaurant on the first date, or the first date will be the last date!!

    #717066

    girls are looking for generous guys, i def prefer guys who take me to nice places, but i wont necessarily say no to a guy who takes me to starbucks. chivalry lives on….open the door at least for the first few dates….be a gentleman, be sweet, courteous and nice and youll be fine. ….depends on ur budget, but ur looking for a wife remember….$$$ comes and money goes, most girls like guys who spend money, but never talk about it on a date, cause thats kinda tacky :)).

    #717067

    haifagirl
    Participant

    Aargh! Open the car door to get in the car or out? If you think I am going to sit in the car and wait for you to walk around just to open the door, think again.

    Casual or suit? Depends on guy and where we’re going on the date.

    Out to eat on date 1? In some communities, going to a restaurant is tantamount to announcing your engagement. That could be very uncomfortable on date 1.

    Who are the “they” to whom you are referring? Some girls (and women) like arcades etc., and others would rather just sit and shmooze.

    #717068

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Re opening the car door for her, you know what they say? If a guy opens the car door for his partner you can be sure of one of two things. Either the partner is new or the car is!!! 🙂

    #717069

    Sacrilege
    Member

    I feel like girls give guys mixed messages, “What, you think I’m not capable of opening my own door?” Yet, you still want your man to be chivalrous. My advice to the guys, be a gentleman! If she is someone hung up on feminism, you can decide if you want to marry Hilary Clinton as the dates progress, however, that doesnt give you an excuse to be a TPT (trailer park trash)

    When the guy calls me before the date *gasp* (if this isnt your practice, have the shadchan do it) I ask, are we going casual or formal. Its really very simple, some guys prefer casual some guys prefer simple. Guys, please make the decision! Girls want a decisive man.

    Creativity is key. There is no need to go to a lounge, that just shows you are lazy, lazy, lazy. Dont tell me its because you want a quiet setting to talk, there are 100s of quiet places to talk that dont involves hotel lobbys.

    No hard or fast rule but: Drinks is an audition, Coffee is cheap, Lunch is an interview and Dinner is someone who is serious.

    #717070

    pumper
    Member

    well said, Sacrilege!

    I agree that hotel lobbies are a bore, does anyone think otherwise?

    If a boy does not want to spend a lot of money on a date, there are other things to do besides resorting to a hotel lobby.

    EX: a walk around a harbor (Baltimore)or a park is a quiet place to talk as well, and far more interesting than a lobby!

    #717071

    bpt
    Participant

    Correct me if I’m wrong. Isnt the dating process supposed to be a “test run” for how the marriage will play out down the road, no?

    Open the door? Like the Valet guys in the neon windbreakers? Gee, and here I thought washing the dishes motzio shabbos was what earned me a star on the mitzvah yingle chart. Has I known all I needed to do was open the car door, I coulda spared myself a nasty bout of dish-pan hands.

    Silly me.. I shoulda checked the CR first!

    #717072

    dunno
    Member

    Definitely open the car door. I never wait for the guy to open it when we get out of the car though.

    I go for the suit look but to each their own.

    In my opinion, going out to eat on Date 1 is too forward.

    Anyplace but a lounge is good 🙂

    #717073

    dbwcbb
    Member

    Yes, the door should be opened for the girl before she gets into the car- she can get out by herself though

    Casual or in a suit really depends on who you’re dating and what number date…

    And eating out on a first date is not so uncommon but for the girl its rather uncomfortable– my friends and I are fine with a lounge for the first date, it’s what we’re used to.

    arcades and board games: don’t do it for a first date-but you can discuss it with the girl on the date and decide what to do from there.

    **for all those people that say lounges are awkward and uncomfortable: face it, a first date IS just that. you’re meeting someone you don’t know from a whole in a wall and “evaluating” them as a potential match.

    #717074

    Sacrilege
    Member

    Ive only gone to a lounge twice for a first date… There are definitely other things that dont involve going out to eat.

    I dont know why guys say its uncomfortable for a girl to eat on a first date. If you dont eat like a horse, you should be fine… I mean girls eat out all the time…

    #717075

    chesedname
    Participant

    I may be off base here, but this is what i think is needed.

    Skip the dates, cars, open door close door, hotels, etc..

    Take here to YWN Coffee room, show her some posts, ask her what do you think of this person, how about this person? one of those will be you, if she likes his thoughts, hashkafa, etc.. get married, if not move on. She’ll be the moderator from Hello

    #717076

    bpt
    Participant

    Great idea, Chesed!

    #717077

    memo
    Member

    the typical first date is a lounge…if you go to a cool lounge and there are places to go to around in the area-(times square area) it could be fine and not boring…

    guys: make sure the place is open and always have a back up plan, be very good about it and don’t make the girl crazy by walking her around the city blocks and blocks until she says hey the marriot was a blocks this way why dont we just go there, also girls in high heels don’t love walking endlessly,or else she might say i should have worn my sneakers..can’t tell you what a turn off it is if the guy doesn’t have directions or plans

    #717078

    haifagirl
    Participant

    Guys, please make the decision! Girls want a decisive man.

    I’m sure what you meant was SOME girls want a decisive man.

    I had a boss who told me about his dating experiences. Every time he went out with someone new, he would pick her up, ask what she wants to do, and she would say, “Whatever you want to do is fine.”

    On his first date with the woman who eventually became his wife, he asked what she wanted to do, and she gave him an itinerary. He was hooked.

    #717079

    Sacrilege
    Member

    haifagirl

    Clearly a reverse roll relationship.

    #717080

    haifagirl
    Participant

    Take here to YWN Coffee room, show her some posts, ask her what do you think of this person, how about this person? one of those will be you, if she likes his thoughts, hashkafa, etc.. get married, if not move on.

    Great idea. If she says, “Oh my goodness! Don’t you know it’s assur to use the internet,” she’s probably not for you.

    #717081

    haifagirl
    Participant

    Clearly a reverse roll relationship.

    Sesame seeds on the inside?

    #717082

    Sacrilege
    Member

    “Sesame seeds on the inside?”

    😉

    If thats what does it for them.

    #717083

    blinky
    Participant

    Great idea. If she says, “Oh my goodness! Don’t you know it’s assur to use the internet,” she’s probably not for you.

    Haifagirl either that, or she’ll say what do you think of this posters ideas (pointing to her own!)

    #717084

    egbooks47
    Member

    In my opinion, as a single guy who is dating…

    I love when the girl has an aopinion..

    Classic convo within first 5 minutes of metting her is as follows:

    ME: SO WHERE YOU WANA GO?

    HER: IM UP FOR ANYTHING

    ME: OK, WANA GO EAT?

    HER: WHATEVER YOU ARE FEELING

    ME: ARE YOU HUNGRY

    HER: IM NOT SURE, ARE YOU?

    ME: I CAN EAT, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT, ETC…..

    AND ON AND ON IT GOES…..

    So, ya, i would be much more comfortable if I got in the car and sai, hey- so what you wana do tonight. where you wana go? and all i would love to hear is an opinion..

    that is a huge turn on..

    say the words “coffee” or “a walk” or “a park” or food and already you almost have date 2 assuming u arent a DOA which in that case I just want 2 drop u off already…

    Guys feel pressure on dates as well and we just want to make sure that the girls are enjoying their night….

    #717085

    haifagirl
    Participant

    do girls like when the boy opens the car door for them? do they like him casual or in a suit? do they like going out to eat date 1? do they like arcades sporting events or board games or they rather just sit and schmooz

    In all seriousness (I can be serious), these questions are unanswerable.

    Here are the real answers:

    1) Some girls like when the boy opens the car door. Others don’t.

    2) Some girls like him casual. Others like him in a suit.

    3) Some girls like to go out to eat on date one. Others don’t.

    4) Some girls like arcardes. Others don’t. Some girls like sporting events. Others don’t. Some girls like board games. Others don’t. Some girls like to sit and shmooze. Others don’t.

    Imagine if I asked, “Do boys like [fill in the blank]?”

    There is no ONE answer for all girls, all boys, all people.

    You have to do what is good for you. If you’re with the right girl, those choices will be right for her too.

    #717086

    dunno
    Member

    egbooks47:

    Well as a girl I can tell you that we (yes, I’m generalizing) like when the guy has some idea where he wants to go.

    #717087

    haifagirl
    Participant

    dunno:

    I’m also a girl*, and I like when he asks my opinion, and not just to be polite, but because he is really interested in what I would like to do.

    In fact, if he chose what to do without asking me first, I’d wonder if he cared about my feelings at all.

    What if he took me to a movie that I didn’t care to see (which pretty much describes most movies). At that point do I say, “I don’t want to see this movie”?

    *I guess I just blew my cover. Oh well.

    #717088

    dunno
    Member

    haifagirl:

    I’m not saying he shouldn’t ask your opinion. Actually, what I like most is when the guys says “I was thinking of going to ABC or XYZ. What do you think”?

    #717089

    haifagirl
    Participant

    dunno:

    That’s ok. I wouldn’t mind that. I just hope he wouldn’t get too upset if I had other ideas.

    #717090

    Sacrilege
    Member

    Most guys ask whether they care, or not…

    Here is an ideal scenario:

    Boy: What would you like to do?

    Girl: I’m up for anything so I’ll let you choose this one.

    Heres is when the guy should choose! Stop playing volleyball.

    #717091

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Ideal scenario:

    Boy: What should we do?

    Girl: I brought pizza (pulls out box from purse), let’s go to a lounge and eat it.

    #717092

    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    But why do girls have to answer “I’m up for anything so I’ll let you choose this one” or actually one girl I dated it was always like this

    Me: What would you like to do/ where would you like to go?

    Her: Oh anywhere is fine.

    Me: Do you want to go out to eat?

    Her: Whatever you want.

    Me: Well are you hungry?

    Her: Maybe a little not really (trails off…)

    Me: Ok so we wont go for food. So do you want to do ….?

    Her: I just want to go with you anything is good.

    Me: Why cant you ever tell me what you want to do or where you would like to go, since Im taking you out shouldnt it be something we both want to do or since Im treating you out anyways (as I always pay) shouldnt it be for something you want?

    Her: Really anything is good I just want to spend time together.

    Girls why do you do this to us?!

    #717093

    Sacrilege
    Member

    popa

    As long as we are on the topic of wishful thinking…

    #717094

    Sacrilege
    Member

    WIY

    If that really happened, I’m embarrassed for the both of you.

    #717095

    NOTG
    Member

    Att: WIY: if we go out I will not do that. I wil give lucid instructions as to where I wanna go including sky diving so that we wont even be able to talk because my teeth will be busy chattering from fright and composing a creative rythme.

    #717096

    memo
    Member

    personally the last guy i went out with-wasn’t for me- but was seriously a good dater, i think it was bc every date he let me open the door for myself…very normal chilled…i guess it was more casual friendly type of person…meaning u didn’t feel like it was the 1st date arrggghhhhhhh!!!!!! type of guy were u sit and bounce dumb questions back and forth trying to make conversations…i mean when was the last time you spoke about the bridges,tunnels and cars with you regular friends…guys try to think of reg convos youd really talk about cause us girls have to talk about whatever you bring up…

    #717097

    haifagirl
    Participant

    guys try to think of reg convos youd really talk about cause us girls have to talk about whatever you bring up…

    Is that a rule?

    I thought we girls could also introduce topics into the conversation.

    #717098

    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    (You are 24 its different with younger girls who are newer to dating. Im serious I had that discussion with a girl, it was after dating enough times where I felt she should have a say in what we do and she just utterly refused to make any suggestions, yeah it was very sweet of her to say that shes just happy being with me and anything is fine, but thats not what I wanted to hear when I asked her “where would you like to go”)

    I agree that men should show their ability to make decisions and be creative, but after 5 dates I dont see why a girl cant say lets go to blank blah bloo shazam whatever place. Or at least mention some places shed like to go or some things she would like to do. We dont like lounges either and we dont want to take you to expensive restaurants on every date.

    Trust me, guys also like girls who can make up their minds and can come up with ideas. Its no fun to always be the one planning everything knowing that the girl cant come up with one decent date idea. Even worse is thinking that every date is always where I want to go and if I like the girl and I want to do what she likes to do she never gives me the opportunity to take her where she wants to go or to do what she wants to do because she wont speak up.

    #717099

    WIY
    Member

    NOTG

    If the purpose is not talking then why bother with a date in the first place. You just go sky diving and send me the bill lol.

    #717101

    Sacrilege
    Member

    WIY

    The rule is 4:1 roughly, it can be tweaked to be 3:1 if needed, where a girl should come up w the date and/or make the date.

    P.S. Had I been you I wouldve freaked out had a guy told me on a 5th date, “I dont care where we go I just want to be with you…”

    Clingy much?

    #717102

    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    It wasnt a 5th date when she said that. It was past that also its more of a girly thing to say especially early on in a relationship. Guys take time to say those types of things.

    #717103

    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    If a guy tells you “I dont care where we go I just want to be with you…” on a 5th date you know its time to say no unless you are sure you want to marry each other…

    #717104

    chesedname
    Participant

    memo

    so what WAS wrong with him?

    #717105

    aries2756
    Participant

    This was a trick question to find out who is male and who is female on the CR

    #717106

    cshapiro
    Member

    on that note….never tell a guy ur falling for him on a shidduch date lol true story!!!

    #717108

    Sacrilege
    Member

    WIY

    Say, maybe. But not show.

    cshapiro

    Men are very transparent, if they like you they WILL let you know (unless they are one of those who like to play games and/or have emotional problems both of which you should be able to tell pretty early on)

    in which case, NEVER be the first to pour out your heart.

    #717109

    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    Say, maybe. But not show. Yeah I thought that wasnt necessary to mention.

    #717110

    charliehall
    Participant

    shelo asani single.

    #717111

    cshapiro
    Member

    idk sac, after dating for the extent we did without any indication of feelings (he def couldnt express but who knows if he had any) i felt why not say sumthing drastic…i had nothing to loose….

    #717113

    memo
    Member

    chesedname: he wasnt for me, hashkafos…it’s important to be on the same page..

    #717114

    Sacrilege
    Member

    cshapiro

    A good indication of what a guy is feeling/thinking is body language, it is well worth your while to become familiar w learning how to read it.

    How did he react after you spilled your guts?

    #717115

    cofeefan
    Member

    i absolutely hate when the guy asks me what i want to do because i am the type who doesnt care as long as we dont go to eat on the first date i HATE that!!( although 2 times the boy just drove there without asking me…. )i mean what are you supposed to order?!?! and the worst part is when he asks if i want dessert because i NEVER know what to say… thats just my personality!!

    #717116

    NOTG
    Member

    WIY: if i was that girl you dated i would say “i dont care what we do i just wanna be with you.” And that is such a lame way of getting out of the date-by offering to pay for it.

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