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We had a post about boys thoughts on girls, I only think its fair if the boys can know what girls expect from them on a date. Even before dating , what are girls thoughts on what to expect when first meeting their date?
Here goes my list
(and i x hav that many expectations)
1) CLEAN clothes (DUH?!)
2) SMELL NORMAL
3) The car should’nt smell or be dirty (cigarettes, old food, feet)
4) Come on time, and if your running late be resp. and call
5) Open doors (of course)
6) Dont sit and darshan the whole time, yes- we like torah…but u x havta give us a shuir ON A DATE…a little d’var torah is okay..but dont push it
7) Dont mention: weight…or things a girl might get insulted or be sensative to..(this one guy didnt stop telling me how his mother is a size 0..it was pretty weird and uncomfotable)
8) Try not to act as awkard or as weird as possible…
9) Oh, use MOUTHWASH..gum (YES, we CAN smell from across the seat)
10) Dont call your parents when your at the girls house 2 tell them u got there (really happen)
11) Plan ahead 1-2 place 2 go BEFORE you go on a date..get directions BEFORE…dont call your friend on the phone and ask where to go (also happened)
12) DONT BE A WALL!! TALK!! ( I was on a date and the guy just sat there all quiet for like ten minutes leaving me yapping/ as i was trying to deplete the massive awkwrdness and silence..wen i asked him why he was so quiet he said the following: “i learned that wen someone is talking i shud b quiet”!!?!!—Guys, DONT do or say that)
13) If your on a date and u see right away she is not for you (and this goes for girls as well) DO NOT BE RUDE! Dont act like u wanna run home..its a chilul hashem too, by treating s/o like that..we’ve all had dates like that, but u gotta put yourself together and FAKE IT!! BE A MENTCH!!
14) low music in the car would be nice
…..
15) and when you drop her off DONT ZOOOM away until you see the door close!!
NP! just speaking the truth…and of experince!
RedNails19:
What made you sooo x happy?
Sweeten up a bit. ???? ?????? ?????, forget it, seems like you’re teen-texting from a phone and can’t read Hebrew. K’maim haponim l’panim ken lav ha’adam (if I quoted right). A bit of attitude (happy and sweet one) could do wonders.
can i add 2 things to the list RedNails19?
1 dont take a girl somewhere 3 blocks away from her house! i had a guy take me to a resturant that i couldve walked to and i saw 3 people i know on the way back to the car (which was parked 2 blocks away from my house)
2- dont keep looking at your watch- its insulting, even if its late and ur tired…. uts just plain not nice
cofeefan:
im laughing so hard…i kno its not funny 2 go through that!
Its really not nice when they do that.
And BOYS TAKE NOTES…a/o who a mother reading this- relay this 2 your sons…
coffeefan – oh my. A boy once brought me to a place next door where my father works. He walked in on us in the middle! (I told the boy that my father works next door and would be there… he decided to go anyway!) He just totally did not get it. I still am trying to figure out what I could have said!
wen i asked him why he was so quiet he said the following: “i learned that wen someone is talking i shud b quiet”!!?!!—Guys, DONT do or say that)
lol i’m not talking about checking your watch once then saying ok its late lets go…. but when the date isnt going well (and dont worry i know that too……)looking at your watch every 5 seconds……. its soooo frustrating!! lol
loves it red nails….but i can also add a few
1. dont talk about starwars/startrek or any other old movie that i never saw and have no interest.
2. dont talk about random stupid facts u know…or i will just nod and smile…and count the minutes until its all over.
3. hold the door open and let the girl walk thru first.
4. try to maintain eye contact as much as possible (there was a guy i went out with that had this “thing” that he always hadta know how many people were in the room so he was always looking around….it was very distracting to me, but he always knew his surroundings, that was cool).
5. if you cant find the place…dont be persistent that you will find it…(we ended up in manhattan cause he couldnt find the dumbo park, meanwhile the park was pathetic and we ended up chilling in a bookstore, worst date ever!!!)
6. if you like what shes wearing, you can be bold and compliment her but if u dont like what shes wearing, keep it to yourself.
7. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER talk about money on date…this includes prices of drinks, cars, vacations or salary etc…
8. please dont pick me up in a hunk of junk…if u dont drive a nice car thats okay, but if the seat belt doesnt work, its just not cool (true story….ughhh).
thats all i can think of for know but im sure theres more to come…:))
With such attitudes, any of you engaged? I don’t think boys like to be whipped. Do they? If a boys senses you measuring -DON’T do this, DON’T do that, DO this, DO that, NEVER,NEVER,NEVER..- any reason for him to be interested?
seriously Z…u obviously never went out with the guys i have…
i think i have enough to offer to be what you would refer to as ‘demanding’…
Why is it that all guys seem to need a bubbly, entertaining girl. Isn’t there more to a girl than just her personality? Also, give her time to feel comfortable and then show her true personality. Some take longer to warm up…….
cshapiro:
No. Of course not. I left the bones for you!
“With such attitudes, any of you engaged? I don’t think boys like to be whipped. Do they? If a boys senses you measuring -DON’T do this, DON’T do that, DO this, DO that, NEVER,NEVER,NEVER..- any reason for him to be interested? “
thats not fair zeeskite- youre taking it out of context. were just saying out of bad dates what bothered us. the way you said that was not nice. not nice at all
todahrabba – Never once has a guy asked for a bubbly entertaining girl in my experience. and as for isn’t there more to a girl than personality… there may be but I think it’s definitely something appropriate to ask for, if you know you need a particular personality!
I read each entry with much interest and and questions.
Why is it when a girl/woman such a RedNails has a “list” of what she is expecting and looknig for she is “demanding”? How about the boys/men who will only date girls/women who are size 0-2 and they are obese and slovenly? How come they are not considered to be demanindg? What is good for the gander is most certainly good for the geese.
Ladies, if your date is calling his parents to let them know he arrived at your house RUN!!! He will never really leave his family. You will always come sencond.
If he doesn’t make you feel special from the first date, he never will. RUN!!
If all he lectures all night and there’s no dialouge – RUN!!!
Remember, ladies, sometimes we have to be selfish and remember to take care of our needs and expectations before anyone else’s.
Much Hatzlacha to everyone who is looking for their zivug and b’shert.
cofeefan:
Walton157- I agree!
but is’nt is sad that bec of the “shidduch crises” and pressure some girls decide to turn the other cheek and let things like that go?
And i would even call it selfish- i would call it some decent self respect..no one should be treated in a manner they shouldn’t.
Aww man! I had to learn all this by being brought up by my parents to be a mentch and to treat others nicely and to be a nice person myself. I could have just come here and learned it all in five minutes! Seriously though this stuff is very important and even though it can take a bit to internalize and not make it seem like it is forced, DO IT!!! (And I am a guy. I just find it really uncool how everyone acts these days)
😀 Zuberman! 😀
pascha bchochma-guys don’t have to ask for it-they reject girls since they claim they were bored. Meaning, they didn’t have enough fun. Now why on a second date is there a requirement to have fun when the girl is still not in her comfort zone?
yossi z.- AGREED!!
Todarabba- I say the same thing. I went on a first date w/ a guy 2 a cafe..ok not bad..and pretty soon after- by the third date we were odrering pizza and went to do “fun” stuff…im sure he was trying 2 make me feel comfortable and he prob thought i was there but- i really wasnt, it was actually a little weird and awkward- especially since i lost at everything, and so many other people were watching, and not everyone @ the beginning feels comfotable going public…i think the FUN CAN wait a little, i honestly didnt hava good time by the amusement/fun thing..i enjoyed more of getting to know the person..
so ya, u DONT have to jump into the FUN right away..
i am so often bored on dates…so i find ways to entertain myself…like build a castle out of sugars in dunkin donuts or press all the cool buttons in his car to find out what they do…hey im a fun person, if a guy is bored, thats his own fault…
A few more things to add:
Do:
1)Say thank you to all waiters and anyone else that helps you (not everyone does)
2)Always have a backup plan. The lounge you want to go to may be full, so its better to have another place to go to then to walk around deserted streets for an hour, get lost, and then go back to that same lounge in an hour to see if any tables opened up. (not impressive)
3)Bring 2 umbrellas if its raining
4)Keep tissues and some food and drinks in the car
5)Know that it is hard for girls to walk over the grates in the streets if they are wearing heels, they get stuck. Same applies to a boardwalk.
6)If you plan on taking the girl out to eat let her know. She is not sure if u plan on taking her so she is not sure if she should eat supper b4 or not
7)AND if you plan on going milchigs, even 2 stop in starbucks, let her know. she mite have eaten fleishig supper since she didnt know food was on the agenda
8) No one likes to meet half of their friends when they go out so take them someone different or at least not a few blocks away
9)Girls like guys that are put together and have confidence
Dont:
1)Drop the girl off 3 houses away and then zoom off b4 she even gets to her house (true story)
2)Order ur own dessert while the girl is still eating her main
3)Dont beg the lounge to let you come in even if there’s no room. Or try to bring drinks down to chairs that are in an area where they dont let you bring them and then beg them to let u just drink them there.
4)DONT TEXT WHILE ON A DATE!!!
5)If u see ur friend dont go over and shmooze 4 ten minutes, its not polite
6)Do Not tell ur date that u just got ur license, its not impressive, its concerning to be in the car with u!
Thats all 4 now
The most important thing is for him to be normal and a mentch. From my experience it’s asking a lot.
morah reyna: (and some others)
Again, as I wrote somewhere else, HaShem created both versions of mankind, no need for one to bash the other.
Ok, I have to respond to some of these. My response will be in CAPS if the Mods allow
A few more things to add:
Do:
1)Say thank you to all waiters and anyone else that helps you (not everyone does)APPLIES TO BOTH
2)Always have a backup plan. The lounge you want to go to may be full, so its better to have another place to go to then to walk around deserted streets for an hour, get lost, and then go back to that same lounge in an hour to see if any tables opened up. (not impressive)APPLIES TO BOTH
3)Bring 2 umbrellas if its raining MANY GUYS DONT USE UMBRELLAS, LADIES BRING YOUR OWN
4)Keep tissues and some food and drinks in the car THE CAR IS NOT A SNACK BAR
5)Know that it is hard for girls to walk over the grates in the streets if they are wearing heels, they get stuck. Same applies to a boardwalk.GIRLS, WEAR A COMFORTABLE SHOE AS WELL AS A NICE LOOKING ONE, STILLETTOS ARE NOT TZNIUSDIK ANYWAY
6)If you plan on taking the girl out to eat let her know. She is not sure if u plan on taking her so she is not sure if she should eat supper b4 or not SHOULD BE DISCUSSED BY BOTH PARTIES
7)AND if you plan on going milchigs, even 2 stop in starbucks, let her know. she mite have eaten fleishig supper since she didnt know food was on the agenda SHOULD BE DISCUSSED BY BOTH PARTIES
8) No one likes to meet half of their friends when they go out so take them someone different or at least not a few blocks away SHOULD BE DISCUSSED BY BOTH PARTIES
9)Girls like guys that are put together and have confidence
APPLIES TO BOTH
Dont:
1)Drop the girl off 3 houses away and then zoom off b4 she even gets to her house (true story) 100% AGREED!
2)Order ur own dessert while the girl is still eating her main AGREED
3)Dont beg the lounge to let you come in even if there’s no room. Or try to bring drinks down to chairs that are in an area where they dont let you bring them and then beg them to let u just drink them there.
4)DONT TEXT WHILE ON A DATE!!! APPLIES TO BOTH
5)If u see ur friend dont go over and shmooze 4 ten minutes, its not polite APPLIES TO BOTH
6)Do Not tell ur date that u just got ur license, its not impressive, its concerning to be in the car with u!
Thats all 4 now
Women- can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
One thing I always believed to be kosher on a date is to never beep the horn and wait for her to come out. Instead, ring the bell, and greet her, and when you take her home, escort her to the door.
A question for the ladies- what do you think about flowers?
Boy (or ..) am I happy I got married before (or b4) all these complications set in.
(if you guys really don’t like the other.. then ..)
(I wrote this on a different thread but I think it’s important to say the same thing here.)
Hashem created the world that way. Woman (even if they’re not committed to him yet) try to “fix” their men. “You should do X. Why can’t you clean your Y? You never do Z! etc
Not only that women will analyze things that guys never in a million years think are important or relevant.
When my wife and I were dating I scratched my nose after I said something (because it ITCHED). She thought I was communicating some kind of distaste for her. She proceeded to go home and talk about and analyze it with her friend for THREE HOURS! I of course wasn’t even aware that anything had happened to begin with.
Now men on the other hand don’t want to be fixed. They are very comfortable with who they are. If you ask a woman what her faults are she will give you a long list of what she has to work on (another thing that Hashem created women with – they walk around with this idea of the “Perfect Woman” – who doesn’t exist by the way – and compare everything they do to what “she” would do.
Guys don’t give it a second thought – but their wives sure know what they have to work on!
Also VERY IMPORTANT FOR GUYS TO KNOW. This is why you should NEVER CRITICIZE YOUR WIFE! I guarantee you she already knows whatever fault you think you’ve seen. What she needs is for you to love and accept her AS SHE IS!
This is of course the great test of marriage – but when used correctly for both husband and wife they can grow closer then any other relationship imaginable.
RedNails19 – do you have a list for the girls too, i sure would love to see it!!
sorry, but i dont buy this thread, there is a lot of men bashing going on here, much of what was written is basic common sense anyway and if a guy doesnt have basic common sense, then just dont say hello to him again.
and now for some replies;
RedNails19: most of what you write applies to the fairer sex too. i dated somone not so far back, she came direct from work, hot, sweaty, hair was a mess….. yes, i didnt say hi to her since.
about holding the door, well this is an old kvetch of mine, but MEN GO FIRST, that is the tzinusdig halachik was to go!!!! yes, abviously after going through, you make sure the door stays open for her too!!
ZeesKeit, i liked what you wrote, you should not have apologized you were right on most counts.
dont talk about money, agreed, but hey girls, not every guy is a Rothschild!!! so go easy on him, offer to pay your own dinner (BTW, i never accept the offer but i take note when a woman offers) i dated somone who was telling me when to take her to resturants, it started getting expensive.
and if a guy slips. unless it is really bad, let it go!!! he may still just make a good husband.
but if any of you take the entire above checklist and check your date, well, sorry to say this but at 80 yo will still be writing here about looking for the guy who gets it right.
may each and every one of us be Zocheh to find his/her other/better half soon and live happily ever after.
hi “mewho”, thanks for analyzing my post. i appreciate it. Just wanna let u know a few things:
1)Even small kitten heels (1/4 -1/2 inch high) which are very tznius and comfortable CAN get stuck in grates on the street also!! (I do not wear stillettos, and dont understand how anyone can physically walk in them.)
2)True that girls shouldnt text, and should say thanks u…but i am a girl here, therefore i only went out with guys, and we’re posting on a thread giving info 2 guys on wat to do and not to do.
3)When u r still going thru the shaddchan u dont always make up with the boy wat to do on ur dates. Many times the boys decide and let u know once ur in the car together.
4)And even if guys dont use umbrellas, the fact that they bring one for the girl if its raining or if there is a chance of rain SHOWS that they are considerate and will be a considerate husband. Expecting the girl to know guys dont use them and expect them to bring their own already indicates wat type of husband they will make.
5)I didnt say to turn ur car into a snack bar, but i thought it was very sweet and thoughtful when a guy saw wat drink i ordered on the first date and had it waiting 4 me in the car on our second date. And a different guy who asked me wat type of food i like, and on the next date he had it waiting in the car. Its not a must, but if u wanna show the girl that u are a sweet, sensitive, and intuned type of guy, that would b my suggestion.
Hey if u dont like my suggestions dont use them, i am just sharing my thoughts from my experience. and no need to rip everything everyone says apart.
hi ”wtvr”. nice to meet you.
actually i am female as well and married for 25+ years. bli ayin hora.
my responses earlier were with regard to the earlier list. i feel that in most cases the rules should apply to both the girl and the guy.
i still wear heels on occassion and i am careful where i walk. if you dont know where youre going on a date, then wear shoes that wont get stuck anyway.
again, with regard to the car, once my kids passed the younger years i did not keep snacks in the car.
by the way, for the sweet and sensitive guys who did stock your drink or snack, what did they do wrong that you are not dating them anymore?
jsut curious.
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