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  • #1992147
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    The problem with Orthodox Judaism is that people that are on the autism spectrum are ashamed of it and try to make it out. I’m very open and proud about my autism and want to make other friends on the autism spectrum. I asked around in my orthodox neighborhood called Far Rockaway for 7 years if they know of anyone that has autism and no one knew because orthodox people hide it. I know that conservative Jews wouldn’t hide their autism because they’re very liberal. I’m hoping that the more liberal orthodox or conservadox aren’t ashamed about their autism. I have a friend that’s very liberal but atheist. My next step is to go to a more liberal modern orthodox Shul to hope I find what I’m looking for (I’m already a young Israel person after switching from chareidi (I have a chareidi family)). If i can’t find a someone on the spectrum that’s not ashamed about having autism, then I switch to conservadox which I hope is enough.

    #1992205
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    That is very sad. I think you are very wrong about thinking being liberal makes you proud of your differences. Being liberal only means telling everyone else how to think.
    I know very many orthodox who are proud of their autism. You should ask your parents to get you in touch with yachad activities and other organizations. There are hundreds of adults -both young and old – who would probably love to meet you. Don’t give up. Ask your case worker or a rav to find out who you can talk to about meeting people like you.

    #1992207
    ujm
    Participant

    People with Asperger’s Syndrome are on the autism spectrum yet can and frequently do fully function as normal, healthy, human beings with most people never aware they’re on the spectrum. And this point is true in the secular world, as well.

    #1992254
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    My heart goes out to you, my beloved brother Ephraim; if not for yourself, stay because klal yisroel needs good people like you!

    #1992252
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    I’m very sorry that you have felt that you need to hide being autistic in the frum world. Whoever made you feel that way is NOT following the Torah at all, and if they succeed in making you G-d forbid leave Torah, it will be mostly their fault and they will have to live with that for eternity. I am as “charedi” as they come; I don’t go anywhere without my hat and jacket, and I have taught autistic children. I have friends who I went to high school with who are autistic. Some people in my beis medrash were autistic too. There is a place in the Torah world for every kind of jew who wants to serve Hashem

    #1992311
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    There are quite a number of chadari organizations serving people suffering from ASD, including Hamaspik, Rayim, HCS, Ohel, Yeday Chesed, Share 24/7, Womens Leage, just to name a few.
    To say that the charadiy community ignores ASD is just false

    #1992359
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    My parents never told me that I was autistic and had to find out about that myself. I asked Ohel and Yachad about making a special Asperger’s social group and they keep on saying that they’re working on it but it never comes to fruition. All I see is autistic people ashamed about their autism and not wanting anyone else to know about it. A neurotypical from the five towns has a close friends with Asperger’s in Far Rockaway where I live but won’t tell me his name because he doesn’t want anyone else to know. My mother and my mother’s friend told me that Orthodox people are actually ashamed of telling people about their children’s diagnosis and discloses the information.

    #1992386
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Isn’t aspergers and autism noticeable? If so how can it be “hidden”

    Side question, did you make a bris this past week?

    #1992409
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    There are several support groups for families with ASD, ask around in the local MH community or call Relief and they will get you in touch

    #1992433
    Shimon Nodel
    Participant

    I feel for you, but it’s important to not to generalize all orthodox Jews or further yet orthodox Judaism itself based on the conduct of individuals. Your mother needs to appreciate you for who you are, regardless of what her yenta friend says.

    #1992431
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    What’s the mh community?

    #1992441
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    Mental health

    #1992472

    It may be an issue that families indeed do not want to disclose such thing. Where it is really detrimental is when families do not use medical help from fear of disclosure. At the same time, I am not sure whether it is a necessity to bring everyone together, and seems that various organizations feel the same way. If you have some friends, families, teachers around you who understand and support you – do you necessarily need to be with other people suffering from same things? As Avira testifies, there are lots of people who would be willing to help. Maybe, some are not sensitive because they are ignorant. I have no clue, for example, of the issues involved and maybe my suggestion above is not shaiach.

    PS There are cases where people seem to benefit from talking to people in similar conditions. R Twersky Z’L for example highly recommended AA meeting to addicts (even despite christian roots), but this seems to be especially important when a person needs encouragement to change their behaviors. I did not hear, for example, that, say, people with casts on their hands would need others like that around them.

    #1992527
    ujm
    Participant

    Many, and probably most, people with Asperger’s live normal lives with no one knowing the person has Asperger’s (unless told for some reason.) No different, in essence, than most people with diabetes. No one has to know. And the person lives a life like everyone else. With certain necessary health accommodations, of course. But no need to put your medicine containers, or diagnosis, on your workplace or Yeshiva desk.

    #1992530
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Um… that would be nice but that’s not quite true. There are many with Asperger’s who fit in quite well but they put in a lot of work and deserve credit for that.
    “like diabetes”? Cmon man.

    #1992677
    mobico
    Participant

    I am no expert. and I live in E”Y, but I know many people with various forms of autism. I further know many families with children on the spectrum. I have not seen or felt a bias against such conditions.

    #1992698
    MaidofCH
    Participant

    I wonder — why do you seek out other autistics? To revel in certain behavior?

    Many of us are either on the spectrum or have certain conditions like ADHD (like me). But wouldn’t it be better to seek out the mainstream in order to learn to manage certain behaviors?

    Yes, people on the spectrum might understand each other better, or share certain challenges. But if you’re both lacking in social skills, for example, what do you gain by similar company? If I’m learning a foreign language, for example, I’d rather be around a native speaker than a fellow newbie, who has to struggle to construct basic sentences or learn the culture.

    In my youth I was considered a weird kid, who was ostracized (and painfully bullied). I realize now why. Certainly no one should be abused (and the more vicious ones also had problems). However, no one should simply be allowed to get away with certain behaviors either. Having whatever disorder does not give anyone license to be silly and infantile.

    Don’t be so sure that a more modern or diluted Orthodox community will be accepting either. I don’t expect to fit in everywhere, but if I fit in nowhere, then the problem is me, not the community.

    #1992715

    Maido, I also understand more on add v autism of which I know nothing. There are good reasons for add people to at least avoid authority figures who try to break creativity and force them to be like others. I am not sure whether the alternative would be to put all such kids together.who will manage such balagan!? So, the question on autism seems to be: do they really need a support group of like people, or simply adults who understand them and help them following their path

    #1992763
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @AAQ ” autism of which I know nothing.”
    How about this for a novel conspect, if you have no clue about the subject refain from commenting about it, I have a son, niece and a cousin all with ASD so i have first hand knowlege

    #1992817
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    How old are they? Are they around my age (25)?

    #1992824
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    one is a young adult, one is a teen and one is child

    #1992825
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    FYI, they are serviced by Hamaspik, HCS and Rayim, other service providers include Yeled vYalad, SHI and Shema Kolanu, all of these are servicing people with ASD and charedi, so I really dont know where your coming from on this angle

    #1992941
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    Those services help with improvements but I’m talking about a social group for autistic people.

    #1992949
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    They have social activities as well. You can meet people like yourself as well as keeping friends you already have. Looking for friends online isn’t safe at all and you should never try to make friends that way.
    Plwase ask your mom or your doctor or call refuah and tell them what you are looking for. Those are safe options. Asking people online is never a good idea unless you can get someone you trust to check in to it

    #1992956
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    HCS, Rayim and Hamapik all have social groups, call Relief Resourse in BP for other leads

    #1992957
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    What’s the website and number?

    #1992960
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    Maid; i feel that your question to our esteemed poster was accusatory and frankly abusive. Wanting to be with people who understand your personality because they have a similar neurological makeup is not “reveling”, it is feeling validated and familiar, and not the “other”. We’re not talking about someone who is, say overweight, and prefers being around obese people to not feel that they have to lose weight. Autistic people are born autistic and that’s how hashem made them; they deserve to feel comfortable among us and each other just as much as anyone else. Whatever differences they have socially etc, are not our business. Our business is to be mekayam veahavta lereacha kamocha and nothing more.

    Think of it this way; you’re lubavitch, I’m guessing from your acreenane. Imagine never being around anyone – not one person, who has heard of lubavitch, nor are they interested to. They’re all, say… mongolians. They don’t even speak English. Wouldn’t you miss being around other yidden and especially around other chabadniks? Does that mean you’re “revelling”?

    Ephraim has been hurt enough as it is, let’s not add insult to injury.

    #1992962
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    7184319501 – relief. They respond faster with an email. Google relief jewish organization for the site

    #1993008
    Ephraim Becker
    Participant

    I try emailing them and keep on getting an email back that I’m blocked.

    #1993030

    common > How about this for a novel conspect, if you have no clue about the subject refain from commenting about it,

    hey, when I am commenting without admitting that I know nothing, you are also not happy. I am ain’t votig for you as a Ruv of CR: if you limit posting only to those who know, you might severely damage YWN ad revenue.

    I am simply asking questions and suggesting general ideas for consideration. It is called in modern math “knowledge transfer”.

    #1993137
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @AAQ there is a old poem about “suggesting general ideas for consideration”

    There was six men of Indostan to learning much inclined,Who went to see the Elephant
    (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation might satisfy his mind.

    The First approached the Elephant, and happening to fall against his broad and sturdy side,
    At once began to bawl the Elephant is very like a wall

    The Second, feeling of the tusk cried: “Ho!—what have we here so very round and smooth and sharp? To me ‘t is mighty clear this wonder of an Elephant is very like a spear!”

    The Third approached the animaland happening to take the squirming trunk within his hands,
    Thus boldly up and spoke:”I see,” he said “the Elephant is very like a snake!”

    The Fourth reached out his eager hand, and felt about the knee.what most this wondrous beast is like is mighty plain, said he;” its is clear enough the Elephant is very like a tree!”

    The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, he said: “Even the blindest man can tell what this resembles most, no one can deny the fact this marvel of an Elephant is very like a fan!”

    The Sixth no sooner had begun bbout the beast to grope, then, seizing on the swinging tail
    that fell within his scope, “I see,” he said, “the Elephant is very like a rope!”

    So there you have it, my dear AAQ, you can ask question and do your research and act like people above and come up with the wrong answer.

    PS do us all a favor, on sensitive topics like ASD where you have no first hand knowlege please refrain from commenting.

    #1993142
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Common- while i don’t disagree with you, why did you ignore the 3 absoluyely moronic and somewhat insulting posts and comment on his, which was neither?

    #1993146
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @AAQ, I am not in the running for CR of the CR, that nomination went to Reb E with GH being nominated as Associate Rabbi, my nomination is for Candyman of the CR

    #1993148
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @syag
    Sophomoric humor is that which is juvenile and puerile. It is a type of comedy that often includes toilet humor and gags that are based on an appeal to a silly sense of immaturity, I tend not to dignify them with a response.

    #1993176
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I’m not understanding how that applies here. Those posters seemed to think they were providing genuine although baseless and useless advice.

    #1993258

    > my nomination is for Candyman of the CR

    So, even if I get through the mods, I am then censored by the .. candyman. Sweet!

    #1993257

    Common, thanks for the elephant story. It is indeed relevant to the state of art in knowledge transfer. The correct “big picture” algorithms would then consider – how is it likely to have a spear, a snake, a wall and a rope all in one place? If not, then they need to be substituted by other things that fit together. Some ascribe this approach to Mishna Berurah – let’s resolve the issue the best way possible (while respecting sources the best way possible) v. some previous codes that focus on resolving the shitos on their own. Not my thought, so don’t flame me.

    #1993292
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @AAQ, I am not going to dignify this meaningless drivel with a response

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