July 20, 2011 4:37 am at 4:37 am #598102Still lookingParticipant
I’d like to applaud those among us who have been in very difficult/abusive/unstable marriages, and who had the strength of character to pick themselves up and get out! Not only did they do the right thing by protecting themselves, but they are also protecting their dear children. It was far from easy to do, and each person must have experienced their very own Gehinnom while going through it.
When I look around and see so many divorces, i don’t cry that so many people got up and left – I cry that there are so many abusive, unhealthy, angry and unwell people in the world. And I cry for the spouse that had to live with them.
If you or someone you know is in such a marriage, it is your chiyuv to help them get out!!! You are only helping and protecting them by doing so.
And now, I would like to give a standing ovation to our brave brothers and sisters who have proudly stood up for the truth, who have kept their courage, and with their tremendous trust in Hashem have taken steps in the right direction.
Finally, I whisper a prayer that Hashem should heal all the Cholim of Klal Yisroel – those that are suffering physically along with those that that are emotionally unwell. May Hashem protect the innocent men and women that are so helplessly ensnared in abusive relationships. May Hashem have mercy on the precious children that are suffering all alone. And may we merit the ultimate Geulah when our nation will have a complete and total yeshuah.
Please post your positive thoughts on this topic. Thank you!July 20, 2011 4:49 am at 4:49 am #787432
They often end up a sad and lonely divorcee. Often they even end up with an even worse marriage when remarrying. Not to mention their poor children who end up as pawns as the former spouses duke it out with each other.July 20, 2011 4:51 am at 4:51 am #787433Bagel BoyParticipant
if the choice is growing up in a home with an abusive parent or growing in the home of a divorced parent i say its a no brainer, do u think he is just gonna be abusive to the wife and not the kids you are kidding yourself.July 20, 2011 5:02 am at 5:02 am #787434
If shes abusive to the kids when she is married, she will be abusive to them when shes divorced. She is still a parent when shes divorced, and has visitation rights with her kids even if she doesn’t have custody.July 20, 2011 5:05 am at 5:05 am #787435WolfishMusingsParticipant
They often end up a sad and lonely divorcee.
They also often go on to find second husbands and wives with whom they are happier than they were with their first spouses.
The WolfJuly 20, 2011 5:11 am at 5:11 am #787436
They are throwing the dice. They will probably marry another divorcee (if they ever remarry) who has their own divorce baggage. They are very limited in whom they will likely find as a spouse for remarriage.July 20, 2011 5:14 am at 5:14 am #787437WolfishMusingsParticipant
They are throwing the dice.
We do that every day of our lives with just about every decision we make.
They will probably marry another divorcee (if they ever remarry) who has their own divorce baggage.
That’s true, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be happy in their second marriages. I know quite a number of divorcees who are happily remarried.
The WolfJuly 20, 2011 5:35 am at 5:35 am #787438Still lookingParticipant
Pac-Man it’s obvious that you never lived in the same house as an abusive person. Loneliness is difficult, but it can be bliss after being in an abusive relationship.
So many people say to stick out a bad marriage for the sake of the children. But did anyone ever think that maybe children can also get hurt by abuse??? Would you like to know what those children-turned adults-have to say on the matter? Because I can tell you…July 20, 2011 5:57 am at 5:57 am #787439
I know quite a number of divorcees who are happily remarried.
How do you know they are happy? Because they told you? Because of external appearances? How often during their now dissolved marriage were outsiders aware of their unhappiness? Generally speaking people didn’t advertise their unhappiness then, and aren’t advertising it in their new marriage.July 20, 2011 11:54 am at 11:54 am #787440600 Kilo BearMember
My friend was an alman when he married his daughter-in-law’s mother, who was a grusha. They could not be happier together.
A lady from my shul married someone who went meshugge and returned to his pre-gerus status; they obviously got divorced. She married a divorced man who became a BT after he divorced. They are doing just fine.
A rov whom I know and who many others here may know had to divorce his first wife because she declined in her level of observance (she had studied in a secular college because she needed the credits to go on for professional school and she studied all kinds of needless and unrelated kefira that caused her to go off). He married an almanah and they are doing just fine.July 20, 2011 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm #787441get a lifeMember
Still looking – you said it all! Kol Hacavod.
Pac Man, the child suffers if only because he learns to abuse as well. Also YES many people are happy in their second marriges. Lonliness is better than abuse! the question is, is the abuse real or imaginary?
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