Good Middos vs. Good Marks

I’m actually happy they don’t focus on middos.

Schools usually teach things in the worst way possible, and are usually counterproductive if anything. So it is better for them to teach something unimportant like grades, than middos.

Right, so we agree.

deiyezooger, good point. Unfortunately though, most teachers aren’t aware of the middos of their students. The brilliant know-it-all who always takes part in the discussions, davens with great kavana and constantly raises her/his hand, may have rotten middos. Or the quiet girl in the corner who seems to be the sweetest thing who’s just shy, may be dead jealous, or badmouthes other people. Or the other way around.

Life isn’t fair. Guess who typically get’s to be head of G.O.? The smartest, lively top girls. Who’ll get the teaching job? The girl who worked hard on her middos? No. The one who’s popular, smart and well-liked. This is how things work. Tough. You won’t change the system.

But y’know what? The girl/boy who has refined middos, gets her/his reward in the long run. After all, people like to befriend or employ people who are open-minded, patient, accept others’ veiws etc.

i think my teachers always noticed good middot and pointed it out in the comments and columns on report cards , i don’t think it went unnoticed and i dont think teachers autimatically like students who are smart, it think their middot is a bigg part

Many girls schools value midos. Some have a different midah of the month with associated projects, etc. Some have midos awards at graduation. Many have mandatory chesed projects.

If you’re finding a particular problem with your girls’ schools, your best bet would be to meet with the teachers and express your concerns at the BEGINNING of the year (rather than waiting till PTA).

Hatzlacha

What about the child who does not have good middos – who was brought up with bad middos – and is trying his/her best?

Good point. The point of life is to work on our middos, not to just have good middos.

So why should we reward kids who have good middos; we should reward middos improvements which are above the average improvement.

Or just stop playing G-d.

I think certain schools do focus on midos. The girls that I’ve met from YOB have the best midos I’ve seen. It’s noticeable.

In general, academia is what’s most valued. Frankly, I think life skills is the most important thing to teach. IMHO, there need to be staff who work closely with students on developing confidence, the ability to work and think as part of a team (and part of that is midos), skills that allow students (on a basic level) to earn a living once they graduate (bookkeeping classes, etc). Kids are graduating and are pushed into shidduchim quickly, but lack the skills to be part of a marriage.

I agree with you. I think our school systems have gotten lost in the system.