Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Help Speaking To Grieving People
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May 12, 2011 1:51 pm at 1:51 pm #596844adorableParticipant
what would you tell someone as chizuk when they are grieving someone that is no longer in their life.
May 12, 2011 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #774067canineMemberToo vague to answer. Why is the person no longer in his life?
May 12, 2011 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #774068adorableParticipantuse your imagination- some of you here have very wild ones…. cant get into it to much but a guy that she used to be close to us out of her life- her choice- she knew it was wrong and wants to move up in life but its still killing her. she misses him like nuts and its just so hard. I dont want her to go back to him so have to give her the support she needs
May 12, 2011 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #774069Pac-ManMemberIs the person a relative or a (former) friend?
May 12, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #774070adorableParticipantpacman- which person are you talking about?
May 12, 2011 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #774071aries2756Participantadorable, we go through what we go through for a reason and we don’t always know why. People walk through our lives for a reason as well. We learn something from different people and from different relationships. Sometimes it is that we should NOT have had that relationship and we know better for the future but we still needed to go through it to learn that. We learn something from everyone we meet and every experience we have. So we should appreciate all the friendships and all the relationships we experience. And we also need to appreciate the hardships we go through when the relationships end because that too is a learning experience for the future.
Sometimes we gain understanding, compassion, patience, and other values from a relationship that wasn’t destined to last, but yet it did have meaning and was productive and purposeful while it lasted. So things happen for a reason and end for a reason. Hashem is in charge and he helps us through the good times and the bad, the ups and the downs and through all the bumps on the road.
May 12, 2011 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #774072ShrekParticipantvalidate how hard it is.
tell her how much you respect her decision.
tell her that Hashem sees her efforts and is proud.
tell her it’s normal to feel distressed & that you are there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on.
May 12, 2011 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #774073believerParticipantOut of her life because they fought? out of her life because they were nifter? out of her life because she moved away? out of her life because they r sik or nifter? out of her life because she didnt get along nd now they are not on talking terms? If your going to post put some details so we can actually follow what your talkinb abt and giv u advice. tnx
May 13, 2011 4:23 am at 4:23 am #774075adorableParticipantaries- thank you for the sound advice I think that makes sense. I know that she reads Garden of Emunah but I think it is bound to be a hard decision for her because its still raw pain. My heart hurts for her and I just hope she can keep to her decision.
May 13, 2011 7:36 pm at 7:36 pm #774076observanteenMemberadorable: I went through something similar to the situation you describe. Those weeks were sheer torture. I felt as if somebody has torn out a chamber of my heart. The healing process was painful and took a lot of emotional strength. What was most helpful to me, was a listening ear. No, you don’t have to fully understand what that person’s going through (if you do, then great). Try not to interrupt her when she unburdens to you. Just simply listen. Please don’t tell her she should stop thinking about him and move on. When anybody loses a close relative, the Torah tells us to sit shiva and discuss the niftar. Why don’t we just tell them to move on? Why do we dwell on the fact that they’re no longer here? Because it’s just impossible to “stop thinking” (as many “considerate” people advised me to do). We do think about them.
BUT, we also have to learn to move on. Gently, try pulling her back to reality. Take her out to eat, go shopping etc.
In my case, my friends were very anxious that I turn into my usual self and just go on with life. Thanks to that, my healing process didn’t take too long but was very, very painful. B”H, I’m now over with that (although there are still some fresh wounds and bruises).
She knows she’s done the right thing. Try giving her chizuk, share your thoughts on the matter(you can reiterate your point a million times – she wants to hear how harmful and dangerous it was), and just be there for her. That’s what mostly counts.
Hatzlacha Rabba.
May 13, 2011 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #774077adorableParticipantobs- thank you your words really touched me. In this zechus, it should be easy for you to overcome it
May 15, 2011 2:12 am at 2:12 am #774078amichaiParticipantbe a good listener. (not always so easy). she might need to go over the same things of why she came to that decision. hatzlocha.
May 15, 2011 3:31 am at 3:31 am #774079observanteenMemberadorable: Amen, thank you. BTW, I was in a rush while I posted so it turned out a bit choppy. My situation wasn’t similar (the friend was my gender, pretty harmful though), only the feelings were.
You’re saying you’re afraid she’ll go back to him. What prevented me from going back was the guidance and chizuk I constantly got. If she ever tells you that she’ll just text him “once”, or send a letter or any form of contact just to tell him “one important thing that’ll show him it’s over” please, PLEASE DON’T let her! She was drawn to him for a reason and the reason’s still there. She must sever ALL contact with him. Try giving her some of the love and care he showed her to compensate for that.
B’hatzlacha.
May 16, 2011 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm #774080adorableParticipantI found 71 reason of why a girl should not talk to a guy. Thought they were really amazing. She says she has to read them over every night…
May 16, 2011 2:10 pm at 2:10 pm #774081dunnoMemberadorable
Why don’t you post it to help others here who might need it?
May 16, 2011 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #774082adorableParticipantwho changed the name of this thread?!?!?!? I dont think the mods will let it through but I can try. It is very helpful for ANYONE and EVERYONE out there…. trust me! will look for it soon
May 17, 2011 1:57 pm at 1:57 pm #774083adorableParticipantI realized that time heals…. I think there is nothing like it….it also pays to have good friends… thank you for your help keep it comign
June 3, 2011 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #774084adorableParticipantguys any more suggestions?
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