Had a bad Yom Kippur

I wanted to write about this now rather than wait a year when the memories are still strong. I have several problems this year as well as past years.

the fast got me feeling really down to the point that I go home after Mussaf (we have a break), and just sleep, wake up an hour before the end, daven Neilla myself. I have a bad back, and as well the fasting is very hard on me. So for most of the davening I was not ‘getting’ much out of it. Again, i am not questioning the need to fast but how to reduce the suffering so that, it’s not all about, when will this be over? isn’t there supposed to be a getting closest to Hashem? Because I felt none of that.

Practically, would it make more sense that I leave Shule earlier, like say 1.30pm, get a strong rest and then make it back for Mincha/Neila. The technical problem is that the only Shule where I live that I can fathom, is about 25 -30 minutes walk. Which i have done when i was younger, walk back for Mincha. Is it old age that puts the curtain on energy, or do I need to do more to have more energy in general? so that the day is not lost?