January 2, 2011 6:37 pm at 6:37 pm #593893Aishes ChayilParticipant
Can someone please elaborate on the concept?
When are you allowed to say something? To what extent does aperson have to wrong you before you can confront him ? Does this apply to a teacher with her students as well? Teachers can be very rough and humiliate kids…. your thoughts please;)January 2, 2011 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #724030eclipseMember
Re: Mechanchim embarrassing talmidim,please read Chaim Walder’s People Speak #4.A few of those stories are on that topic and really drive the point home.
Re:giving someone mussar,it is always best to take the person aside.
As far as the exact loshon:that causing a person’s face to turn white (with embarrassment) is as if he killed him…I watched a parent pass away,and that is exactly what happens…so likening boosha to misa is not an exaggeration.January 3, 2011 6:06 am at 6:06 am #724031oomisParticipant
Always speak to someone privately when giving mussar, and do it lovingly with friendship.
NEVER embarrass someone in public, except to save a life, though I cannot envision such a scenario at the moment.
At one time, I had teachers who would ridicule some students and that was just awful for the students who were humiliated in class by them. Thankfully, I was not one of them, but in retrospect, I can see how it had to have been very hurtful to them.January 3, 2011 1:20 pm at 1:20 pm #724032Aishes ChayilParticipant
‘and do it lovingly with friendship.’
If that person did you sufficinet damage, I dont think your Mechuyov to do it lovingly. Sorry! Telling her off in private is one thing, but sometimes a person has to be sternly criticized for theri behavious.January 4, 2011 3:19 am at 3:19 am #724033eclipseMember
Rabbi Ezriel Tauber said in a shiur years ago: “If you have a strong urge to criticize someone…YOU probably should not be the one to do it.When it literally PAINS you to have to tell the person the necessary mussar,you will come across much kinder, and be more effective.”
THESE ARE NOT HIS EXACT WORDS,BUT THE IDEA HE CONVEYED.
He’s not saying the person doesn’t need mussar,but if you want to actually accomplish any good…you must consider your true motives.
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