I'm having problems with my skirt length

blonj

Just curious a non Jewish college or Touro or some other Jewish college program?

If the college would have a dress code which would include longer skirts would you have this problem? If you would get yourself another few easy credits for wearing longer skirts would you have this problem? …are you perhaps ashamed of showing you are a frum girl. By the way are there any Moslems with their hair covered in this college who feel this way about covering their hair all the time???

blonj

Well it makes sense that in a mixed environment you would get male attention for dressing a certain way so its hard to dress differently and risk losing that. Clearly a self esteem issue. Ill leave it to the girls to help you with the self esteem. However I am never surprised when I hear that people in coed colleges run into problems. In fact even in non coed college there are bad influences so it goes without saying that in such an environment your Yiddishkiet will be under attack. I would tell you that you should find a mentor like a teacher/Rebbitzen someone who you can be in touch with on a regular basis. I would also say that if you don’t regularly read some kind of Torah content (at least once a week when your mind is clear read a sefer in Hebrew or English for a significant amount of time and make an effort to inculcate it in your life) you will find yourself slipping in other areas as well very soon.

Your head is in the right place. Hashem will surely guide you on the right path. Cut your parents some slack, it’s almost impossible for you to understand how they feel.

Let me tell you what someone once said to me.

Forget about why you have a hard time doing it. Stop making excuses. It is halacha. Think about it. Do you really want to be the kind of person who doesn’t care about halacha? A girl who doesn’t care about halacha- you know who she marries? A guy who doesn’t care about halacha.

You are ruining your reputation.You are showing the world you don’t care enough about halacha to keep it.

I get why it’s hard. I’m a girl too. But who cares if you feel prettier that way? It’s immature. Cover your knees. It’s halacha.

Dear blonj,

This is especially for YOU.

PLEASE take time to read my post. These words are coming from my heart. I hope they will enter your heart.

First of all, I am blown away by your honesty and sincerity. Really. Although I am probably just about the same age as you (in my first few years of college), I have already had the opportunity to talk intimately with many young woman who are having struggles in the area of tznius. Seeing their raw pain in this struggle breaks my heart. They know deep down (if they are fortunate) what is the right thing to do, but the desire (almost subconcious!) to do the opposite is so strong! What always troubles me is that this is a mitzvah which is sooo important to women (and the yetzer hara knows that so he makes it verrrry difficult), but it’s so public!! You can’t hide what level you’re up to. It’s right out there in the open! Imagine if you’re exact level in tefillah or tzedakah was posted on a billboard for all to see? How embarassing! You would feel so pressured to improve! But would you improve? Probably not because most people do NOT perform well with pressure. It feels so ‘unfair’ that a woman’s level in tznius is so publicly known! Why, as I mentioned is it such an important mitzvah for women? (I don’t have a source for this, but some say it is equivalent to a man’s Torah learning – *If anyone knows the source for this, please post it.) Because a Jewish woman is sooo precious and sooo Holy, like a Sefer Torah, because her body has the potential to bring many more Holy Neshamos into this world (this is just one understanding…). If a Sefer Torah is so special, do we then open it up at all times, in public, so everyone can see it’s beauty? Do you keep your most expensive jewelry on display in the middle of you front yard or tucked away safely? Just as a Sefer Torah must be covered in a beautiful velvet cloth, and is then placed inside an Aron, and then behind a beautiful Peroches, so to a Jewish woman covers herself because she is so special and Holy.

If you only view this Mitzvah as “HALACHA!!! YOU MUST DO IT!!,” you will only succeed if you already have an EXTREMELY straight forward, no feelings way of thinking. If you have feelings connected to this Mitzvah, such as, “I want to feel pretty in my clothing,” then this approach will not work for you (and you can join the club!) However, that straight-forward, no feelings mindset may be necessary when you KNOW you need to, say, get rid of a skirt and there’s no time to dilly-dally until you “feel” up to it. But once you take that step and it becomes habit, it will only get easier from there.

Still sounds very difficult? I don’t blame you. But let me tell you my experience. My friends call me the ‘Tznius lady.’ Years ago, at the beginning of my teenage years, NOBODY would have called me that. I dressed just like many of the other girls in my class. Basically okay. Or so I thought. But at some point my eyes opened up and various messages from various people started finding their way into my heart and I had these random surges of energy to take those ‘big steps.’ And (cutting out several years worth of info here, for lack of time/space) here I am today, married to a real BEN TORAH (hence my screen name 🙂 ) and as tznius as can be. I did not all at once say, HEY! IT’S HALACHA! and viola! Nope. But Hashe-m was SUPER generous and sent me kind messengers who steered me in the right direction (I went back and thanked many of them YEARS later for the influence they had on me just by being an EXAMPLE for tznius). Now, I will daven for you that you get your ‘messages’ and that they are able to penetrate your heart, but until that happens, let me tell you what it feels like on the other end of the struggle: AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Yes, I do have some smaller struggles once in a while, like an adorable skirt in the store, or a shirt that became too tight… but I KNOW that I will NEVER be struggling with the things I struggled with years ago, (such as covering my legs! And tight T-shirts. Skirts that are a bit snug you-know-where – these last few examples where simply because I was a growing teenager having a hard time letting go of my cute clothing – it was HARD). It’s amazing – you feel so….. BIG! so HIGH and ELEVATED when your struggles (there always will be SOME) are on a TOTALLY DIFFERENT LEVEL(!!) than they used to be. And you KNOW there’s know going all the way back down ‘THERE.’ It feels VERY good. Take it from me – it’s definitely worth the climb. The view from ‘up here’ is fabulous!!

I don’t know exactly how you could contact me (Mods??) but I have a beautiful article on tznius, with many PRACTICAL tips and lots of POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT that I have already passed on to hundreds of people with very positive response. I would love to post it here and share with you, blonj, but it’s much too long. PLEASE try to get in touch with me – maybe just respond to my post and I’ll see it here??

BEST OF LUCK AND LOTS OF LOVE!

Look, 1st of all, everone has something thats hard for them. Example, for me, ive been around losts of bad influences growing up, but tzinyus has always been easy, i can never understand why you cant wear a long skirt….theyre comfortable and who cares what others think. Mini skirts…(i think, ive never worn one) sound tight and annoying and uncomfortable, plus they arent tzniyus…..but for you it is tznitus! !!! Kol hakovad that you really want to change! College, is not a very good place, one of the latest familyfirsts had a feature on how to get through it. If you can get a hold of it, the advice was really good

?????

He’s currently learning full time but isn’t makpid on skirt length. I”m very serious

So what you’re saying is, he doesn’t care about halacha. Sounds like a lovely boy.

This strikes me as odd. People don’t apply the same leniencies to say, keeping Shabbos, as they do for tznius. I think that we spend a lot of time giving reasons why (and many of these reasons are garbage) that we forget that it is an obligation. Would you drive on Shabbos? No. Because in your head that’s non-negotiable. Same should go for tznius.

writersoul – great post!

I just had to make a trip to a local gemach because of the same issue. I only found two skirts that met my length requirements given my height, but one of them is a pencil skirt that if I sit in a car, might expose part of my leg if I get out even though its duty length, the other one needs to be tailored to make three inches shorter and the waist adjusted.

Oh, and a postscript, just bringing something up that I think is mucho important and kind of ignored-

I’m 5’1″ and I have a hard time finding cute skirts (for when courtesy dictates that I don’t wear a biz) that aren’t above my knee. My sister is 5’9″ and she has a MURDEROUS time. I have friends who are even taller and they have the same problem. I don’t live in Brooklyn or anything, so maybe this does exist in other places, but I feel like there’s a lack in general of “tall girl” skirts. The skirts seem to be made for five foot nothing people and therefore, of course it’ll be hard to find a long enough skirt.

Try buying kilts. Since they’re made for men, they are probably intended for taller people.

If a guy is learning full time and doesn’t plan on supporting his wife, that’s a major case of him not following halakha.

You’re in grad school?! I hope not for a masters in English, Education, or speech.

(” I am Currently in graduate school actually, so I have already went through 3 years of undergraduate college.:)