height in shidduchim
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- This topic has 73 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by Nechomah.
January 20, 2011 1:46 am at 1:46 am #594332
would you feel comfortable going out with someone taller/shorter than you? guys: how do u feel about dating taller girls? girls, how do you feel about dating shorter boys? what have been your experiences, and how important is height?January 20, 2011 2:19 am at 2:19 am #1034012
Very important. I am tall for a girl (and apparently for most Jewish males) and I dont feel comfortable dating someone shorter than me.January 20, 2011 2:25 am at 2:25 am #1034013A23Participant
As someone who is 6’4″, if the girl is taller than me, kol hakavod.January 20, 2011 2:27 am at 2:27 am #1034014Bed-StuyParticipant
A bochur once asked Rav Moshe if he thinks he should marry this wonderful girl whose only chisoron is that she’s too tall. So Rav Moshe suggested asking his Rebbitzin. Rebbetzin Feinstein came over, Rav Moshe stood up for her, and she was towering over Rav Moshe as he asked her if this has been a problem.January 20, 2011 2:31 am at 2:31 am #1034015☕️coffee addictParticipant
my wife is a foot shorter than me, I don’t care and no-one else should!January 20, 2011 2:31 am at 2:31 am #1034016HomeownerMember
I am six feet and I think weight is more important. To quote some sage advice from my law school classmates, “Never date a girl who weighs more than you.” 🙂January 20, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am #1034017
When you first start dating this is a real issue. As you continue to date and really look for your bashert, you come to realize that this is really NOT what is important. Hashem has no intention of always putting Barbie together with Ken.January 20, 2011 4:35 am at 4:35 am #1034018
“When you first start dating this is a real issue…”
Still is.January 20, 2011 4:44 am at 4:44 am #1034019amichaiParticipant
off hand I know 3 couples whom the wife is taller than the hubby. they are perfectly happy.January 20, 2011 4:49 am at 4:49 am #1034020popa_bar_abbaParticipant
So how come girls are allowed to say no because of height, but guys are evil when they say no because of weight?January 20, 2011 5:03 am at 5:03 am #1034022Boro Park GirlMember
I know a couple that the wife is older and taller than the husband and they are very happy. Yet, at the beginning. when my parents look into any shidduch, they do inquire about height and weight.January 20, 2011 5:14 am at 5:14 am #1034023dunnoMember
“Very important. I am tall for a girl (and apparently for most Jewish males) and I dont feel comfortable dating someone shorter than me.”
“So how come girls are allowed to say no because of height, but guys are evil when they say no because of weight?”
They’re not. They’re honest.January 20, 2011 5:25 am at 5:25 am #1034024oomisParticipant
My dad was shorter than my mom. It didn’t hurt them any. Thatbeing said, there is short and there is short. My daughter is 5’2″. She is simply not comfortable with a guy who is shorter than 5’7″ or so. She lieks to wear high heelsand feels awkward when she is at eye level talking to her date. She HAS gone out with several guys who were around her height, and she really felt awkward with them. You cannot fault someone for what is or is not attractive.
When you speak about the weight issue, a little overweight is not the same as someone who is obese. The problem also is that our society has determined that a girl is not attractive unless she is nearly emaciated. if you would look at old movies with Marilyn Monroe,Jane Russell, Sophia Loren etc. women who were undeniably attractive, none of them was a skinny mini. Lucille Ball who was a beautiful woman, was an admitted Size 12-14. If she were a young frum woman today, do you think based on today’s standards she would be redt any shidduchim?
So guys seem to have truly unrealistic values regarding weight and size. Girls who are a size 0-2 are probably not much fun to take out for a meal, anyway. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that we have to be less concerned with numbers, and more concerned with the total package. Some girls who could stand to lose a little weight, can make awfully amazing wives and mothers. And that skinny girl can get fat, too.January 20, 2011 11:30 am at 11:30 am #1034025
can we please please please stick to height and not weight, people?? i appreciate all your responses, but lets leave the weight discussion for the weight threadSSS–this is different. thanks!January 20, 2011 2:22 pm at 2:22 pm #1034026
“off hand I know 3 couples whom the wife is taller than the hubby. they are perfectly happy”
No one is saying that you cant be happy with a guy shorter than you, its an individual preference.
I went out w one guy who was the same height as me… I felt like I was on a date w my 10 year old brother. I need a guy I can look up to, actually and figuratively.January 20, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #1034027
Popa, I think neither are evil. The difference is though, weight can be changed but height cannot (unless you are talking about 15 year olds getting married).
I understand Sac. I am in no way tall (5’3.5″) but I have trouble with men who are my height. My husband is 5’11” (not particularly tall), but tall enough for me. Besides, isn’t a woman supposed to look up to her husband? 😛January 20, 2011 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #1034028
I think the whole height issue is strange. Who cares about height? Does he have middos? Is he what you are looking for in a husband? ok then go out with him. who cares how tall he is. Im 5 feet and the shadchanim always say well do you care if he is 5’6 or 6 feet. I say I don’t care because someone’s height you can get over, but if a boy doesn’t have middos then that is a problem. Sometimes it bothers me in which order the questions are asked. I think we lost sight of what’s important.January 20, 2011 8:55 pm at 8:55 pm #1034029
Righteous of you not to care/understand when you are 5′.January 20, 2011 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #1034030
ok maybe I don’t have the same problem as taller girls but still I think that other things are more importantJanuary 20, 2011 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm #1034031
If he is an Apikores and 6’2” yea, good chance I wont marry him.January 20, 2011 9:12 pm at 9:12 pm #1034032
Attraction is a part of marriage.
I find short men “half-men” – I can’t help it. I know plenty of short, wonderful men, but I could never have married one of them.January 20, 2011 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #1034033Mister PloniParticipant
It’s obvious that our yeshivas and seminaries have done a pretty dismal job. Sure you girls know Navi, Hashkafa, etc. and guys are learning with Rishonim and Achranim well mastered. But in terms of real life and decision-making…. well frankly it’s pretty pathetic.
I guess it’s good Rav Moshe was a young man today, he’d never find a shidduch.
(And we wonder why Moshiach has come yet!! Oh brother.)January 20, 2011 10:01 pm at 10:01 pm #1034034chayav inish livisumayParticipant
height is a big factor in everybodys mind but in reality its not such a big deal thats why tgere are so many marriages where the guy is a foot taller, or the girl is a little tallerJanuary 20, 2011 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #1034035
post sem, yeah of course other things are MORE important, that doesn’t mean this doesn’t count for some. besides, you can’t really judge people who are taller than you who want someone at least as tall as them–what if you were redt a guy who was 4’8″? (compared to ur 5′) yeah…….thats what its like for a girl who if 5’10 to be redt a guy who is 5’7″. the end of the world? no. a certain comfort level? probably.January 21, 2011 1:20 am at 1:20 am #1034036
I dont know that I think of them as “half men” as you put it.
I know of plenty good looking guys who are around 5’8”… It’s too bad that they are shorter than me.
BTW, most men arent secure enough in their masculinity to date a girl taller than them, so it goes both ways.January 21, 2011 3:16 am at 3:16 am #1034037
Sac, it is very disheartening to hear that you are still hung up on the height issue. I would think that after dating so many guys you would understand what your real priorities should be.January 21, 2011 5:14 am at 5:14 am #1034038
pet peeve- I guess you are right. I don’t know how they feel.January 21, 2011 5:40 am at 5:40 am #1034039Divorced_GuyMember
Oomis – re-read your post. Your are totally comfortable with your daughters desire to be able to wear heels with her husband, but imply that guy’s who don’t find heavy women attractive have something wrong with them. Talk about a double standard. Aint nothing a guy can do about his height, but men and women can work-out and diet to improve their figure and weight.January 21, 2011 2:29 pm at 2:29 pm #1034040
I am sorry you feel disheartened.January 23, 2011 4:03 am at 4:03 am #1034041mw13Participant
“My daughter is 5’2″. She is simply not comfortable with a guy who is shorter than 5’7″ or so… You cannot fault someone for what is or is not attractive.”
“guys seem to have truly unrealistic values regarding weight and size… The bottom line (no pun intended) is that we have to be less concerned with numbers, and more concerned with the total package. Some girls who could stand to lose a little weight, can make awfully amazing wives and mothers.”
Interesting how “not faulting someone for what is or is not attractive” is apparently only for the girls, not the boys…
“Sac, it is very disheartening to hear that you are still hung up on the height issue. I would think that after dating so many guys you would understand what your real priorities should be.”
I don’t think this has to do with being “hung up” on a particular issue as much as it about the sheer stupidity of marrying somebody who you are simply not attracted to (no matter what the reason is). That’s not just asking for trouble, that’s getting down on your knees and begging for trouble.January 24, 2011 2:30 am at 2:30 am #1034042mom of a fewMember
where have all the tall yeshiva bochrim gone? Been to a wedding lately they all seem so short.January 24, 2011 4:26 am at 4:26 am #1034043Sister BearMember
My aunts and grandmother are all like 5’8″, 5’9″ and my grandmother used to joke whenever she saw a tall guy with a short girl, that’s another one wasted. 🙂
where have all the tall yeshiva bochrim gone? Been to a wedding lately they all seem so short.
I know!!! It’s crazy. I see these little boys who look like they’re 8 but then they have hats on and I’m like what??? I’m soooo glad I’m older than them 🙂 cuz I would really love to be shorter than my husband (and I’m not even so tall)January 24, 2011 4:51 am at 4:51 am #1034044koillel101Member
The question isn’t if they’re tall or short its if the boy are tall enough for the girlJanuary 25, 2011 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1034045The Coffee BeanMember
A lot of girls dont care… its more the boys being insecure about their height.January 25, 2011 1:30 am at 1:30 am #1034046
I don’t think it is sheer stupidity or anything other than not giving shorter guys the opportunity to “wow” you with their personality, charm, good looks, good midos, good manners, etc. How would you know that you are uncomfortable if you don’t give a guy a chance? And what makes you think you would NOT be a attracted to someone that is shorter than you JUST because he is shorter than you. Would a not so handsome man who is taller than you but not so up there in all other mailahs be more attractive than a shorter guy will ALL other mailahs? How do you know that you would not rearrange your list of priorities if you met the right man?
More so, how will you ever realize that your priorities are not in the right order if you don’t give these guys a chance?January 25, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am #1034047dunnoMember
Obviously height isn’t a matter of importance to you. For me it is. I have met short guys in the past and truth be told I’m much more attracted to the tall ones. That doesn’t mean I’m throwing away all middos. A tall guy with bad middos would not appeal to me and I would drop him like a hot potato. I’m sure there are short guys out there who have stellar middos. However, I am also sure (and have met) tall guys with great middos too.January 25, 2011 2:48 pm at 2:48 pm #1034048
Its not even a matter of attraction, believe me. I have met some good looking short guys! Its a matter of COMFORT. Although its not exactly the same thing but this is the best way I can describe it, would you be ok going out w a guy w one arm? How about a guy who is deaf? blind? Obviously these examples are more extreme but there is a certain comfort level that you need to be ok with.
Like I said in a previous post, I dated a guy who was the same height as me and I was not comfortable w that, do you think I would be comfortable w someone shorter?!January 25, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #1034049popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Like I said in a previous post, I dated a guy who was the same height as me and I was not comfortable w that, do you think I would be comfortable w someone shorter?!
That makes no sense. We only know you are not ok with someone being the same height. Being taller or being shorter are equally different from being the same height.
You have previously stated that you would be ok with someone taller. Therefore, it stands to reason that you would be ok with someone who was shorter.January 25, 2011 5:13 pm at 5:13 pm #1034050
Sac, I’m short. If a guy is my height, he is practically literally half a man.January 25, 2011 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #1034051
Curious how you missed this post,
“Very important. I am tall for a girl (and apparently for most Jewish males) and I dont feel comfortable dating someone shorter than me.”January 25, 2011 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #1034052cutie pieMember
I am 5″2, which is short. But I would not say no to a guy who’s short, but at least he should be taller than me. But if let’s say he’s only 5″4, It’s not a reason to say no. I know I’m short, and I cannot be picky and say I only want a 5″10er or taller. It’s just not practical. Short girls get short boys. Not always, but most of the time.
It happens to be my friend is 5 feet and her husband is 6 feet. But she wasn’t looking for a guy that height, just someone at least a drop taller than she is, and she was lucky. But I think it’s crazy to say no to a shidduch just because of height!!! 🙂January 25, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #1034053
your previous post, comparing height and disabilities to teh same level of ‘a matter of comfort’ has me confused.
as the mother of a daughter with a hearing impairment, the issue of her hearing impairment and shidduchim has been on mind since she was diagnosed as an infant.
Please dont compare the ‘issue’ of height in shidduchim with the very real issue of disabilities in shidduchim. At least with height, you may be able to convice a boy/girl to go out whereas its much harder to convince or to even try to convince someone to go out with someone with a disability like hearing impairments…January 25, 2011 7:20 pm at 7:20 pm #1034054
As I stated in my post it is NOT the same thing, but thats the best way I could describe it in regards to comfort.
My point was that its not a matter of attraction, it is a matter of comfort.
A good family friends son married a wonderful girl w a cochlear implant. We are not talking about any boy, he had every Shadchan running after him promising him rich fathers-in-law (you know the drill) when they say Top Boy In Lakewood, they are talking about him. She was a top girl, exactly what he was looking for, and she happened to have a cochlear implant. I dont know how many boys would be ok with it, for him it wasnt an issue, didnt faze him in the slightest.
IY”H shidduchim should go smoothly for your daughter (and all your children)January 25, 2011 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #1034055
My daughter isnt in shudduchim yet, ji still have a few more years to worry…lol!
ThanksJanuary 26, 2011 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #1034056bptParticipant
Funny this topic should be a thread of its own, as just the other day, I told my Mrs. that if such-and-such is still available when our bp junior is ready to start dating, I’d push real hard to get that shidduch off the ground.
Her response: But she’s taller than he is!
My response: So?
Hard to believe that something that is completely out of the control of either party (and a fact that effects so little in marraige) should be such a huge obstacle.
I’m still gonna try, I’m just gonna have to try harder.January 26, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #1034057
miritchka, my sister is deaf (not hard of hearing) but doesn’t sign. She has not had a cochlear implant. She married a wonderful, 100% hearing boy who is a great catch. Your daughter will find a wonderful husband IYH.January 26, 2011 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm #1034058chayav inish livisumayParticipant
as in most things with shidduchim its no biggie but its blown out of proportion. let them go out and if they like each other theyll forget about the height difference. i think thats how it should be with all small problems.
but if theres a big problem that might be a reason to not go outJanuary 26, 2011 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #1034059
Thank you SJS. FYI, my daughter has a cochlear implant is doing so well, b”h!January 26, 2011 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #1034060always hereParticipant
believe it or not:
several years ago when my daughter was in shidduchim someone asked me how tall she was, (5’1 1/2″),& then proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t shiach because the boy she was thinking of was 6’1″ & didn’t want so short of a girl!! …obviously, so not beshert! (btw- my dghtr’s husband is 6′).January 26, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #1034061showerzingerMember
I am 6’1″ and I have been redt tens of girls that are 5’/5’1″/5’2″. I personally see no problem with marrying someone significantly shorter than me. I know many happy couples with a height disparity and see no reason why “short girls” should be discriminated against. Not everyone can be 5’5″!
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