October 25, 2012 3:32 am at 3:32 am #605483
I know there have been many shidduch threads before. I am a guy in my twenties and have had enough of going out with girls who dont seem to be getting dates. I understand shaddchanim work really hard and some girls do get many dates however I have already went out with a few girls who seem to be in a lot of pain as if shaddchanim arent doing their best.October 25, 2012 3:36 am at 3:36 am #947590
I know, me too. I tell shadchanim I will only go out with girls who get lots of dates. And that is the first question I ask on the date also.October 25, 2012 3:43 am at 3:43 am #947591
popa: How did your daughter’s dor yeshorim check work out?October 25, 2012 3:46 am at 3:46 am #947592
😀October 25, 2012 3:58 am at 3:58 am #947593GetaclueMember
Wow, sad. These are awesome, smart, pretty girls who feel like they need to “settle” by going out with you. And instead of thanking them you complain! Frankly you sound kind of bitter yourself… Lots of luck, to the girls that go out with you.October 25, 2012 4:09 am at 4:09 am #947594
I’m not complaining about them, I’ve had enough that no one is reading them any shidduchim. Its not so hard to set up a shidduch yet girls can go many months and even in one case I know it was 2 dates over a two year period (if i remeber correctly) thats too crazy I believe more people need to get involved.October 26, 2012 3:34 am at 3:34 am #947595dhl144Member
I am also in my twenties and in shidduchim. WHy in the world would you ask such a pathetic question to a girl on a date? WHat difference in the world does it make to you? and furthermore if you keep ni=oticing that when u ask that question to girls and they get sensetive to it, then maybe you should use your brain and stop asking it! there are plenty of topics and milllions of things to talk about on dates…especially things that will actually make a difference to your life and hers…WHy would you be so pathetic and keep asking the question that the answer to it bothers u? R u going to marry the girl that when u ask her how many dates she has had she gives u a tramendous smile and says “I have gone on many many dates!!” or smiles and says “I dont date much but I know that the right one will come around…” thats a really unimportant thing to base ur dating life on…wow i wonder which girl will marrry u!October 26, 2012 4:22 am at 4:22 am #947596CuriosityParticipant
dhl, you have been here way too long to NOT realize that Popa is being facetious.
I’m also a 20-something year old guy who lives OOT. I got into the parsha about a month ago, but haven’t gotten a date yet because no girls want to fly out of town, and I haven’t yet had the chance to fly out either. I get the impression there are too many girls out there waiting for a prince on a flying horse to swoop in and carry them into the sunset. There are tons of good, normal, personable guys in OOT places that don’t have ppl to date. All the OOT girls freak out b/c of the shidduch crisis so they get shipped out to the edge of the earth for a date with any scarecrow. Meanwhile the OOT guys get stuck with nothing. But maybe I’m just being a cynic.October 26, 2012 4:26 am at 4:26 am #947597
Who said I ask? It happens to come up I personally dont know how many dates every girl I go out with goes on, After dating many girls over a few years it comes up. My point was is that if people would redd shidduchim to people they know it can make a big difference even if it doesnt work out at least the girl would have went out and not feel like the whole world is ignoring her for months on end. I’m not suggesting redding shiduchim that have no shaychus but if it has SOME shaychus you never know.October 26, 2012 4:52 am at 4:52 am #947598
dhl144 – Gee, are you always this warm and friendly? That’s sure to get you LOTS of dates. And by the way – HE WAS BEING SARCASTIC.October 28, 2012 4:07 am at 4:07 am #947599dhl144Member
syag lchochma u seem like such a rebbitzen even if your a man…hav u ever considered being a rebbe/rebbitzen? I think u should consider…it seems u want that…October 28, 2012 5:28 am at 5:28 am #947600more_2Member
Dhl144 Do u think u know who sayag lechachma is?October 28, 2012 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #947601
Popa knows who syag is. Popa will tell you.
Syag is a 94 year old man who lives in Boca Raton and is a retired dentist. He grew up on the lower east side, and claims that the modernishe pickles that come in jars are pig feed. He went to the Rabbi Jacob Joseph school together with zeidy when he was young, and shined shoes during the depression.October 30, 2012 9:50 am at 9:50 am #947602more_2Member
I know there have been many shidduch threads before. I am a guy in my twenties and have had enough of going out with girls who dont seem to be getting dates. I understand shaddchanim work really hard and some girls do get many dates however I have already went out with a few girls who seem to be in a lot of pain as if shaddchanim arent doing their best.
Elmo, you have a lot to learn about life!!! When you go out with a girl the focus is meant to be will you and her be a compatible match. Not how many more guys has she dated before you.. I’ve been a shadchan for five years now and i know youll be surprised bh this one but the amount of no’s I get from the girls side is far more than the guy’s there are a lot of quality good girls out there who have gone or are in college and have everything going for them but will not get dates because the guys that are religiously compatible are not nessarily as educated and worldly as the girls..October 30, 2012 12:25 pm at 12:25 pm #947603
OK, so here is the funny thing.
OP miswrote what he meant. He meant to say that it bothered him that girls don’t get dates, and he knows that is so because the girls he dates don’t often get dates, and he is fed up with that. He wrote it badly because facially it looks like he is fed up with the fact that he has to date them–not with that they don’t get dates.
Popa decided to be funny, and pretend he understood OP the way it appeared written. Then, that framed the thread because if you read OP and then Popa, it was natural you would not reinterpret OP as you probably would have without Popa.
Popa still thinks it is funny. And will still think so later also. You may check back if you are unsure.October 30, 2012 2:49 pm at 2:49 pm #947604
more_2, you have a lot to learn about life!!! When you redt a shidduch the focus is meant to be will they be a compatible match. Not how many no’s she gives.
That is how your statement sounds. Just because one has priorities, that doesn’t mean he/she can’t be concerned about other issuesOctober 30, 2012 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #947605
Elmos world – I read your post 4 times and I am still saying WHAT?!?
Girls who have many dates and girls who don’t have many dates. That doesn’t seem to say much about a girl. (unless you call being rich something) It simply says they have different nisyonos. One has the nisayon of emunah to know that even though she isn’t going out often, her bashert is waiting for her. The other girl has the nisayon of being disappointed every times she goes out.
Personally I would rather have the nisayon of emunah over the nisayon of being disappointed. We dont, however, get to chose.
What does that mean that you had enough of going out with girls who can’t seem to get dates. Every girl is an individual. Each with her own set of middos, talents, and difficulties. Who cares how many times she has gone out.
If you can explain this to me, I would appreciate it.
ThanksOctober 30, 2012 6:58 pm at 6:58 pm #947606
“Personally I would rather have the nisayon of emunah over the nisayon of being disappointed.”
I am not quite sure you realize how condescending this sounds. It would be like a rich person telling a poor man that he would rather have the nisayon of having no money than worrying about what to do with his money.
His point is very simple; He is bothered that there are many bnos yisroel who aren’t even having the chance to meet suitors.October 30, 2012 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #947607
I wasn’t trying to be condescending. I am not talking about THOSE girls who can’t get dates. Personally I have been in shidduchim for 5 years and only dated 2 guys. I wasn’t going to talk about myself but I want you to see that I am not taking these girl’s nisyonos lightly because I am one of them.October 30, 2012 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #947608147Participant
If the girl is not receiving that many dates, there is more chance that she will appreciate you & wish to marry you, than a girl who has already got her eyes on the next guy lined up for her.
Furthermore, both a girl & a boy, at the end of the day, only need 1 Shidduch:- Period!!
As for the overworked Shadchonim:- So go on a Jewish Dating website, & do your own research & Hishtadlus. These websites are doing a very wonderful service to the Jewish Community, and B’H producing many wonderful & Happy marriages including “& they lived happily ever after” scenarios.
& BTW, nowadays, more & more Shadchonim are also keeping their records on the computer & also networking on websites with other Shadchonim, so what is the difference if you would do the networking instead of the already overworked Shadchan?October 30, 2012 10:04 pm at 10:04 pm #947609
I’m sorry.October 31, 2012 1:21 am at 1:21 am #947610
Apology accepted. Don’t be so quick to judge.October 31, 2012 4:17 am at 4:17 am #947611
@ postsemgirl … maybe u are being read to the wrong guys .. how would u describe yourself and what u are looking for in a husband?October 31, 2012 5:04 am at 5:04 am #947612
hockey fan – Thank you, I appreciate it. But I don’t really want to discuss that on a public forum.October 31, 2012 5:32 am at 5:32 am #947613
@postsemgirl.. if u would want to discuss it .. would u let a mod give u my email ?October 31, 2012 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm #947614
seriously?October 31, 2012 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #947615
And yet another good reason for the CR policy of not facilitating email exchanges.October 31, 2012 3:28 pm at 3:28 pm #947616
pba.. what are trying to sayOctober 31, 2012 6:25 pm at 6:25 pm #947617
Hockey – Again, thank you but I’m gonna have to say no.October 31, 2012 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm #947618OneOfManyParticipant
Whoa, Nelly…October 31, 2012 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #947619Rav TuvParticipant
syag lchochma u seem like such a rebbitzen even if your a man…hav u ever considered being a rebbe/rebbitzen? I think u should consider…it seems u want that…
Wow syag, you totally fooled me!October 31, 2012 10:43 pm at 10:43 pm #947620
You are hysterical – thanks for the laugh!
Actually, he had me fooled for a minute there too, do you think I should tell the kids?November 1, 2012 12:13 am at 12:13 am #947621interjectionParticipant
“Personally I would rather have the nisayon of emunah over the nisayon of being disappointed.”
Having Emunah makes everything tolerable. I understand that when a person is in pain it is easier to blame it on the environment than to accept that it is a decree from G-d.
The worst feeling in the world is the feeling that G-d is not in control of the world. But even if things work out the way we want them to, that even good can happen coincidentally without G-d’s decree? I think that thought is terrifying.
Stay strong and daven that this process build your emunah instead of chas veshalom cause you to resent believing.
Beezrat Hashem both you and your zivug should be ready for each other very, very soon and Hashem should help you find each other and you should understand why you had to go through this struggle. And you should see Hashem’s expertise in every step of the process.February 21, 2013 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #947622
None of you checked back, but Popa still thinks it is funny.February 21, 2013 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #947623Torah613TorahParticipant
Elmos world, it’s one thing to set up a shidduch, that’s easy. People can increase the quantity of the shidduchim they set up. But if they are of poor quality, there is no point and the girl ends up wasting a lot of time.
OTOH, if you want to accept the axiom that “10% of everything is quality”, you can argue that by increasing the quantity, the quality also increases as a percentage.
Popa – your cleverness is noted.April 22, 2013 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm #947624
well its time to post that im off the market.. proposed on fridayApril 22, 2013 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #947625Phil99Member
Mazel Tov!!!!April 22, 2013 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #947626
Mazel Tov!April 22, 2013 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm #947627
excellent thread. thanks for choosing this one for your bump. (mazel tov, may you grow old together)
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