hishtadlus with shidduchim

I feel for your pain and hardship – but all I can offer to do is to Daven for you and your happiness. I was told by my Rebbi that the Chazon Ish said that one who Daven’s for someone else’s need, accomplishes more than the physical Hishtadlus one does. HaGaon HaRav Chaim Stein, Shlita, publicly implored people to Daven for Shidduchim of the “Techter” (sisters) who are having trouble finding a Shidduch. I would be very happy to do this for you.

Your screen name is “burnt out” – is that how you feel as a result of your Shidduch efforts? Can you elaborate? – I want to try to put myself in your position and to feel a small degree of your pain and from this mindset, to Daven for you and others in your similar situation. I remember the sadness I felt as young single sitting at a Seder table on Pesach while others my age were with their spouse. I imagine that you are having similar feelings.

May Hashem bless you with the happiness of finding your Bashert in a speedy and pleasant fashion, at a time of much Mazel.

I would give my two cents here but until certain things are taken care of I can’t except to assure you that I can empathize with the shidduchim pangs and daven that you find the person best for the both of you.

😀 Zuberman! 😀

Ah, please. Dont b burnt out. Who needs a guy? Ull b married sooner than u think and in 5 months ull b crying cuz he cracked an egg in the back of ur fridge and “forgot” about it. Have fun, stop worrying.

if you have married friends, periodically call them and remind them what you’re looking for – maybe their husband knows someone. have a clear descripotion in your head of what you’re looking for and tell it to people. the person who made my shidduch was from completely different circles than i am, but when she asked what i was looking for, i told her exactly what. she said i know the guy for you. i, of course, didn’t believe her. but, through some strange circumstances, she did know him and described for the first time in about 10 years exactly what i was looking for. you never know who will be your shaliach. do whatever hishtadlus you could do; while at the same time davening from your heart and because you want to get married, and not from a place of burnt out, giving up or depression.

good luck.

my sister hadn’t dated anyone for a year when all of a sudden the right name came up and she married the guy. happens all the time. “yeshuos Hashem k’heref ayin.”

how about not getting a suggestion EVER???? help! 🙁 i feel like im forgotten in the world……what do i do to make it known that im “marketable?”

how old are you?

You say that you have been redt shidduchim but, “I said no cause they were totally not shayich.” Maybe you shouldn’t have said “no” so often. Sooner or later folks like shadchanim and other interested parties are going to get tired of hearing “no” and will move on to someone a bit more flexible. Listen, finding a life partner is not like shopping for a refrigerator. There is much more to finding a zivug than simply reading “Consumers Reports” and comparing features. IMO you cannot determine that a match is “not shayich” in less than two dates. As they say, “If you want to marry a prince, be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs.”

I wish lots of hatzlachah to all those in the “parsha”!! In the years to come iyh you will look back at this time of your life and think to yourself i should of taken so much more advantage of this stage! It’s a beautiful stage in life where your real self really comes out as your not under the “jurisdiction” of your school!!

All of you out there enjoy it and much hatzlachah!!

…Davening for all of you out there!!

I know a women who got married at the ripe old age of 25! She told me that those were the best years of her life but the only thing that dampened it was that she was so worried about who she would marry…. so lets try and enjoy this time even though it is very tough!

R Kaufman

“Maybe you shouldn’t have said “no” so often.”

Completely disagree. I was the girl who said ‘yes’ to every guy that said yes to me because ‘maybe it would go’ now that I’m dating for 6 years unless its what I want, I’m not saying yes.

The way the Yeshivish world dates drains you really quickly (not that I’ve only dated ‘Yeshivishly’…) so if you are confident in what you are looking for, as I am, there is no need to waste your time with anyone else.

Goq

LOL!

burnt out

I completely hear you, but at the end of the day you dont want to waste your time. Its really not about how many guys you date, its about the right guy. Now that I choose quality over quantity the dates are more spaced out, but thats ok, its not a reflection on you.

It’s true, the thing most former older singles regret once they are married, is the worrying, the fear, the unhappiness over the situation, because once you are used to those feelings they are hard to dispel when the situation changes.

As a b”H former older (like, close to 40 when I married) single, I wish that I could have had the strength to be happier during that time.

Most of all I wish I had listened to some shalom bayis and parenting classes! They are widely available, for example on, among others, Kol Haloshon and the Akeres HaBayis hotlines. Prepare yourselves, it will be worth it.

Hatzlacha rabbah, and we hope to hear besuros tovos bekarov!

I think it’s disgusting that people are suggesting she say yes to people that are, in her own words, “totally not shayich,” just so she stays on a shadchan’s radar.

I understand the point, but think about the completely innocent guys being forced to waste their time here…

HOLY COW! me too. ppl thought i would be married by 20 bec he’s the hottest catch. he has everything going for him. and believe it or not, i didn’t date in almost a year. i say NO to almost everyone…..

wow we sound alike.