Honoring One’s Mother by Proxy*

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  • #1386532
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    If someone’s mother took anything that happened to her sister (someone’s aunt) personally, does someone have to honor his aunt like he honors his mother?

    *Please correct me if there is a clearer or more accurate way to convey this association of possibly needing to honor one’s relative (aunt, in this case) as if she was one’s mother, because not doing so would leave ones mother feeling dishonored (and disrespected).

    Thank you โ˜บ

    #1386697
    Joseph
    Participant

    One must obey their mother.

    #1387420
    Lightbrite
    Participant

    Honor, not obey.

    And what about one’s aunt?

    #1387448
    WinnieThePooh
    Participant

    Kabed es Avicha Ves Imecha
    “es” expands the concept to include more- Chazal teach us it includes a parent’s spouse (i.e. step parent) and older siblings. I don’t know any source that says that it includes other relatives. Respecting an aunt would be like any other older person who deserves respect, especially if elderly. Honoring mother would trump honoring your aunt, unless it means doing something against halacha.

    #1387464
    adocs
    Participant

    Joseph-

    Under all circumstances? without exception?

    #1387474
    Joseph
    Participant

    So long as she isn’t instructing you to do something that is kneged halacha.

    The one exception in halacha cited in Shulchan Aruch is a wife is required to obey her husband before her parents, hence on that basis a married woman is exempt from Kibud Av V’Eim unless her husband wants her to obey them.

    #1387528

    “The one exception in halacha cited in Shulchan Aruch is a wife is required to obey her husband before her parents, hence on that basis a married woman is exempt from Kibud Av Vโ€™Eim unless her husband wants her to obey them.”

    Oh so true Joseph! Thank Gd I am married to a wonderful man who allows me to call my parents on their birthdays every year and honor them by cashing checks they send.

    ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

    #1387527
    adocs
    Participant

    The one exception? You yourself just mentioned 2.

    1. If one is told to do something against Halacha.

    2. That a married womanโ€™s priority is to her husband.

    And the married woman is not โ€œexemptโ€ from kibud ab vโ€™eim. Itโ€™s only that her first priority is to her husband.

    I was not asking out of ignorance. Only to point out that your absolute statement as stated, was incorrect. As they often are.

    #1387534
    Joseph
    Participant

    adocs: This is the text from the Shulchan Aruch:

    Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 240:17): Both men and women are equal in being required to honor and fear their parents. However, the woman does not have the ability to fulfill this Mitzvah because she is subservient to her husband. Therefore, she is exempt from the Mitzvah of honoring her father and mother while she is married. If she gets divorced or widowed she is obligated.

    The Shach adds: It would seem that she is obligated if the husband is not makpid.

    Syag: Your above sarcasm seem to be derisive of what the Halacha states.

    #1387538
    Joseph
    Participant

    adocs: Aside from being wrong as S”A exactly says that they are โ€œexemptโ€, your inane contention is as if someone told you that “You must eat kosher” and you responded “Under all circumstances? Without exception? I’m pointing out that your absolute statement as stated, was incorrect since you can eat treif for a pikuach nefesh situation.” When I told you “One must obey their mother”, that is the rule in Halacha.

    Syag: Please also tell him that the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 13:11) paskens that he should permit you to go out once or twice a month to visit your parents and/or friends, not just call them.

    ืžืงื•ื ืฉื“ืจื›ืŸ ืฉืœื ืชืฆื ืืฉื” ืœืฉื•ืง ื‘ื›ืคื” ืฉืขืœ ืจืืฉื” ื‘ืœื‘ื“ ืขื“ ืฉื™ื”ื™ื” ืขืœื™ื” ืจื“ื™ื“ ื”ื—ื•ืคื” ืืช ื›ืœ ื’ื•ืคื” ื›ืžื• ื˜ืœื™ืช ื ื•ืชืŸ ืœื” ื‘ื›ืœืœ ื”ื›ืกื•ืช ืจื“ื™ื“ ื”ืคื—ื•ืช ืžื›ืœ ื”ืจื“ื™ื“ื™ืŸ. ื•ืื ื”ื™ื” ืขืฉื™ืจ ื ื•ืชืŸ ืœื” ืœืคื™ ืขืฉืจื• ื›ื“ื™ ืฉืชืฆื ื‘ื• ืœื‘ื™ืช ืื‘ื™ื” ืื• ืœื‘ื™ืช ื”ืื‘ืœ ืื• ืœื‘ื™ืช ื”ืžืฉืชื”. ืœืคื™ ืฉื›ืœ ืืฉื” ื™ืฉ ืœื” ืœืฆืืช ื•ืœื™ืœืš ืœื‘ื™ืช ืื‘ื™ื” ืœื‘ืงืจื• ื•ืœื‘ื™ืช ื”ืื‘ืœ ื•ืœื‘ื™ืช ื”ืžืฉืชื” ืœื’ืžื•ืœ ื—ืกื“ ืœืจืขื•ืชื™ื” ืื• ืœืงืจื•ื‘ื•ืชื™ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืฉื™ื‘ื•ืื• ื”ื ืœื”. ืฉืื™ื ื” ื‘ื‘ื™ืช ื”ืกื•ื”ืจ ืขื“ ืฉืœื ืชืฆื ื•ืœื ืชื‘ื•ื. ืื‘ืœ ื’ื ืื™ ื”ื•ื ืœืืฉื” ืฉืชื”ื™ื” ื™ื•ืฆืื” ืชืžื™ื“ ืคืขื ื‘ื—ื•ืฅ ืคืขื ื‘ืจื—ื•ื‘ื•ืช. ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื‘ืขืœ ืœืžื ื•ืข ืืฉืชื• ืžื–ื” ื•ืœื ื™ื ื™ื—ื ื” ืœืฆืืช ืืœื ืคืขื ืื—ืช ื‘ื—ื•ื“ืฉ ืื• ื›ืžื” ืคืขืžื™ื ื‘ื—ื•ื“ืฉ ืœืคื™ ื”ืฆื•ืจืš. ืฉืื™ืŸ ื™ื•ืคื™ ืœืืฉื” ืืœื ืœื™ืฉื‘ ื‘ื–ื•ื™ืช ื‘ื™ืชื” ืฉื›ืš ื›ืชื•ื‘ ื›ืœ ื›ื‘ื•ื“ื” ื‘ืช ืžืœืš ืคื ื™ืžื”:

    #1387545

    “Syag: Your above sarcasm seem to be derisive of what the Halacha states.”

    out of context, perhaps. but I would bet that most here will understand it as the response to your interpretation/presentation/attitude toward the mitzvah that it was.

    #1387546

    “Syag: Please also tell him that the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 13:11) paskens that he should permit you to go out once or twice a month to visit your parents and/or friends, not just call them.”

    oh thanks soo much! I will let him know. unfortunately, right now I am homebound, recovering from a complication of the minor surgery to have the gps chip and body cam inserted in my forehead. But I will surely let him know because they happened to be residing just outside of har nof, har menuchos to be exact, and I would love to pay them a visit.

    #1387556
    Joseph
    Participant

    You mentioned that he allows you to call them on their birthdays and cash the checks they send. Did you install a phone and mailbox in har menuchos?

    #1387555
    adocs
    Participant

    Joseph-

    Really? Thatโ€™s the best you can come up with? Kosher?

    Well, letโ€™s see…

    Kosher must be kept EXCEPT under the most dire of circumstances i.e. pikuach nefesh.

    Kibbud av vโ€™eim must be kept EXCEPT for fairly common circumstances i.e. married womanโ€™s priority to her husband.

    So the statement โ€œYou must keep kosherโ€ makes sense as a standalone statement because the exceptions are pretty rare. (As would โ€œyou must keep shabbosโ€ or โ€œyou may not eat chametzโ€ – also with rare exception)

    Whereas โ€œyou must honor your parentsโ€ has fairly common exceptions so the statement as a standalone is more glaringly misleading.

    Talk about inane contentions…

    #1387576
    Joseph
    Participant

    Again, not just “priority” but rather she’s completely exempt from Kibud Av V’Eim unless her husband elects to release her from her exemption. Azoi zugt der Mechaber.

    #1387644
    Joseph
    Participant

    It’s an amazingly strong point from the Torah about how important a wife’s obligations to her husband is that it even is stronger than her obligations to her parents. So much so that the Torah overrides her obligations of Kibud Av V’Eim in order to put her husband first. This is even though Kibud Av V’Eim is not only a d’oraisa but it is one of the Aseres Hadibros. Nevertheless she is exempt from it.

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