How are single girls supposed to be mekayem the Mitzvah of Simcha on Chol HaMoed

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  • #618535

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “There is a mitzvah of simcha on Chol Hamoed, as on Yom Tov. Therefore, men should eat meat or drink wine, children should be given treats, and husbands should gladden their wives with gifts of new clothing or jewelry (Kitzur Halachos: Yom Tov & Chol Hamoed by Rav Zev Hofstedter)”

    So what is a single girl who doesn’t have anyone buying her clothes or jewelry supposed to do?? (It’s a good thing that I like meat and wine!).

    #1187873

    thebabbler
    Member

    1. Treat yourself to stuff!

    2. Try to be misameach someone in an even lonelier matzav.

    3. Do all the things that bring YOU kosher simcha!!!

    4. Call someone funny, who always makes you laugh:)

    5. Ask Hashem to “notice” your valiant efforts to be b’simcha and help you maintain it, and that the next yom tov should be with family: your OWN!

    #1187874

    theprof1
    Participant

    So eat meat and drink wine. Or go to Century 21 and buy yourself stuff. I’m a man and buying stuff always makes one happy.

    #1187875

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    The Babbler – thanks for the ideas! Actually, I was hoping someone would offer to buy me jewelry or clothes :). According to Halacha that’s where my Simchas Chol Hamoed is supposed to come from!

    Babbler, does buying myself a Sefer count? (I bought the above-mentioned Sefer before Sukkos in order to read it on Sukkos) I think I get more hanaah from sefarim than I do from jewelry or clothes.

    #1187876

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Theprof1 – but according to halacha, someone ELSE is supposed to buy it FOR me, and no one has done that :(.

    anyhow, it’s assur to go shopping on Chol Hamoed.

    #1187877

    thebabbler
    Member

    Lilmod, I bought me and my kids some great Jewish books to read over yom tov, def enhanced yom tov:) I reread “Galia”, which really makes one a better Jew!

    #1187878

    writersoul
    Member

    Maybe, as you’re still the child of your parents, one of them should buy you candy? 🙂

    #1187879

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    You can buy things on sale. Anyway try learning a sefer with friends, or going out to do something with them.

    #1187880

    takahmamash
    Participant

    anyhow, it’s assur to go shopping on Chol Hamoed.

    It’s assur to make general, blanket, statements that may or may not apply to people reading the CR.

    Two of my daughters work in retail in Yerushalayim, and I guarantee you, they have plenty of business from all sorts of customers over chol hamoed, including chareidim. If shopping is assur, perhaps someone forgot to tell them.

    #1187881

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Shopping – but someone ELSE is supposed to buy it FOR me. The halacha is that someone is supposed to buy it FOR you. I’m still waiting for someone to offer to do so…

    #1187882

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “anyhow, it’s assur to go shopping on Chol Hamoed.

    It’s assur to make general, blanket, statements that may or may not apply to people reading the CR.”

    Not if it’s clear that it’s meant as a general statement which I thought was clear from the context of the conversation. It was not said in the context of a halachic discussion but rather as a side point in a not particularly serious discussion.

    Regarding halacha, the Halacha is in fact that one is not allowed to go clothes shopping. There can however by exceptions, so in specific situations, a sheilah should be asked. Perhaps all of the customers had a reason why it was muttar in their case.

    I’m just wondering – would you find it problematic for someone to say that it is assur to drive on Shabbos even though there are situations in which it is muttar?

    By the way, I do appreciate your sensitivity to phrasing things appropriately. I’m just not sure that it is relevant in this case. However, in case you are right, I will rephrase my statement:

    In general, it is forbidden to go shopping on Chol Hamoed, although there are exceptions. And if someone wants to help me be mekayem the Mitzvah of simcha on Chol Hamoed by buying something for me, I am sure I can help them to find a heter 🙂

    #1187883

    Abba_S
    Participant

    The father or the husband is suppose to provide Simchas HaChagfor his duaghter or wife. A stranger should not be providing these delicacies as it can be misinterpreted as Kiddushin money if the female is unmarried.

    #1187884

    yehudayona
    Participant

    Swap gifts with another single female.

    #1187885

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Don’t rely on anyone else to provide your happiness and joy of life.

    #1187886

    I. M. Shluffin
    Participant

    Nice one, Goq.

    The Gra says that one of the most difficult mitzvos to fulfill is that of v’samachta b’chagecha. It’s not as easy as buying a new top. Hashem gave each of us the means to find true happiness within ourselves. That’s why it’s so difficult – because it’s inside of us, and we need to bring it out by arousing our neshamos through tefillah or talmud torah or hisbodedus, thinking of the beauty in creation or the incomprehensible wisdom of Hashem visible throughout everything in the world. Perhaps the above-mentioned halachos are meant as an aid for people unable to extract such simcha without external help. Just a thought.

    Be happy!

    #1187887

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Money is hard these days and it’s hard to find stuff you like. If chol hamoed is when you finally get paid/money/coupons from chesed organazations that you did not have time to use before chag and things are on sale (pre-winter/and want buisness on chol hamoed) there’s no wonder why chareidi people do go shopping on chol hamoed.

    #1187888

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    People, it was a joke!!! (I know I don’t do that very often, but it happens occasionally)

    #1187889

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Shopping – If there is a sale, that is one reason why it can be muttar to go shopping on Chole Hamoed.

    #1187890

    Softwords
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid – if we think about it a little deeper we’ll understand that the halacha is explaining what materialistic items bring people simcha. For Men – good food. For Kids – Candies and treats. For Women – dresses and jewelry. It shouldn’t be understood that women must receive clothing from men (and if not they won’t be happy), rather it is stating that men MUST buy their wives presents for the Chag even if financially tight. Of course, if a woman is not married and independent she should buy herself a nice dress or jewelry for the Chag (even if she’s trying to save money). Hopefully, girls in such situation should be zoche to get married soon and have the extra joy of receiving a present from their husbands.

    #1187891

    thebabbler
    Member

    halacha question: may someone buy a new outfit for second days of yom tov if they really need and was no time before yom tov?

    #1187892

    thebabbler
    Member

    never mind, I forgot: clothes cost money. Ha ha 🙂

    #1187893

    Abba_S
    Participant

    Yes you can buy a new outfit and likewise you can wash clothing on Chol Ha Moed if you need it for the last days.

    #1187895

    thebabbler
    Member

    ty

    #1187896

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Guys, guess what? You will not believe what happened to me tonight!!! As I was leaving the Kosel area, I handed 5 shekelim to a lady who was collecting money and continued on my way. All of a sudden she calls me back and guess what she handed me – a bracelet!!! I was so excited! I told her that she made my YomTov because according to halacha someone is supposed to give me jewelry and I had been waiting all Yom Tov for someone to give me jewelry!(and no, that’s not what I davened at the Kosel for) I don’t think she understood a word I said, but she “chapped” that I was very appreciative (for the idea that is, not the bracelet itself – the bracelet itself is probably either going to my 5 year old niece or the garbage).

    Anyhow, wasn’t that incredible?? “Ratzon Yeraiav yaaseh” (not that I’m a yerayav, but whatever..) Maybe I should have started a thread about how I can’t celebrate Yomtov without a husband..

    #1187897

    Little Froggie
    Participant

    What’s the great idea of someone buying you something? Is that all what simchas Yom Tov is about? You can’t just get it yourself? You need a husband just so that “someone” is going to buy you something? I’m missing some here.

    #1187898

    thebabbler
    Member

    lilmod, that is a true sign that Hashem loves you and understands every individual persons needs !!! Wow!!!!!

    #1187899

    thebabbler
    Member

    I like your last line!

    #1187900

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Thebabbler: “lilmod, that is a true sign that Hashem loves you and understands every individual persons needs !!! Wow!!!!!”

    🙂 Thanks babbler!

    #1187901

    Avi K
    Participant

    Lilmod, she can by it herself and rely on Rambam’s opinion (http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14276&st=&pgnum=265) that she has her own obligation of simcha. The Shaagat Arieh, in teshuva 65 (http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=1832&st=&pgnum=119), says that anything that gladdens a person is part of the mitzva (he also rules that a woman has her own mitzva).

    #1187902

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    LF- yeah, you are missing the point. sorry. You probably have to be female to understand.

    #1187903

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Little Froggie and anyone else who may have misuderstood me – I just want to make it clear that I did at all mean to imply chas v’shalom that I want a husband in order to buy me things!!!! That was not my point at all, and I hope no one took it that way! I am not materialistic at all and would never think of such a thing!!!

    I do hope that when I have a husband IYH, he will occasionally buy things for me, not because of the value of the gifts (which could be a keychain or chocolate) but only because of the value of the giver.

    #1187904

    lilmod ulelamaid- I would like to thank you for posting this question…it is the foundation for a great deal of Torah learning, for both myself and my congregation. In fact, the sermon and shiur on Shmini Atzeres will be about the commandment to be joyful on holidays.

    We all know the words “V’Samachta B’Chagecha”…in fact, we turned them into a popular song that is known all “over the world (VSamachta B’chagecha v’hayisah ach samaeyach). However, that is not actually a verse in the Torah…it is really a blending of two different verses:

    “VESAMACHA BECHAGECHA ata u’vanecha u’vitcha v’avdicha v’amahsecha v’ha’Levi v’ha’ger v’ha’yasom v’ha’almanah asher b’shaarecha. Shivas Yammim Tachog L’Hashem Elokecha ba’makom asher yivchar Hashem ki yivarechicha Hashem Elokecha bechol tevuascha u’vechol maasey yadecha V’HAYISAH ACH SAMEYACH” (Devarim 16:14-16:15).

    On the surface, this seems to be a commandment to be happy on the holidays, including Chol HaMoed. However, if that was the Torah’s only intent, it could have simply said “V’samacha Bechagecha lifney Hashem Elokecha”, or words to that effect. IMO, the fact that it specifically mentions the Ger, the Widow, the Orphan, etc teaches us that true joy comes from being b’simcha with others; when we include others in our celebrations, we reach a high level of joy that gladdens us even if there are troubles in our lives (ach samayach- “nevertheless, be happy”). Helping someone else enjoy the holiday (ex. visiting the sick, giving tzedakah to help people buy meat for yom tov, etc) is a conduit to being able to experience true joy.

    You made someone else happy at the Kotel and Hashem blessed you with happiness as well. May He continue to bless you and bring you and happiness and may he fulfill the wishes of your heart for the good.

    #1187905

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Wow lilmod, Hashem must love you a lot!!! I’m so happy for you!!! Such Hashgata Pratis

    #1187906

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    AMEN!

    #1187907

    Hashemisreading
    Participant

    keychain?

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