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We sorely need more people to accomodate all the singles we have B”H. How do we get more people interested in doing this Mitzvah actively?
I’ll give you a suggestion, but many will jump all over me… pay even for unsuccessful shidduchim.
ooo DY thats a good one
A nicer title would definitely help.
DY:
you are 100% correct.
haven’t we discussed this before?
FYI- The newest community to launch the program we have discussed has had 20+ dates for slightly older girls set up in the last 2 weeks and 2 of them are already at date number 4.
simply put it works! and it keeps all the young people/start up shadchanm from qutiitng and thus we the potential of hundreds and hundreds more people reddig shidduchim … for the slighlty older girls!!!
here’s a email from a shadchan re: the program….
this idea is beyond words ..its truly incredible and i am gung ho non stop setting girls up .. the huge difference is its with complete simcha that i do it and it spills over in other areas of my life .. plus i am willing to do all the hand holding and guidance happily . a girl requested i go thru her closet to choose clothes for her dates . iam thrillled to do it !!! the spillover effect is enormous !!!!!
i seriously wake up excited each morning and feel my job is recognized and valuable.
I would pay for Shidduchim- even for unsuccessful ones
I am currently getting paid by the hour and am called regularly to see what new info/names/dates-that-said-yes I have gleaned.
This way,none of my work goes uncompensated,and it is michayev me to get down to business so I’m not a waste of money.
paying for achivable results works-plain and pashut…
shadchanim…………..
haven’t we discussed this before?
I don’t particularly remember discussing this before, but I’m not trying to take credit for the idea, which is definitely not a new one. I’m glad to see that it’s been implemented in some places.
OC:
feel free to be creative. i prefer to stick with that which has proven results… but any and all ideas that work
GO FOR IT….
People don’t redd becuase of money per date… the hundreds and hundreds who try their hand would stay with it.. if they were compensated and appreciated…
i keep trying to set up friends left and right. thats what friends are for. currently i have two friends going out with each other. as much as it is a tiring job im glad to be doing it! If I can even make one shidduch in my life I’d be happy as ever!
if they were compensated and appreciated…
There you go! If more appreciation (and consideration) were shown, I believe the shadchanim would be more motivated.
AZ and Daas Yochid, I think your right. People who get paid for their work, are certainly more motivated.
One issue I do take with you, AZ, is the exact amount. In other threads you felt that a date 2 should automatically get a certain amount. Sometimes people agree to a second date after a dismal first date, due to the excuses being offered.. If a person knows the second date will definitely cost them, they may hesitate and refuse to even try. I think if the second date turns out like the first, an acknowledgment of $20/30 dollars should suffice.
Otherwise, I do feel your number for a second date makes sense.
As a Shadchan that has made a few Shidduchim, I am not looking to get paid if I am not successful, what I am looking for is a “thank you” if it does not work, not complaints such as “How dare you set me up with such a Shidduch”, or “What were you thinking” + Menshlichkeit such as returning phone calls in a prompt manner.
emesvyatziv: Thank you for your work. Its inspiring to see the kindness and the l’shem shomayim in your efforts.
I do feel though, that if the parties had a responsibility to the shadchan, then they would be more courteous. It would serve as a reminder that the shadchan does not owe them anything.
Its very difficult and frustrating for people in shiddduchim. When they get their hopes up, emotions running.. and its a flop- a big flop- its very hurtful. So they let it out. If they had a responsibility, they may be more courteous. On the other hand, shadchanim (I don’t mean you), would work harder at suitable matches. Sometimes a shadchan just matches two names out of the phone book (or list book), without giving it the proper thought and effort.
As a Shadchan that has made a few Shidduchim, I am not looking to get paid if I am not successful, what I am looking for is a “thank you” if it does not work, not complaints such as “How dare you set me up with such a Shidduch”, or “What were you thinking” + Menshlichkeit such as returning phone calls in a prompt manner.
True, (and I made the same point earlier) but the money wouldn’t hurt either. 😉
If people would just give me a straight answer- yes or no- without requiring 87 phone calls back and forth to decide whether or not to go on a single date, maybe, just maybe, I would set people up more often.
TBT:
1. exact number$ aren’t set in stone-it’s the concept model i’m after.
2. the proper way for now is for communities/schools/shuls to do it. thus alleviating your concern of the cost being a reason not to pursue the shidduch further.
AZ: 1. Fair enough.
Can I ask something? What happened to the days when there were events at shuls or having mixed seating for singles at weddings? I know there will be people who may or may not agree with me but why can’t people meet in other ways aside for shadchanim? If there is such a crisis why not chnage things around a little?
yogibooboo: The percentage of singles amongst the communities that follow this very approach you’re suggesting is greater than amongst those that work through shadchanim.
Difficult enough that its taking a long time. Do you want to rob these singles of their kedusha and tznius as well?
TBT-how r u robbing them of their kedusha and tznius???
TBT: the answer for large communites……
CLASSMATES!!!!!
graduates of the year 2004 (for example) get together…. look out for your classmates…. if anyone (alumni or teacher) get a classmate to date #…..
it is pashut and effective…
one school already started and has seen a lot of new attention in the first three weeks…
yogibooboo: Thats a seperate issue.
the community that started this program less than 3 weeks ago has seen 21 new dates and 2 girls are already at date number 4…
AZ: Wow. I’m impressed at your work. Truly beautiful!
1. It’s not my work, i just report.
2. Communities fund themselves.
3. For classes, there is $$ avail to help a few of them get started providing they do all the work and run the program. It’s understandable that 24 year old girls aren’t going to raise money.
4. Once there are sufficient results, it will spread across the country like wildfire (it’s almost there already) and it will be a cinch to raise the money on the local level.
RESULTS TALK
consider this
First community- nine months
75 dates
23 dating seriously (past #4)
there are numerous engagements (closing in on 10) but i don’t count those as that’s not direct result of shadchanims efforts
cost of program……
12 thousand dollars…. over nine months
next community
2.5 weeks
22 dates
2 dating seriously (already)
2 more communities looking to adapt the program in the near future.
AZ, I’m a little confused about how this program works. How much are they paying and at what point?
OC: Then you are just not in the loop………
A23: each community school etc runs it their own way. The concept is people who set up slightly older girls get compensated for accomplishing just that.
some do #1- #4 some start at 21+ some have a diiferent range for 21-24 and 25+.
it requires someone in each locale to be on top and run the program.
if it is of sincere interest to you contact the NASI project and they will put you in touch with the communities that are doing it. ditto if you would like to bring it to your community.
the one thing they all share in common……
IT IS WORKING!!
Nope… it just hasn’t gone around the country – YET.
to be clear we don’t need new shadchanim… we need more people redding shidduchim to slightly older girls…. be them old shadchanim or new shadchanim…..
to add more shadchanim to do what was being done up until now would be akin to straigtening deck chairs on the titanic…
I’ve heard recently (just anecdoatally) that one very popular seminary class who came home this past june has only a handfull of engagments so far……
Gotta tell you i’m pretty happy about that… it means the guys are getting engaged to the girls who are back a bit longer….
that’s good news!!
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