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LB, you described your issues with 2 examples- being able to set limits with how much you give of yourself to people, and how much emphasis you should be placing on shidduchim as a priority. Neither of these examples have anything to do with chasidish vs litvish hashkafa. Nor did the Rebetzin’s answers. A Litvish mentor would have told you the same things.
What I think you are saying is that you might have certain insecurities, emotional handicaps, and that you find the emotional/spiritual approach of chabad can help you fill in what you are lacking. This is true for many people, which I think might explain the popularity in our generation of Breslov and Carlebach, and music in general, and the need for even LItvish people to get close to a Rav in a Rebbe-type of relationship.
Keep in mind (and maybe this does not apply to you and I am reading too much into your comments) that a Torah-true life, when done properly, should elevate a person and as a side-effect, make him feel emotionally complete, but taking on mitzvos and adapting a particular hashkafa is not meant to be done as therapy. Doing Mitzvos is about serving Hashem, doing what He wants, and being a true Eved Hashem brings happiness, but it is not meant to be first and foremost about pleasing ourselves.There are virtually no more misnagdim.
LB, I only have a second, but I want to say that it sounds like your rebbetzin is speaking common sense, not specifically chassidic (I’m sure there were other conversations you had that were more along those lines). Unfortunately when a BT listens to shiurim that are not suited for his/her level of observance, hashkafa,etc., they can become confused, depressed, stressed, turned off, etc., to Yiddishkeit. I honestly feel that you have to be careful what and where you are listening to the shiurim you do take the time to listen to. Ignoring your physical needs on the cheshbon of getting married in order to be “complete” or whatever terminology the lecturer used, does not make sense in your situation whatsoever, but really how could you expect the lecturer to know that. You have to know when you hear the first few minutes of a shiur whether it is on your level or not. I would start first with a cheshbon hanefesh (personal accounting) of what you are doing with your life and time, including your regular daily activities like work and also your activities related to Yiddishkeit, mitzvah observance and increasing your connection to HKB”H. You have to have confidence that you ARE doing the right thing by dealing with your work situation so that you can have enough money to buy food and live on before worrying about getting married. Also, the lecturer could not know that you are working on your ability to say “NO” to things that are not currently good for you to say yes to, so you have to work out a way to hear what the lecturer is saying that will give you strength to continue on that course (not that HKB”H wants you to turn 180 degrees around, to your detriment). With a good dose of self confidence, you will not constantly be doubting yourself and trying to reinterpret what you’re doing that is supposedly against what HKB”H wants from you now. Think about it. There is a lot of Torah out there, but it’s not for each person at all times.
Many Jews aren’t chassidim because they actually follow the mesorah they got from their parents. Chassidus was a radical change from the Jewish tradition, which was part of the reason why so many opposed it. Chassidus is not traditional Judaism – make sure you remember that!
There is no surer sign of lack of education, or immaturity, than someone who cannot understand why all people (or some subset of all people) are different than him or her. I have met Christians who are absolutely cannot comprehend that I, a Jew, do not celebrate Xmas. I have met secular Jews who are shocked that I go to shul on the second day of Rosh Hashanah. There are lots of reasons why people differ. I am shocked that you do not understand that.
DaMoshe: In that case they surely shouldn’t be MO, CJ or RJ.
MO is traditional Judaism in its purist form.
The Chazon Ish said after WW2 that a change was needed due to the large number of Rabbonim that were killed by the Nazis, and that was the start of the modern-day yeshiva/kollel system. MO kept the traditional path.Joseph,
What is CJ and RJ?
golfer,
Are you perhaps familiar with the term, “koshi ha’shibud”?
I’ve encountered the term, e.g., in Maoz Tzur on Chanuka, but I’m not sure what you mean in this context.
Today is the yarzheit of R’ Chaim of Volozhin, in effect the founder of the modern Litvish Yeshivah and the ancestor of the Soloveitchik family. Reb Chaim was the author of Nefesh HaChaim, a very mystical and kabbalistic sefer that quotes extensively from the Zohar and other kabbalistic sources that informed chassidus. Although his philosophy focuses more on Torah study, it also includes considerable material about kavanah in davening, meditating on Hashem’s oneness and the fact that “ein od milvado” (there is nothing but Hashem.) So he is an illustration of what I and others were saying — many of the same themes found in chassidus have long been found in non-Chassidic Orthodox Judaism (including Sephardic, I might add) for centuries.
Joseph,
What is CJ and RJ?
CJ = Conservative Judaism
RJ = Reform Judaism
Not all Jews put their focus on a rebbe.
Wow, this thread really exploded far beyond the original question.
LB: I have met a lot of people who seem to have the same question. I don’t think there’s any way to fully put yourself in the other sides shoes. Let me explain what I mean:
There are people (like myself) who are really into Gemarra and every possible situation in practical halachah that could, but probably never would arise. A lot of others consider this totally dry and are more into philosophical stuff like Chassidus. They don’t understand how a person could sit and learn “dry” technical stuff for more than a half hour without getting bored. People like myself don’t understand how the other side can listen to inspirational/philosophical stuff over and over without getting tired of it. It all starts to sound the same to me.For BT’s: People on the more philosophical side like I described (like you seem to be) tend to be drawn more towards Chassidus, while people into the technical would probably prefer the Litvish velt. As for FFB’s, they all just do what they were raised to do ideally.
Is the idea of someone being happy and loving Torah and mitzvos in a non-chassidic framework so foreign and alien to you that it is completely inconceivable?
Wolf, yes somewhat!
Well, then, I’m sorry that your existence is so sheltered and your experience is so limited that you cannot possibly imagine how someone could be happy if they don’t the same exact path that you do. I truly feel sorry for you.
The Wolf
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