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I posted a month or two ago about a unique situation. I had a fairly bad breakup with someone after jewelry was gifted. After the breakup, I used threats (legal and regulatory complaints, nothing physical) to get back possession of a tennis bracelet and some other stuff. I felt very guilty for how I acted and sent back the stuff aside from the tennis bracelet which I still have. Because I have a shidduch and am in the process of engagement, I would like to return the tennis bracelet along with some other possessions (a silver necklace and a book with engraving) to the girl along with a very sincere apology letter which I have spent a significant amount of time working on.
Where the situation gets awkward is that both the girl and I are involved in relationships with other people. On Erev Shabbos just prior to Tisha B’Av, my rav called me to inform me this girl called him accusing me of messaging her friends and saying horrible things about her and threatened to go to the police on me. I sent her a message on whatsapp explaining that I did not do anything and that we’ve hurt each other enough. I asked that for the sake of Eicha, she please leave me alone. Her response was to block me on whatsapp.
I still feel the need to make the apology (I can send the letter to anyone if they want to read it) and to return the bracelet. I have no use for it and I would feel horrible selling or giving it away. Despite the horrible breakup, I still feel that the gift should be returned to her because I used force to get it back.
I acted in a way that is very unlike myself mostly because I was hurt by the circumstances and was dealing with a lot of other things at the time. I plan on using a courier service to deliver the items to her – asking her to read the letter first before opening the other part of the package in order to avoid any misunderstand. Am I out of line here? I don’t want any type of contact with her but I feel that I need to make Teshuva and it’s not something I can do without a sincere apology and returning what I have in my possession to their owner.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You’re afraid she’ll think the items are being sent to her as a romantic gift?
Send the letter first through the mail or the Rav. Let her know the stuff is being sent and send it without a note.
Who broke it off? if she did she should have given it all back to you if you did she has a right to keep it. It is a very nice gesture to send it back but do not assume she will be mollified.
end the letter with saying please see my sincerity by the fact that i sent this package with lots of expensive gifts & forgive me in full with a true heart before opening up any packages
HATZLACHA
im guessing your point is to correct a wrong, not repair a relationship. if so, give the letter and things to the rabbi you mentioned above. whether or not she accepts them is not necessarily your issue. you are demonstrating sincere regret by giving the things up and that is your hishtadlus. if the rabbi is willing to be in between, there is less room for misunderstanding.
and then move on.
i dont think she wants a constant reminder of you just leave her alone and send a sincere apology through someone but not in a letter
Just don’t tell the current Meshudeches that she reminds you of the first, it that you went for anger management.
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