How do you redt a shidduch?

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  • January 17, 2011 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #594275
    memo
    Member

    What the normal procedure to redting a shidduch?

    January 17, 2011 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #729388
    Divorced_Guy
    Member

    1. Call the Boy or the Boy’s parents. Tell them about the girl. If they say yes you call the Girl or the Girl’s parents.

    2. If you are closer to the girl or believe the boy will definitely say yes, but that the girl might not want you might consider suggesting it to the girl first.

    3. The goal is to avoid making anyone feel bad and if someone has to feel bad it’s better if the guy feels bad.

    January 17, 2011 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #729389
    memo
    Member

    thanks….if I know the girl and I know someone who’s friends with the boy can I redt it directly to them? I know it’s not normally done…but it sounds like it would be easier to go through the girl and boy themselves…does that make sense?

    January 17, 2011 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #729390
    Bed-Stuy
    Participant

    The “normal procedure” (which is what you asked for) is to redt it to their parents.

    January 17, 2011 10:49 pm at 10:49 pm #729391
    Divorced_Guy
    Member

    Depends on how old they are and their community. Why don’t you just ask your friend to ask the boy whether it should go to him or the parents.

    January 17, 2011 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #729392
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Depending on who I know, I just approach that side and suggest the shidduch.

    January 17, 2011 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm #729393
    memo
    Member

    Since I have shiychus to both sides I think that the parents prob. would be ok with the shidduch…it’s a good idea…so just wanted to check if I don’t have to speak to them…

    also once people are ready to get married they should be able to be independent in terms that they obviously speak to their parents but I prob. could just ask them if they’re interested and then call their parents

    January 17, 2011 11:30 pm at 11:30 pm #729394
    Divorced_Guy
    Member

    Hatslocha!!! This is very exciting. I hope it works!! 🙂

    January 18, 2011 4:01 am at 4:01 am #729395
    yossi z.
    Member

    I was told that the proper way to do things is go through the parents and only go through the kids if the parents are being obstacles or if the kids are entirely independent (and even then people go through the parents) them again it depends on your circles

    January 18, 2011 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #729396
    Professional
    Member

    From upper 20s, for sure 30 and up, better to go directly to candidates. Parents would stop a lot of good suggestions, its the kids who know what they are interested in. Talk to them.

    You want a story about a mother who stops every suggestion for her talented son, who is over 30?

    The Tachsit is still home…, and I wouldnt think its his fault. (after suggesting some candidates to the mother )

    January 18, 2011 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #729397
    mewho
    Participant

    i agree with professional. from 25+ it should go direct to the guy or girl.

    if they still need mommy to ask questions for them , then that in itself is a problem.

    January 18, 2011 9:11 pm at 9:11 pm #729398
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I say from 20+ it goes to both the parties and he parents.

    From 25+ it is breach of confidence to tell the parents unless the parties allow it.

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