How does the first date work?
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- This topic has 18 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by Meno.
March 13, 2018 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #148896918MinuteMatzahParticipant
Hi members of Coffee Room,
I am scheduled for my first date and I’m not sure what to expect. I’m from a yeshivish(-ish) background and I’ve never really spoken to men before. What do I talk about? What do I not talk about? What do I do/not do? What’s the protocol for these types of things?
18MinuteMatzahMarch 13, 2018 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #1488989☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Ask him if he smokes. If he says yes, ask him what he smokes.March 13, 2018 10:33 pm at 10:33 pm #1488991
Is this conversation in the Coffee Room the first time you’ve conversed with non-family men?March 13, 2018 10:51 pm at 10:51 pm #1488998
Ask him if he’s a member of the coffee room. That’s a good conversation starter.March 13, 2018 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #1489005
Meno, if it’s me I always identify myself to her at the outset.March 14, 2018 9:10 am at 9:10 am #1489086
Ask him about the weather. Especially if he’s very tall. Tall guys love it when you ask them about the weather.March 14, 2018 11:15 am at 11:15 am #1489220iacisrmmaParticipant
Let the other person start the conversation. Then just respond accordingly.March 14, 2018 11:36 am at 11:36 am #1489246
iac, what if the other person follows the same advice you just offered?March 14, 2018 11:42 am at 11:42 am #1489262GadolhadorahParticipant
All the sarcasm of the prior postings aside, just be yourself and talk with him about the issues that excite you, about recent places you’ve been to, about a person you’ve recently met who you found especially interesting, about your plans for continuing your education (if that is part of your gameplan). Remember that he is probably as anxious as you are about “discussion topics” so approach it as an equal and forego all the “dos” and “don’ts” you’ve been given by well-meaning friends.March 14, 2018 11:43 am at 11:43 am #1489265
iac, what if the other person follows the same advice you just offered?
Just another reason to ask if he’s a Coffee Room member.March 14, 2018 11:43 am at 11:43 am #1489270LAmotherParticipant
U guys are a riot. Thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning in l.a.
18 minute matza, enjoy ur date !March 14, 2018 11:44 am at 11:44 am #1489275
18MinuteMatzah, What you’ve read so far is typical man to man banter. If he talks to you like that, walk away.
Seriously, you won’t find what you’re looking for hear. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your LOR (Local Orthodox Rebbetzin) to set up on the path.
Wishing you all the best, and you should find your basherte quickly and easily.March 14, 2018 11:52 am at 11:52 am #1489280
What you’ve read so far is typical man to man banter. If he talks to you like that, walk away.
Some guys have never talked to a girl other than a family member, so all they know is “man to man banter”. Is that a reason to walk out on a date?March 14, 2018 12:44 pm at 12:44 pm #1489337
Meno, Oh. Maybe not. But you would expect some respect. Especially if are supposedly expecting to meet someone seriously, not just for a night out.March 14, 2018 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #1489465
Geordie, do you believe that yiddishe man to man banter is disrespectful? In either event, walking away (as you suggested) is certainly not respectful.March 14, 2018 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #1490631Takes2-2tangoParticipant
Ask which meds hes on. Ask him if hes pro or anti vaxx. Ask him what his likings are besides going into chinuch and knowing all co names of the best tasting burbons.
Ask him if his great grand ma had 3 sinks in her kitchen?March 14, 2018 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #1490625
This may have got lost in translation between EN-US and EN-UK. It is certainly disrespectful in a shidduch context. You’re not going out to meet your mates. When I say walk away, I don’t mean literally. I don’t know if Americans have the expression, but to walk away from a deal, means to decline or not complete it. So, she should end the date as soon as she can, and not go further.March 15, 2018 7:58 am at 7:58 am #1490707Takes2-2tangoParticipant
Ask him what it says in a kesuba and ask him why charedi yeshivas dont learn tanach like like learn chumash or gemarah.March 19, 2018 12:39 pm at 12:39 pm #1493971
So nu? How did it go?
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