How early is too early?

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  • #614604
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    You want the kids to marry earlier…

    But how early is too early?

    For girls, is 15 an okay to marry?

    And boys at 17?

    This is what the chassidim do, why can’t we do the same?

    Opinions?

    #1051393
    Joseph
    Participant

    Chazal have a pretty clear opinion on this question. Why not take their advice?

    In New York State it is legal to get married beginning at age 14.

    #1051394
    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    I might be wrong about this, but I don’t think chassidish girls marry at 15.

    #1051395
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It depends on individual maturity.

    #1051396
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    You’re either a kid or a pedophile.

    If you’re a kid: you’re too young to get married.

    If you’re a pedophile…

    #1051397
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I know someone that married at 13.

    15 is pretty normal…I know of many people who have done that

    #1051398
    picturesq
    Member

    Shopping613, is it usually the wife that’s 15 or both the husband and wife that’s 15? (I assume the 13 year old was the wife.)

    #1051399
    barlev
    Participant

    Rabbi Shick of breslav in the north of Israel recommends his followers to marry very young, 15 or 16

    In Yemen this too was the custom, and when they emigrated to the UK or Israel we used to see young men of 17 walking around with 2!!!!!!! Wifes

    #1051400
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Not everyone is even physically mature at 15.

    #1051401
    barlev
    Participant

    I am told that because of our diets we mature early these days

    Soya for example has hormones that cause early maturity

    #1051402
    Joseph
    Participant

    I am told that because of our diets we mature early these days

    So should we start marrying earlier, say at 13, rather than at 15?

    #1051403
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    What’s wrong with 9 and 3?

    #1051404
    Wisey
    Participant

    Barlev: Some researchers suggests that it’s because of watching modern “untzniyustik” media that causes psychological, emotional and physical changes.

    #1051405
    Joseph
    Participant

    Wisey: So insular folks who are not subjected to the type of media or other exposure that you refer to, do not experience the same physical changes referred to?

    #1051406
    barlev
    Participant

    Lior, I wasn’t using that argument to suggest early marriage, just to refute Reb yid claim that at 15 some are still immature physically

    #1051407
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Most people are physically mature at 15. Most, but not all.

    #1051408
    BarryLS1
    Participant

    It’s the emotional maturity not physical maturity that is the issue.

    #1051409
    takahmamash
    Participant

    I would not have let my kids marry at 15 years of age no matter how mature they were.

    #1051410
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Physical maturity is also important.

    #1051411
    cv
    Participant

    “In New York State it is legal to get married beginning at age 14”

    **

    Is it legal to work at age 14 in New York State?

    *******

    *******

    “It depends on individual maturity”

    **

    If people can’t support themself, they are not mature to get married.

    #1051412
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    It is legal to work at 14, but not to leave school.

    #1051413
    picturesq
    Member

    Then I guess that in NYS, at 14 you can get married and work but you have to continue going to school.

    #1051414
    cv
    Participant

    Can you imagine 14 y.o girl, who going to school, working and, on a top of this, cooking, cleaning, making laundry…..

    I can’t see why she would like to be married at age 14…

    I can’t see why her parents would like her to be married at age 14….

    I don’t ask what kind of job she can do at age 14 and what she can make for a couple hours after school… it is very obvious

    #1051415
    Vogue
    Member

    So if you get married at age 14 you need your parents/ welfare to support you in order to allow you to finish hs. At that point, I suppose that if you are married, that going to public school according to Daas Torah is no longer an issue- as nobody can ever really afford the tuition to go to a day school at such a young age. Perhaps getting married at such a young age will interfere with the husband’s ability to learn. He will be unable to get semicha after hs because he will have to work… He will also have problems attending the rigorous schedule at his yeshiva.

    #1051416
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    But there are limitations on the working part. And I find it ridiculous that you are old enough to be married before you are old enough to purchase alcohol.

    #1051417
    Joseph
    Participant

    Do you think the minimal marital age ought to be 21 or do you think the age for alcohol should be 14?

    #1051418
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I think the age for alcohol should be 13. But nobody should drink alcohol until 18 or marriage.

    #1051419
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I like 10 year old alcohol, but 15 is even better, and 21 even better. Single malt, of course.

    #1051420
    Mammele
    Participant

    Shopping613: I quite frankly don’t believe you. At least not in the US. 13 & 15 are definitely not the norm to get married at in any Chasidish group here. If you’re discussing extreme cults like Helbrans (now in Guatemala) or maybe Yidden in Yemen (if there are any left there) that’s something else.

    And many Chasidim have long engagements, so if someone is engaged at 17 (which is young even by Chasidic standards, but possible) it’s very likely he or she will be 18+ at the wedding.

    #1051421
    Joseph
    Participant

    Mammele: I believe Shopping lives in Eretz Yisroel.

    #1051422
    Mammele
    Participant

    Even in EY I don’t think 15 is a common age to get married at. MAYBE 17.

    #1051423
    Wisey
    Participant

    You have to wait until 21 to do a lichayim. Might have a kid by then.

    Lior: I’m not holding in these inyonim but those researchers might not be aware of such communities.

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