March 12, 2023 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #2172938
I’m curious how much a shadchan would charge in the “in town” areas, including Lakewood, Monsey, etc. I know how much I paid 30+ years ago, but that was in Baltimore, so I doubt the rate I paid was anywhere close to NY/NJ.
No, I don’t need a shadchan for any particular service. I’m just curious.March 12, 2023 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #2172968
You only need to pay a Shadchan for a successfully made shidduch.March 12, 2023 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #2172970GadolhadorahParticipant
Equally interesting is whether shadchanim charge a fixed-rate for any assignment or do the charges depend on how “challenging” the client may be. Does age, family yichus, wealth, education, looks, etc. factor into how much is charged?March 12, 2023 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm #2172992Sam KleinParticipant
Hashem is the real Shadchan that is mezaveg every zivvug in the world 40 days before they are even born and making a shidduch as we know is a bigger miracle than krias yam suf.
But we all know the truth about the falsity of the entire world saying there’s a shidduch crisis cause the honest truth is :
THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES
Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.
Mrs. Seminary girl,/Mr. Learning/working boy Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?
Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.March 12, 2023 10:41 pm at 10:41 pm #2173032SQUARE_ROOTParticipant
In year 2008, The Jerusalem Post published an article by Chananya Weissman, in which he suggested that:
If Jewish singles are expected to make Shidduch Resumes that they give to shadchanim, then shadchanim should make Shadchan resumes, that they give to Jewish singles.
In year 2007, The Jewish Press published an article by Chananya Weissman, where he said:
“Strange as this may sound, the occasional success makes it easy for shadchanim with haphazard methods to pass themselves off as competent, for singles to continue putting their fragile hope and energy into something that depletes them of hope and energy, and for our inertia-laden society to delude itself into believing the system is working pretty well. (After all, it worked for so-and-so.) As a result, change continues to be slow and tentative while the ranks of suffering singles continue to grow.”
In year 2020, Emes Ve-Emunah published an article by Chananya Weissman, in which he criticized shadchanim for abandoning older singles and the poor.
In that article, he also criticized shadchanim for not knowing the people they match, and for not trying hard enough.
In year 2023, Chananya Weissman published an article on his web site, in which he pointed-out that shadchanim are one of the few professions that have no way of removing people who do not belong there.
In the same article, he also pointed-out that we sometimes reward failure by giving more money to shadchanim who do not succeed in getting Jews married; in any normal profession, people who do not succeed would be fired from their jobs, and thereby removed from a profession where they do not belong.
In year 2023, Chananya Weissman published an article on his web site titled:
“What Makes Someone a Good Shadchan?” Three quick quotes from that article:
 “It is not the place of a shadchan to admonish people to settle for something that they don’t want. There is a fine line between offering advice and trying to control people, and many shadchanim trample over that line like they own the place.”
 “A good shadchan offers encouragement. A bad shadchan offers despair.”
 “It’s common for a shadchan to place someone on the front burner when they first meet them, make a haphazard attempt or two to fix them up, and then give up on them when it doesn’t work out. They admonish singles to never give up, yet they give up if they don’t get satisfying results from their initial attempt.”March 12, 2023 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm #2173036
> Mrs. Seminary girl
not to detract from a good question, but her name is really Ms. Oxymoron.March 13, 2023 8:37 am at 8:37 am #2173060
Square: Whatever Mr. Weissman suggests, do the opposite.March 14, 2023 9:25 am at 9:25 am #2173463☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
He seems pretty bitter. NebachMarch 14, 2023 9:26 am at 9:26 am #2173465Shmiras HaloshonParticipant
In my circles, it’s 4500 shekels per side.March 14, 2023 9:31 am at 9:31 am #2173491hujuParticipant
How much you got?March 14, 2023 9:33 am at 9:33 am #2173495Shimon NodelParticipant
I met my wife on Jwed, so we didn’t need to pay a shadchan feeMarch 14, 2023 12:36 pm at 12:36 pm #2173565
Amazing – I posted what I thought was a pretty straightforward question about shadchan costs in the NY area, and I ended up with lectures about the shidduch crisis and shidduch resumes. The only person who actually answered (Shmiras Halashon) only gets half credit because he answered as an Israeli.March 14, 2023 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #2173745dullradianceParticipant
See sefer Taamie Haminhagim siman 938 (טעמי המנהגים סימן תתקלח). The commentary of Kuntrus Achron (קונטרס אחרון) has four seifim bringing down the various shadchanus fee in percentage of the nadin. It ranges from two to four percent of the nadin.
If there isn’t a nadin, there is also mention of a percentage reference to the amount the parents give to the children.
Short answer: last I heard, the fee was $2,500 divided as $1,250 from each side. Two years ago.March 17, 2023 1:36 am at 1:36 am #2174463☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
I heard it’s $1500 per side now.March 17, 2023 10:26 am at 10:26 am #2174524ubiquitinParticipant
It isnt nice to gather up every silly thing some fellow has written and post them all here to embarrass him.March 18, 2023 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #2174663
$1500 per side? That’s what I paid total.
I don’t know why I thought it was so much more expensive.
Shavua tov to all.March 18, 2023 11:38 pm at 11:38 pm #2174688
“That’s what I paid total.”
How long ago?March 19, 2023 11:33 am at 11:33 am #2174785
“That’s what I paid total.”
30+ years ago.March 19, 2023 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #2174897amiricanyeshivishParticipant
eggs tripled in price and a bus token is not the price it was when Zeidy was young.March 20, 2023 10:26 pm at 10:26 pm #2175243
practically speaking – you need to know the price. If you don’t agree on a price of a service, then you are supposed to pay a reasonable market price. Given that shadchanim often come en masse and people do not bother negotiate prices in advance (right?), then one needs to know going prices.
Incidentally, sephardim have a fixed price that did not change for centuries despite the inflation.March 21, 2023 12:37 am at 12:37 am #2175284
AAQ: The Sephardim still price shadchanus in the Spanish Lira or in the Ottoman Kuruş?March 23, 2023 10:36 am at 10:36 am #2176172
they charge 0 lira last time I asked. Not sure how much they’d charge an Ashkenazi or maybe they do not favor intermarriage.
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