November 10, 2013 3:48 am at 3:48 am #987998Anonymous1000Participant
mocheli – Maybe you could take over some of the responsibilities like doing the grocery shopping. Or you could ask your wife if she would be interested in talking to you about ways to save money and you could show her how ie which stores are cheaper etc.November 12, 2013 5:41 am at 5:41 am #988001yehudayonaParticipant
JF02, it makes perfect sense for a troll.November 12, 2013 12:40 pm at 12:40 pm #988002The little I knowParticipant
Who is this Ron Lieber, what qualifications does this person possess (academic degrees, research, and experience within the frum community), and what makes you think you can present an argument from the cursed NYT?
I have worked with virtually hundreds of couples, and have a great familiarity with the range of problems presenting. It is not arguable that money issues enter the picture. But the origins of the problems and the core issues are about control, etc. Finances is just one of the arenas where the games are played.
Let me throw another twist into this discussion. A great percentage of all cases appearing before a professional (therapist, counselor, coach, etc.) where a couple is struggling involve the goal of at least one party seeking to describe the other as abusive. The preponderance is that the wife tries to claim the husband is abusive, but the other direction is far from uncommon. One way in which this is described concretely is the control or denial of money. It is simply an easy way to portray the nature of the relationship. Ask any of the professionals who deal with couples whether the issues that are presented at the opening sessions are actually core issues or are just manifestations that are acted out frequently. I rest my case.November 13, 2013 3:01 am at 3:01 am #988003MurphysLawMember
Whatever you give her – it wont be enough…November 13, 2013 5:26 am at 5:26 am #988004☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Maybe she’s secretly using the money to subsidize cleaning help for an unfortunate newly married, expectant woman whose husband refuses to pay for s cleaning lady?November 13, 2013 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #988005miritchkaMember
This is ridiculous.
To the starter of this thread: If you are comfortable giving $700 a week to your wife and its working out, then why do you care what other people do?!
To those that are putting his wife down: Its none of your business what his wife uses the money for! His question was ‘how much do you give your wife per week for the family bugdet?’ Not ‘is it ok for my not working wife to have cleaning help’! And if he can afford to give $700 a week without her going to work, good for him! He didnt ask you what you thought about his wife not working! He knows his wife is irresponsible financialy, therefore needing a budget, and that his wife needs the cleaning help (whether its justified or not that she needs/wants cleaning help is not for us to decide), which is included in the budget!
By the way, I work 1 and 1/2 jobs, have no cleaning help and have a few young children. I may not agree with how much and what the wife uses the money for, but that wasnt his question and its none of my business.November 13, 2013 4:46 pm at 4:46 pm #988006☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
The question at the end of the OP was, “any thoughts?”, so all is fair game.November 13, 2013 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #988007garlicbreathParticipant
why dont you tax her on that $700 and instead of giving it by the week give her $0.69 a minute thats really smart I spoke to my psychiatrist about this.November 13, 2013 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #988008mochelliMember
I offered my wife control of the finances (even though she is not finacially savvy) becuase she constantly compalians that $700 is not enough. I know that after one month of dealing with the finances, she will go crazy and she will have a difficult time budgeting everything and she will definitely not be able to allocate $700 a week for her budget- I guarantee that. She would end up with much less that $700 a week. She would quickly hand back control of the finances and appreciate every dollar of that $700.November 13, 2013 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #988009mochelliMember
The little I know:
In my case, it’s not about control. It’s about making sure there is enough money to pay rent, tuition, electricity Etc. It’s a practical issue, not a psychlogical issue, with all due respect. I have the responisibility stretching the budget so that at the end of the year, maybe we will be able to send the kids to camp, Etc…
I never “denied” her money. When she wants to spend, she usually asks, but sometimes she just charges things as she sees fit and then I get stuck with the consequences, which is why I offered her 100% control, on the condition that she deals with all bills, tuitions, camps, Etc. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. For all the wives out there, especially the feminist ones, try to understand that it’s not easy to manage a household budget and it doesn’t help when you have a spouse that doesn’t appreciate what it takes to earn a dollar and then to use that dollar practically and prioritize the family expenses.November 13, 2013 9:35 pm at 9:35 pm #988010rebdonielMember
You have a serious problem on your hands. You need to consult professional help.November 13, 2013 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm #988011🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
mochelli- most feminists out there are working to contribute financially. They understand the value of a dollar and how to balance a budget.November 14, 2013 12:31 am at 12:31 am #988012writersoulParticipant
rebdoniel: “akeret habayit” means “foundation of the home.” To the best of my knowledge, “foundation” does not mean floor-scrubber or laundry-washer. There is no reason why a wife should not do this, but it doesn’t HAVE TO BE her job. Each scenario is different, and a wife is not necessarily a deficient one if she doesn’t clean the toilets.November 20, 2013 1:59 am at 1:59 am #988013always runs with scissors fastParticipant
I want to tell you something. If he is giving her $700 but that has to go for food, clothing, phone, bills and dental, then that is not very much at all.November 20, 2013 3:25 am at 3:25 am #988014the-art-of-moiParticipant
I doubt mochelli is abusive/ controlling. If he would be, he wouldn’t have cared enough abt the fact that his wife feels she isn’t getting enough money to start a thread about it. Does that sound right?
editedNovember 20, 2013 3:45 am at 3:45 am #988015rebdonielMember
Without domestic duties being addressed, a home falls down quicker than a house of cards. The toilets don’t clean themselves, now, do they?November 20, 2013 4:01 am at 4:01 am #988016Torah613TorahParticipant
rebdoniel: Not cleaning a toilet won’t cause a home to fall down. I know someone personally who lived in a dirah for 2 years and never cleaned the toilet.November 20, 2013 5:46 am at 5:46 am #988018🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
cleaning toilets is definitely a man’s job.November 21, 2013 12:02 am at 12:02 am #988019the-art-of-moiParticipant
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