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i feel lost in this area. i can make kids laugh, have a good time and entertain. but i can’t control misbehaving kids. i lose control of my emotions as well, and it can manifest as frustration, anger, helpless, etc. i scream, stomp my foot and sometimes hit. i want this to stop. please help me.
i need advice on how to talk and deal with a kid acting badly.
Sounds like you are more asking advice on how to deal with yourself.
See Mishle 13:24, Makkos 8a, Rambam Talmud Torah 2:2 and S”A Y.D. 245:10 for what to do.
Good observation.
Someone taught me this, and it helped me so much but it’s really hard to do! When a kid is misbehaving or really getting to you, just separate yourself from the situation for a few seconds. Realize they’re not out to get you and there’s a reason they’re acting like this. With that in mind, it is much easier to respond calmly.
tzaddiq, those sources give very practical advice. And they all say more or less the same thing. So look at any one of them. The posuk in Tanach is probably the quickest one to lookup.
Is there a particular situation in where your child misbehaves, or does the child just not listen? Can you be more specific in your issue? You don’t have to share your answer with the CR, but you do need to know the answer for yourself.
You should have a mechanech that you can discuss your chinuch issues with. You need to give positive reinforcement in a much larger proportion than negative. That means, that you should reward positive behavior, much more often than you would punish negative behaviors. Chazal say the left hand pushes away and the right one (the stronger one)brings closer.
My favorite book for chinuch is Make Me Don’t Break Me, by R. Moshe Gans. To be honest I haven’t read all the new books, but trust me, it’s a classic.
Children don’t have bechira. There is no “good” or “bad” behavior in a moral sense; the question is how you can take control of their behavior. I recommend “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk”.
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