I Cry That I Don't Cry

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  • #610078

    Oh Shreck!
    Participant

    Heard this from somewhere (I think Harav Dishon shlit”a)

    There was this far-removed, non-observant soldier who was at the Kosel on Tisha B’av. He took in the sight, the multitudes sitting huddled in groups, weeping on the floor. After a while he broke into a great bawling, a TRUE, REAL cry. Someone approached him and got to talking. He asked this fellow in the kindest, sincerest tone, what that was all about. He didn’t really seem the type to mourn over the churban etc. To which this soldier replied “??? ???? ?? ???? ?? ????”.

    That sums it up. When we’re in pain, we’re alive!! If can feel for the Bais Hamikdash, tzaar and galus Hashchina, then we’re alive with it. When we can feel a yearning to the grandeur of old, the presence of HaShem in our midst, then we have a connection to it.

    If not, then we should cry that we don’t / can’t cry. (It’s also a cry, also noticed by HaShem. It’s ???? ?????? – a ???? to have a ????)

    #966198

    RABBAIM
    Participant

    The Chidushaei Harim says if you cannot cry about Churban then cry about yourself……….

    #966199

    WIY
    Member

    Rabbanim

    And if you can’t cry about yourself?

    #966200

    Toi
    Participant

    WIY- cry about your shvigger.

    EDIT- ok i know i know.

    #966201

    WIY
    Member

    Toi

    I guess I should cry that I dont have one yet.

    #966202

    it’s always about shidduchim, isn’t it

    #966203

    WIY
    Member

    rationalfrummie

    For an older single? Its usually the greatest cause of pain.

    #966204

    I got into the game fairly recently and yes, it’s definitely harder than I imagined it would be. best of luck to you, WIY. you certainly seem very learned and sensitive, at least virtually.

    #966205

    WIY
    Member

    rationalfrummie

    Thank you. Hatzlacha to you as well.

    #966206

    RABBAIM
    Participant

    If you can’t cry about yourself you need to learn a lot more to see and then feel the great gap of what we can be and what we are. We need to put ourselves in a private place with no phone and no distractions and learn the Hakdamah and first perek of Mesilas Yeshorim and see how we measure up.

    #966207

    rebdoniel
    Member

    There are lots of things in this world to cry about, and all are related to the theme of Tisha b’Av: the world is not perfect because we’re lacking G-d’s Presence here, which we were deemed unworthy of due to our many sins and failures in how we treat other people.

    #966208

    I read something beautiful on maidelle.com

    I hope you all had an enjoyable and meaningful fast and now sit satisfied and full as you think back to your inspiration.

    I wanted to share one thing I gained this year.

    One girl left. She came back a minute later.

    But it got better. At 2:00, the staff put on a cantata. Scene after scene, the staff portrayed the frightening things which happened to the Jews throughout the ages. Sitting among campers, I got chills as I heard gentle weeps from all over. At the end, the camp showed a video about the suffering in Eretz Yisroel today.

    And then every girl received a paper person on which each girl wrote a kabbalah she took upon herself.Through teary eyes, I watched as girl after girl came up and handed hers to be hung up.

    Here is one I wanted to share with you.

    (There was an actual picture.) “to stop being ashamed to be a jew and to grow in judaism. Just be proud.”

    Why?

    #966209

    Toi
    Participant

    very moving.

    #966210

    takahmamash
    Participant

    Oh Schreck! I read this story as well, but the chayalim were at the Kotel minutes after it was captured in the Six Day War. I think it’s in one of “The Maggid Says” series.

    #966211

    Oh Shreck!
    Participant

    takahmamash

    I do think you have the correct version, now that you remind me. However, I heard it from Rav Dishon years ago, before the Maggid began speaking. (maybe he was the one to ask the soldier?)

    #966212

    “If you can’t cry about yourself you need to learn a lot more to see and then feel the great gap of what we can be and what we are. We need to put ourselves in a private place with no phone and no distractions and learn the Hakdamah and first perek of Mesilas Yeshorim and see how we measure up.”

    “Crying” can be symbolic and metaphorical. It is unfair and unreasonable to say that if you can’t physically cry, you’re doing something wrong. It is possible to feel a world of emotion without shedding a single tear.

    #966213

    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    jewishfeminist – I agree. I was 19 when my 17 year old sister died and after that I never cried about anything because no other pain could compare. But I felt people’s pain tremendously, worked on myself, and changed dramatically. Oddly enough, after my mother died 8 years ago, I started crying about everyone’s pain and still do.

    #966214

    rebdoniel
    Member

    Somebody above asked “lama?” The idea that Moshiach will fall from the clouds on horseback is a Christian one. Rambam explains that Geulah is something we have to prepare ourselves for. The human race needs to advance itself morally and spiritually and progress towards a place of Perfection on both the personal and societal levels. Human effort is required, and is surely met with siyata de shamaya. Instead of remaining fixated on olam haba, our task as Jews is to sanctify olam hazeh and imbibe our daily existence with meaning and purpose, through shmirat hamitzvot, torah learning, acts of chesed, and progress towards a more just world order.

    #966215

    Oh Shreck!
    Participant

    One last gedank, thought still in the spirit of Tisha b’Av (it’s still before chatzos).

    I read yesterday something beautiful on the passuk ???????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ???, which literally means “when I try to overcome my anguish, I cannot, my heart still aches”.

    This perush (forgot who) explained it as – I can overcome this great anguish from the very fact that I still ache for it. Generally the dead are forgotten after twelve months, ????? ?? ?????, as Rabbi Miller ztz”l wrote – a great benefit to mankind, they should be able to pick themselves up and go on in life. The fact that we can still ache for the Bais HaMikdash shows that it’s still pretty much alive. That is our ????, the very fact that ????? ??????.

    ????? ???? ????? ????? ??? ?????

    #966216

    RABBAIM
    Participant

    So syag, you do not agree, you actually did cry again and again. NO, crying is not just internal…. when it flows form within the tears flow. Anyone who lost a close relative or friend know the pain and freedom of crying. If we cannot cry for the loss of the Mikdash its because we don’t feel that she is a close friend or relative.

    #966217

    Oh Shreck, I am sorry but the dead are never “forgotten after twelve months”. Yes, we pick ourselves up and go on with our lives. But that ache will always, always be there no matter what. We think of them often and miss them constantly.

    #966218

    RABBAIM, you are making unfair assumptions. Some people can cry and some can’t. Not everyone who lost a close relative or friend cried about it and it’s NOT because they weren’t close enough.

    #966219

    notasheep
    Member

    I found myself crying for the first time on tisha b’av this year. I was trying to keep my 2 year old occupied and I was singing to her, hashivenu, etz chaim… then I started singing ‘together’ (from marvelous middos machine – a chillingly beautiful song) and I couldn’t get through it without my voice cracking up. She was touching my tears and was getting all concerned cause I was crying, and then I hugged her and asked her if she would be a mitzva girl so we could have the beis hamikdash back.

    #966220

    WIY
    Member

    jewishfeminist02

    I disagree. Every human can cry even though it is harder for some. There are people who think there is something wrong with crying and think they must be tough or due to a lot of troubles in their lives they become very stoic but anyone can cry. There are people who are afraid to cry. There are people who are afraid to really be that in touch with their feelings and emotions. I can tell you as a guy growing up I always believed a guy has to be tough and should bury his emotions. I had many issues growing up and all I did was build a wall so nothing can penetrate. One day I was able to actually penetrate that wall and I just cried like a baby and once I was able to cry I was able to heal, cry to Hashem and start working on myself to change. I know this is private stuff but you don’t know me so I feel safe in saying this. Either way my point is simply that its healthy to be able to cry and to be able to be moved to tears. Additionally, the power of tears are very mighty in prayer. If one can cry by Davening and if a woman can cry by lighting the shabbos candles and beg Hashem to bring yeshuos for their family and others they have in mind as well as our nation as a whole it is a prayer that Hashem cherishes and listens to because tears come from the deepest recesses of the heart and that is what Hashem wants.

    #966221

    cherrybim
    Participant

    I cry that I don’t cry when I don’t cry.

    #966222

    Some people need to cry because that is their outlet for expressing emotions, and that is healthy for them. Others find crying unnatural, and far from being cathartic, it just leads to feelings of guilt and self-loathing as they wonder “what is wrong with me that I cannot cry”. There is nothing wrong with it. Writing in a journal, using a punching bag, making music, etc. are all valid ways of coping with grief. One doesn’t have to cry, and one shouldn’t get caught up in “why can’t I cry” rather than finding an alternate coping mechanism.

    #966223

    DaMoshe
    Participant

    Tisha B’Av is not just about the churban Beis haMikdash. It’s about all the suffering Jews have had through the centuries, even until today. It’s about what we’re missing – the fact that we don’t realize exactly what the Beis haMikdash means is what it’s about as well! We mourn that we are in golus. Eichah yashvah badad – we sit alone.

    My Rav told a story of a man whose wife died in childbirth. Every year, he would sit his son down and tell him the story of how his mother gave her life to bring him into the world, and what an amazing person his mother had been.

    One year, on the yartzeit, the father sees the son in shul, mumbling kaddish. The father was furious! “This is how you repay your mother? By barely mumbling kaddish? Do you know what an amazing person she was? How can you do this to her?”

    The son responded, “No, actually, I don’t. I’ve heard from you about my mother, but I never experienced it for myself. How can you expect me to appreciate her fully? I wish I had met her and gotten to know her, but unfortunately, that couldn’t happen.”

    This is our situation. We don’t fully understand our loss, because we didn’t experience the Beis haMikdash. But we can mourn the fact that we didn’t see it, and that we still haven’t seen it.

    Mourn for what you can understand. Those who lost relatives to the Nazis yemach sh’mam. Those who lost friends or family to the Muslim terrorists. We mourn all the tragedies on Tisha B’Av.

    May Hashem soon wipe away all our tears, and may we never know tragedy again!

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