I don't understand
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- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 1 month ago by yossi z..
January 31, 2011 6:48 pm at 6:48 pm #594651
People are always complaining about not being redd “good” shiduchim. They go on to blame it on some facts such as: If only i learned full time and wasn’t a working boy, if i had money, if iwas better looking, if this, if that, and the likes.
When i first started dating i would reject every girl based on her looks, i was so resentful at the shadchanim for not setting me up with rich, affluent “models”, like my friends were getting. (so i thought)
As time went on i started realizing, that, maybe something was wrong with me. When I stopped to think about it, i realized that the girls I was dating were fine ehrliche Girls, with good Middos and some very fine qualities, however I was a mess and I couldn’t see it at that time
There was nothing wrong with the Girls, there was something wrong with me. Here I was, a guy that was not “perfect on paper” and thought that it was because of that, that i was getting redd the girls that i was getting redd.(though there was nothing wrong with them)
Here are my gripes about this: People are always complainig about not getting redd “the perfect girls”.
I want to get the girls who I think are “better” than the ones I am getting, the girls from perfect homes, the best looking girls, and so on. (basically the girls I think my friends are getting)
I think part of the problem is that I didn’t have enough confidence in myself.(low self-esteem) Now, B”H I’m able to see things much clearer and i’m starting to see the the girls for what they truly are and as just and object.
Now, I only speak from my own experience, but, I see some of these issues in others
Stop and ask yourself: What’s “wrong” with the girls I’m Being redd? Is there something “wrong” with them or with me? Maybe I’m being unrealistic?
I can’t stand when people gripe about being redd the wrong girls/guys. Why would you even want a girl/ guy who has so many expectations that are unrealistic
Just because you work doesn’t make you a bad person. As people have admitted in these forums, down the line it doesn’t make a difference. What does make a difference is wether the person has good middos or not
Lets not make that mistake. Theres no inherent issue with a person who comes from a “broken fammily”, is not “rich” or some other stupidity that we think are “real Issues”
Waiting for your feedback.
1dayJanuary 31, 2011 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #733827
Anyone?January 31, 2011 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #733828deiyezoogerMember
shidduchim again, oh no!January 31, 2011 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #733829
No, not again, just proving a point that it’s a whole lot different than it seemsJanuary 31, 2011 9:59 pm at 9:59 pm #733830bptParticipant
The problem is, 1Day, you’re expecting objectivity in a marketplace that awards the most points for things that mean the least.
In looking back 10-20 years, people see things for what they truly are, but right out of the gate, its almost impossible.
I can relate to much of what you said, but I’ve got hindsight to rely on.
Still, its refreshing to hear this attitude from someone else! Don’t let up. Keep on sounding the voice of reason and people will get the message. If there is one thing I’ve learnt from the CR, its this:
Many people see your message and many get it.. even if they don’t comment.January 31, 2011 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #733831HaLeiViParticipant
You probably meant to say, not just as an object.January 31, 2011 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #733832
“The problem is, 1Day, you’re expecting objectivity in a marketplace that awards the most points for things that mean the least.”
Not anymore I aint- By the grace of G-D I’m able to see things much clearer these days
No one has the right to say “Bad Shidduchim”
Since when are people objects?! You can say “it’s not for me” for whatever reason you have, but to complain “i’m getting such bad shidduchim” I don’t get it
1dayJanuary 31, 2011 11:21 pm at 11:21 pm #733833yossi z.Member
1day: you say that if only … Well a lot of people do learn full time etc to get the girl they want but it usually ends in disaster because they are representing someone they are not
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