November 24, 2013 3:19 pm at 3:19 pm #611367
I am soon going into an intesne conversation with my parents. As many of you know, I have become quite different from them, but BH this problem seemed to ease off. But it seems as though it is only superficially. They r very pushy for me to lead my life in a certain direction because “I have no life experince”. They dont have so muc faith that this is who I am, but I’ve never been ahppier and I dont want to change. Im trying to make them happy, but these majour life deisicons that I think will make me a happier Jew and a happier person, well I think |I need to do them for myself. And I am the youngest child, so this is also probably a youngest child thing they r doing to me. I know they love me and want whats best, but it has come to a point, where I can no longer be open with them about anything importnt in my life because I am afraid they will get upset, cuz they always do. Im not looking for advice really here, I sorta wanted to share this story, because I need all the tefillos I can get that I will say the proper things to my parents. I want to repair this “flaw” in relationship with them, but I want them to see I need space to make choices on my own, so I can use their life experiance to help make MY OWN LIFE EXPERIANCES.
So pls pls, If you are kind enough, pls keep me in ur tefilos. Hashem will IyH know who you are tlaking about. Thanks CR family 🙂November 24, 2013 3:24 pm at 3:24 pm #1058238
hatzlocha rabba and good for you for jumping into that tought conversation!November 24, 2013 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #1058239Shopping613 🌠Participant
?????? You guyz are all in my tefillos…
Srsly, why can there be a list on yhe board stating:
People who are not sick, but need your tefillos:
And so on…..November 24, 2013 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #1058240
thank yo saysme- its not going to be easy at all. But I know this is nessicary for my abilities in life (parnassa, who I marry etc.)
shopping- agreed 🙂 thnks 🙂November 24, 2013 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #1058241
Wow, that could’ve been written by me. My parents told me they don’t really approve of my choices and that I don’t have enough life experience to choose correctly. I don’t know how to tell them that this is my life and I will do what I want and nothing they say will change it. And if they big me about it, it’ll just be worse and probably alienate me even more.November 24, 2013 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #1058242
fkelly- you arent alone pal! I wish that the CR had a way to make email conversations between two people so we cud give each other chizuk…then again we wud have never known we were in the same poisiton as each other if it wasnt written forum style 🙂
Stay strong, and keep yourself motivated in the way you are living now. As long as you are happy and feel like you are living meaninful life, IyH your parents should come around. If you need any other advice let me know (although right now im kind of panciking for this conversation)!!!!!November 24, 2013 7:20 pm at 7:20 pm #1058243zahavasdadParticipant
I will actually agree with you, People need to find things out for themselves.While I dont know specifics, I have found out that I knew some things and my parents knew somethings and sometimes they were right and sometimes they were wrong. Everyones life is different and everyone needs a different path.November 24, 2013 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #1058244Torah613TorahParticipant
Hatzlacha Rabba! Keep it mature and respectful. If you get too emotional, it may help to write a letter instead.November 24, 2013 10:16 pm at 10:16 pm #1058245
Thanks 🙂 Yes I have wished that many times too..
Best of luck to you!November 25, 2013 3:31 am at 3:31 am #1058246the-art-of-moiParticipant
(((((())))))) sending hugs to you where ever you are. I will bli neder have you in mind during my shemona esrei tommorow. Stay strong, Hashem is at your side! Have you ever read the poem about footprints in the sand? I don’t have the poem with me right now, but basically the story goes like this-
There was once a person who died and went up to shamayim. There he saw his whole life flash before him by the sea. Whenever times were good, he saw two sets of footprints in the sand. However, when times were rough, he only saw one set. At the end of the viewing, he turned to Hashem and asked, “Hashem, during my good times you were always with me, but when I needed you most, why did you leave me alone?” Hashem replied, “my beloved child, who I love more than anything, it was during those times that I was carrying you.
I hope things go well!!!!!!November 25, 2013 7:11 am at 7:11 am #1058247
ourtorah, fkelly- can we make that a wish for 3-way email chizuk? :-/November 25, 2013 11:39 pm at 11:39 pm #1058248
just wanted to let you know it didnt go super well. I feel btr now that its on the table tho, so for anyone who was planning on doing something like this, dont get your hopes down. It feels a lot better. Also now that its on the table, my parents r aware of what was bothering me and I can let it simmer. I have spoken to a Rabbi whom they sincerely respect who will help out if nesscairy!
thank you again for all your chizuk and tefilos! 🙂 KEep davening!!November 26, 2013 3:21 am at 3:21 am #1058249the-art-of-moiParticipant
I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped.
Stay strong!November 26, 2013 6:23 am at 6:23 am #1058250
thx for the update n encouragment! Wishing u continued progress n improvement!November 26, 2013 11:35 am at 11:35 am #1058251Shopping613 🌠Participant
Sorry it didnt work out, but at least youre on speaking terms and they are trying to understand you!!!!
Im sure this is for the best!
You are in my tefilos.November 26, 2013 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm #1058252
I’m sorry 🙁November 26, 2013 11:55 pm at 11:55 pm #1058253
Please don’t be sorry 🙂 BH Hashem instilled within me the ability to stay strong and keep smiling and for now that is very helpful. With my freinds in real life, My Rabbi and mentors, and of course YOU SPECIAL PEOPLE (I sure hope ur people lol) I have many reasons to keep smiling. I know that the Yetzer Hara usually tries to kill your goals before something amazing is supposed to happen so you give up. But I will not give up because I know something amazing will IyH come out of my decisions!
Thanks again guys so much keep the chizuk coming 🙂November 27, 2013 3:53 am at 3:53 am #1058254
What else would we be??
You have a great attitude, so keep it up! You’re doing great!November 28, 2013 3:06 pm at 3:06 pm #1058255streekgeekParticipant
Whew…finally got a chance to sit and write a coherent post, something I’ve wanted to do for some time. I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t go as expected 🙁 I was (still am actually) davening for you!! I know you specifically requested that you don’t want advice but just wanted to share one thing. Personally, I don’t have the best relationship with either of my parents as our views are quite different as well. One thing I’ve learnt from this is, and I’m sure you know as well, parents love their children too much to just let them do whatever they think is right. Your parents (views, mentalities, and lifestyle aside) know you best! They seriously do, better than anyone else, so their opinions on how you should live shouldn’t be taken that lightly. Really listen to what they have to say, as they sincerely want you to be happy more than anyone else in the world. I really don’t know your situation so I’m kind of debating whether to post this or not, but if it’s not applicable to you maybe someone else will read it one day so please forgive me… 🙂 And btw I love your last post – you know you’re an inspiration, right?November 28, 2013 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #1058256jbaldy22Member
My parents didnt particularly approve of my life choices either. At the end of the day I am considerably more successful financially and otherwise than they are. Parents may mean well but that does make them always right.
My tefilos are with you. Try saying one kapitol of tehillim a day for yourself too – it may sound silly or basic but if it is said with the proper kavana it will work wonders.
Keep talking to a mentor as that will help you have more faith in yourself, your abilities and your direction in life.
At the end of the day your parents will probably come around if they see you are serious about things that are important to you and are striving to do what you think is right.November 28, 2013 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #1058257
streekgeek- THANK YOU for that wise and beautiful advice! I was really only looking for some chizuk, but that totally helped! I agree that parents do everything out of love, but in my situation, they are so in love with me that they are overlooking the things that will not harm me and make me happy by seeing them as harmful. Basically, they use their preconviceved notions of events that happned in their lives to base my chocies on. and it is very hard to get throguh. they also told me to stop talking to others because THEY are the people that raised me and invested everything in me. But I told them to think clearly for a minute. They want whats best for me, but their emotinal attachemnt is too high that the logical compnent has gone out the door. They themselves have mentors outside their own parents. Everyone needs!
jbaldy- I will definitly do that. THANK YOU soooo much for the advice and chizuk. I will keep pushing and it is nice to see that you were able to come out successful despite your parents opposing. That is most definitly inspiring to me 🙂November 29, 2013 5:33 pm at 5:33 pm #1058258streekgeekParticipant
Sheesh! That sounds complicated – so I was right for debating whether to post or not cuz I really didn’t understand your situation, I apologize for that. In any event, I’m glad you have your head on straight and I hope your parents come around to fully understanding you and accepting your life’s decisions as well. And congrats on your new subtitle – I’m loving it 🙂February 6, 2015 1:34 am at 1:34 am #1058259
I went to find this because of a thread I have been posting on recently helping @FFBBT with her parental issues.
I just wanted to let you know that Baruch Hashem things have really made an incredible turn around with my parents. I have an icnredibly strong relationship with them now and we are able to discuss all our issues openly and fludily. I have gained so much chizuk from all of you at the CR, and am forever greatful for your help!
On a side note over the past year I was davening for someone going through the same thing as me and in the SAME WEEK right after Rosha Hashanah our issues incredibly took a huge jump to resolvement. Never underestimate the power of Teflia, and never give up on your growth and dreams. Hashem has grand plans!February 6, 2015 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #1058261oomisParticipant
OurTorah – thank you for a beautiful update.February 6, 2015 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #1058262Letakein GirlParticipant
What oomis said.February 6, 2015 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #1058263kj chusidParticipant
What letakin girl said
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