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What is it that makes people think it’s their place to comment on how/what you should do with your kids when your kids are welll-behaved and you are double their age or have double the life experience? I control myself but I wish I had a ome-liner or two to put some people in their places sometimes.It’s beyond me,and I NEVER DO IT TO OTHERS!
my one-liner suggestion: ‘yeah, whatever’
It makes us feel good to tell others what to do. That way, we can look aside from our own inequities.
Oh, BTW, did you make sure to put your kids to sleep an hour earlier tonight? NU!
jk 😉
i say live and let live…do what u want as long as ur not imposing it on me and if u give me unsolicited advice i will give u a dirty look :)))
i totallly agree i hate when ppl tell my parents how to take care of us unless they ask its ridiculous and disgusting no one should do it!!
Am I missing something? What’s the problem if children are well-behaved?
It would be a really interesting if you shot back and “who advised YOU to do that?”
eclipse! welcome back!
i was babysitting for someone everyday and I would have ppl tell me, “well did you ask the grandmother if you can do this?” (note she wasnt the mother she was the GRANDMOTHER!)or “well my Dr. says to do this.” and they would run to the mother and ask if this and this was OK, never mind what I was saying or doing. B”H i left that job because when you have to work with people like that and who dotn stop critzing, you just stop! the mother didnt care what I did. I was hired to do a job and I have been babysitting for many years at this point and I was having many people give me unsolicited advice for no reason! I was doing the right thing, feeding the baby, playing etc it was just so bad!
Then I was telling someone something one day that maybe my stomach hurt and and I was married only about 6 months and I said joking “maybe I’m pregnant” and what does she say…”YOU BETTER NOT BE!” who are you to tell me when and when not to be expecting! Hello I dont need your advice on that!
What I really hate (unsolicited advice)
when someone comments (or commented) about my baby being cold WHEN I LIVE IN MIAMI BEACH
:p> mbachur <d:
Me? I’ll smile and say a meek “Thanks, I’ll try it”, or ‘OK’. Uh Oh! was that ‘Unsolicited Advice’? I’m hiding!
Give them a surprised (or incredulous) look and say, “Do you REALLY think so??”
Smile and nod they will go away. I do it and they eventually run out of things to say and feel awkward for starting up. Now, I am a warm, people person, but unsolicited, uncalled for advice really gets to me so instead of one-lining them I just smile and nod as if I care. If they can’t come up with conversation topics that don’t involve being unsolicitous and uncalled for then I have no need or interest in talking with them.
Oh did I mention that I babysit?
😀 Zuberman! 😀
so you think that i should make my daughter feel welcome? I should tell her I love her?
Wow! What great ideas!!! do you have any other ideas? i’d love to hear them!
By the way, i don’t know if it’s true, but i wonder if younger children (meaning not oldest children) have more difficulty with this issue. i find that my youngest sister feels that everyone is giving her advice. Whereas, i’m an oldest child, and if someone tells me that i should put a hat on my baby or that my baby looks cold, it doesn’t even bother me – i’ll just say yeah, you may be right. (and in general i am very sensitive). i don’t know if this is true at all, or it could be that the youngest child has older siblings who still think they need to give younger person advice, whereas, after the oldest child gives younger sibling a certain look, younger sibling doesn’t advice older sibling. does this make sense? what do people in cr think?
i too hate unsolicited advice, i have learned from the wisdom of age to just nod my head, pretend to listen and then do what I want. It usually works unless the advisor is a real nag and doesn’t stop pushing.
Try a conversation like this:
Me:So my daughter came to visit…
She:Make sure she always feels welcome!
Me:Nah,then she’d want to come back…
She:What!You don’t want her to visit?
Me:Of course,and it’s a given…
Here are my answers:
“What?!You have …(amt.)kids and you got divorced? DIDN’T YOU HAVE ANY SELF-CONTROL???”
It’s obvious that I do have self-control, otherwise I would have punched you.
“What?!You were married …(amt.)years and THEN you got divorced?Why on earth did you WAIT so long??”
I was waiting for your advice.
“Oh,don’t worry,you can get back together–even after a ‘get’,really!”
He’s a cohen.
“DID YOU EVER CONSIDER INITIATING MARRIAGE COUNSELLING?”
OH! Where was my head?! Why didn’t I think of that!?
“You know who suffers from the selfishness of the parents?Your kids!”
And do you know who suffers from the selfishness of inconsiderate yentas who think they know everything?
DY~ *dripping* with sarcasm, your answers made me laugh … especially showing self-control 😉
me too.
Anything free I’ll take! Who’s giving it out? Where do I go?
DY~ *dripping* with sarcasm
Who, me? Dripping with sarcasm? Never….
😉
It all depends on the spirit in which it was offerred. If it was friendly I’ll say thanks and decide on my own whether or not to take it. If it was given condescendingly or with a belligerent attitude I simply explain to the guy that it’s really none of his business.
Yeah, I also sometimes wish I’d be “cool” and a bit “snobby”. It just doesn’t work!
eclipse: I feel for you!!!
B: Why don’t you go there and do that?
A: I forgot.
Sure, anytime;)
Seriously, how do you make sure ppl don’t take advantage of you being that ur such a warm person? Ppl have been taking advantage of me. It’s so tough getting tough! (no pun intended)
Eclipse are u realy divorced??
Why is everyone giving her unsolicited advice about what to do to someone giving..
cant imagine that guess i dont know u well enough
Why is everyone giving her unsolicited advice about what to do to someone giving..
Because she, um, solicited it by posting it in a public forum?
“What is it that makes people think it’s their place to comment on how/what you should do with your kids when your kids are welll-behaved and you are double their age or have double the life experience?”
Human nature is if they aren’t divorced, they think they are better than you and know more than you. You can’t let them have that misconception.
Also, after reading your little convo between you and your friend, if your friend isn’t a snob, it could be they thought you were seeking their advice. “Me:So my daughter came to visit…” ie -What do you have to say about it? If you don’t want their unsolicited advice try this – My daughter’s visit was nice and I enjoyed it -I’m hoping to see her again in the not so distant future. Make sure your comments aren’t open -ended, so the other person won’t think you want their opinion. Starting the convo with “so” can give the impression of seeking advice. If for some reason, you do it the way I say and still they put their two cents in, simply and curtly say -I’m really not seeking opinions on this. Or if you want to be mean say -I’m not interested in Your opinion -keep it to yourself!
or, as I said at the top of this thread, hit ’em with a flat ‘yeah, whatever’ > that’s a conversation ender right there! it’s the verbal equivalent of turning your back and walking away.
How about this?
“What?!You have …(amt.)kids and you got divorced? DIDN’T YOU HAVE ANY SELF-CONTROL???”
I did have self-control; that’s why I was only charged with assault instead of Manslaughter!
“What?!You were married …(amt.)years and THEN you got divorced?Why on earth did you WAIT so long??”
I had to get out of prison first.
“Oh,don’t worry,you can get back together–even after a ‘get’,really!”
I actually want to get back together -to finish what I started!
(Punch fist into the other hand a few times.)
“DID YOU EVER CONSIDER INITIATING MARRIAGE COUNSELLING?”
I actually did consider it, but I opted to beating the pulp out of him – it was much more satisfying!
“You know who suffers from the selfishness of the parents?Your kids!”
They didn’t suffer – I hardly touched them, but him on the other hand…
eclipse~ it sounds rude, I guess, but more so disrespectful? but I think it’s just a way of not giving credence to the person’s unwanted advice. why would one give you more unwanted advice if you just basically put a ‘the end'(‘talk to the hand’) sign to the conversation? it’s showing that you have no interest in what was said, & that seems to be encouragement enough for no further convo.
it may seem harsh, but the example you gave was of a veryyy rude (passive-aggressive) yenta! :/
It seems like the person interrupted with their unsolicited advice. In that case, it can just be ignored; just continue where you left off. As in:
A: So my daughter came over to visit-
B: You should show her love.
A: and we had a very nice time.
Truth be told; …That way we can look away from our own “Inequities”. A more accurate definition would be “Iniquities”, which describes “Sin” more accurately than “Inequity”, which is closer to inequality/justice. (As per Sage on-line Dictionary.)
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