Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › If somebody wants to work on their middos, where would you tell them to start?
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December 21, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #601235always runs with scissors fastParticipant
There are so many areas in Yiddish keit on where and how to improve oneself.
Shmiras Haloshen, mussar sefarim, such as orchos tzadikim, chavos levavos, or tehillim or doing hisbodidus? What should be the focus on how to have better middos and sensitivity towards others and on being a mentch?
December 21, 2011 8:45 pm at 8:45 pm #838257MiddlePathParticipantI think a good focus to have that may help improving one’s middos and sensitivity is realizing and internalizing that G-d does an infinite amount of kindness to us, every single day. He is always looking out for us, and always does what is best for us. And we are here in this world to try to emulate G-d, so we should also try to give to others, be aware of others’ needs, and have a greater sensitivity to other people. That is emulating G-d’s ways.
December 21, 2011 8:56 pm at 8:56 pm #838258always runs with scissors fastParticipantyes i was just reading that rabbi avigdor miller was saying the best “teshuva ” is while eating watermelon.
December 21, 2011 10:10 pm at 10:10 pm #838259ItcheSrulikMemberI don’t know what kind of an answer you’re expecting since nobody here knows you or has experience as a mashpia/mashgiach.
Anyone who is working on their middos will just tell you what to do what they started with because “hey, why not? It worked for me.”
Anyone who isn’t has nothing useful to add but will probably open their mouths anyway.
December 22, 2011 2:07 am at 2:07 am #838260Abba bar AristotleParticipantChazal tell us that “Derech Eretz kadma l’Torah. Therefore, if a person wants to begin to work on Middos, he/she must first begin to work on Derech Eretz
December 22, 2011 4:14 am at 4:14 am #838261aries2756ParticipantAlways, in order to work on oneself, one has to take a good hard look at themselves and see what needs improvement. Don’t try and make too many changes too soon, or try to do too much too soon that will only be a recipe for failure. Think of something you would like to work on and then make an effort to do better in that area. When you feel better about that, it will help you to feel better about yourself in general and allow you to move up to another area.
So if for instance you want to make improvements in the area of loshon horah, concentrate on that for a while until you really have a handle on that before you choose to tackle another area. Make sure you feel good about your accomplishment and you are confident that you reached your goal, then you can happily move on to another.
December 22, 2011 3:06 pm at 3:06 pm #838262mytakeMemberI agree with ItcheSrulik. Ask someone who knows you.
December 22, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #838263ZeesKiteParticipantHere’s a good place to start. Everyone get a good work-over (at least tryouts) on their middos over here!
Before I came here to the CR I was, well, never mind.
December 22, 2011 5:13 pm at 5:13 pm #838264HaLeiViParticipantI agree with ItcheSrulik, too. You’ll have to work on whatever it your current, workable challenge.
If you are completely raw, that you don’t have a single good Midda and no bad one sticks out, then work on Anava.
December 22, 2011 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #838265HaLeiViParticipantAbba bar, Middos are Derech Eretz. What are you suggesting, to work on openning the door for someone before learning not to lose your temper?
December 22, 2011 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #838266Raphael KaufmanMemberYou know, the mussar sefarim and the popular literature on the subject usually instruct the reader to concetrate on those middos in which he (or she) is the weakest. Personally I think the approach should be that one should invest their efforts in their best characteristics to improve what they are best at and to avoid those situations where their weaknesses would be manifest. Just sayin’…
December 22, 2011 5:55 pm at 5:55 pm #838267twistedParticipantUse some imagery. Bring to mind your concept of a kulo machmadim, and pretend u are that person, After twenty years of effort, you will be that kulo machmadim.
December 23, 2011 5:31 am at 5:31 am #838268always runs with scissors fastParticipantwhat is a kulo machmadim?
December 23, 2011 5:52 am at 5:52 am #838269RABBAIMParticipantstart with a sefer like Mesillas Yesharim adn work on each perek. After you finish you will have a better picture of what areas you found most challenging and then learn/work on them. Hatzlacha… a person IS his midos.
December 23, 2011 10:49 am at 10:49 am #838270twistedParticipantAlways: From Shir Hashirim, a perfected individual, in literal meaning, he is all pleasantries.
December 24, 2011 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm #838271ayshosheeParticipantin my opinion the best place is to start with kavod -kibud av v’aim,kavod habrios, kavod atzmee,kavod ochel (not being baal tashchis) this is what we started with when starting to learn and work on our middos in seminary and i see a MAJOR difference in girls with how they act i believe that having kavod is the base of middos
December 25, 2011 1:33 am at 1:33 am #838272always runs with scissors fastParticipantCan I post a little annoyance (rant here). ? I agree with you ayshoshee, and I have a hard time watching people in grocery stores “tossing and throwing” their food items carelessly into their cart.
Like its a cool thing or something. But then I see even the goy at the cash is doing it now also, throwing heavy articles on soft ones just like the customers, then the order gets crushed. Who wants squashed tomatoes? But thats not the point, the point is the bread is feeding us, and we need to have respect. Kavod ochel.
December 25, 2011 1:34 am at 1:34 am #838273always runs with scissors fastParticipanttwisted I agree with you but sometimes I DONT FEEL PLEASAnt! Like when I am arguing with my spouse! I feel angry. HOW Can a person always show pleasantry?
December 25, 2011 4:07 am at 4:07 am #838274chulent dudeMemberthe ramban in igeres haramban gives a bunch of eitzos, but one of them is talk calmly to every person and not raise your voice to anybody…that’s with regard to being pleasant, but honestly if u wanna no wat to work on then you should speak to your rebbe who prob knows best
December 25, 2011 5:00 am at 5:00 am #838275always runs with scissors fastParticipantwhoa do I ever have my work cut out for me now!
I usually use a loud voice, and whatever…ok thanks
December 25, 2011 9:06 am at 9:06 am #838276ZeesKiteParticipantAlways:
I don’t think we “respect” the bread because “it” is feeding us. I think we respect food because that is the conduit through with which HaShem bestows on us His great kindness. Something akin to holding dear a souvenir, gift from a king. I think I once heard/saw this reason.
December 25, 2011 10:05 pm at 10:05 pm #838277always runs with scissors fastParticipantyes yes zeeskite, thats it. Thats what I mean. But you have to respect it. Its a gift. like money. would you just throw pennies into the sewer? Its an averia.
December 25, 2011 11:31 pm at 11:31 pm #838278MiddlePathParticipantI think humility is the number one middah we should work on, and just about every good trait stems from it. And the opposite is also true: Haughtiness leads to just about every bad trait.
December 26, 2011 12:34 am at 12:34 am #838279Bar ShattyaMemberI would tell them to start by appreciating that middos is not something to just want or not want its more like the purpose of life
December 26, 2011 3:37 am at 3:37 am #838280always runs with scissors fastParticipantthe way you all describe it it sounds like you are all shtieging every day.
December 26, 2011 3:49 am at 3:49 am #838281Bar ShattyaMemberat least every day. probably the other days too.
December 26, 2011 5:21 am at 5:21 am #838282always runs with scissors fastParticipantWHERE IN THE CR?
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