if you found out youre a goy…

Home Forums Decaffeinated Coffee if you found out youre a goy…

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 53 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #611996
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    famous stuff are: bring a reb akiva eiger into the bathroom.

    “tie my right shoe before my left shoe”- attributed to r yankel the iluy

    #1010379
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I’d start a cat rescue and you’d have to start a borogove reduction program.

    #1010380
    Ender
    Participant

    eat chailev

    #1010381
    BoruchSchwartz
    Participant

    i would bite my lips on shabbos

    #1010383
    Sam2
    Participant

    Who’s R’ Yankel the Iluy?

    #1010384
    yacr85
    Participant

    not make a zecher lechurban in my house

    #1010385
    gotbeer
    Member

    Eat lobster!!!!!!!!!!

    #1010386
    brainwash
    Participant

    Learn Iyun on Tishabav!

    #1010387

    I think I once wrote this (maybe with a different..)

    What I would do? I’d bring a korban to HaShem – a perfectly permitted and most meritorious thing a non Jew can do. And a Jew nowadays cannot.

    Then I’d make a dash for Beis Din.

    #1010388
    WIY
    Member

    I would walk in front in the 4 amos of someone davening shemoneh esrei.

    #1010389
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    I’d make a private Geirus and keep the affair quiet, to avoid it dragging on.

    #1010390
    musser zoger
    Participant

    I would:

    1) say devarim shb’hedusha without a minyan.

    2) daven not wearing a black hat and jacket.

    3) say pesukim of tanach b’al peh.

    4) Teach my daughter gemara.

    #1010392
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    sorry sam. cant say.

    #1010393
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    What if you find out you’re Jewish, but just not frum. What would you do then?

    #1010394
    midwesterner
    Participant

    That line is alleged to have been said by. R Yaakov Drillman.

    #1010395
    nfgo3
    Member

    Best answer so far: gotbeer’s

    #1010396
    nfgo3
    Member

    I’d buy a pair of green pants with navy-blue whales on them.

    #1010397

    PBA, you’re not going to believe it, but that is exactly what happened to me! What I did was, I criticized everyone else until I felt better.

    #1010398
    hudi
    Participant

    Go to har habayis

    #1010399
    2ND OPPINION
    Participant

    Peek at birkat cohanim. I’m soooo curious…

    #1010400
    walton157
    Member

    @everyone: If we found out that we aren’t Jewish non of the above would apply to us. So this whole thing is moot.

    #1010401
    Trust 789
    Member

    I would cry.

    #1010402
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    lol at Veltz

    #1010403
    funnybone
    Participant

    I’d go daven in a noisy shul and talk through the whole davening.

    #1010404
    singincherry
    Member

    what a horrible thought.

    #1010405
    nfgo3
    Member

    Funnybone is now tied for first with gotbeer.

    #1010406
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    I would post on shabbos.

    #1010407
    Lost1970
    Member

    >> What if you find out you’re Jewish, but just not frum.

    >> What would you do then?

    Coming from non — observant background it is very hard to give up most of worldly indulgences. Nevertheless, I do observe some commandments — I mostly observe Sabbath (do not use electricity, computer, do not write, do not use hot water). I observe most of kashrut and say some prayers.

    #1010408
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Crying is acceptable for Jews but not a recommended recreational activity for everyone.

    #1010409
    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    eat bacon with my cholent,

    keep TWO days purim,

    and text on shabbos

    #1010410
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    What if you found out you were Joseph?

    #1010411
    Sam2
    Participant

    PBA: I’d post inflammatory drivel on YWN.

    #1010412

    I’d eat a cheeseburger with gid hanasheh meat cooked b’chaleiv imo with some camel meat wrapped in bacon on the side.

    Also, I’d go to the beach, but I’m sure you kofrim already do that.

    #1010413
    WIY
    Member

    rf

    “Also, I’d go to the beach, but I’m sure you kofrim already do that.”

    Whoa buddy!!!

    #1010414
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Eat strawberries.

    #1010415
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Id get a blue Shirt

    #1010417

    @DaasYochid, stawberries not kosher?

    #1010418
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Strawberries are Kosher

    The issue they are debating is the Bugs that infest the strawberries and what is required to get rid of them since the Bugs are not Kosher and How big or small the bugs are

    (Bugs you can see with your naked eyes are not Kosher, Stuff Like Protozoa which require a microscope you dont need to worry about)

    #1010419
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Zahavasdad, correct.

    #1010420
    the-art-of-moi
    Participant

    I would be happy and sad at the same time cuz on one hand, my aveiros were never aveiiros, on the other, y mitzvis were never mitzvos.

    Ultimately, I would be sad cuz i think i did enuf teshuvah for my past mistakes.

    #1010421
    squeak
    Participant

    I would start saying “sheasani kirtzoinoi” every morning. But I would probably pronounce it kirtzono.

    #1010422
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    You mean “sheasani goy”.

    #1010423
    I. M. Shluffin
    Participant

    Such horrible answers! How can you even entertain the idea?! I would cry, but I wouldn’t, cus I wouldn’t have time if I wanted to do a geirus within a minute.

    #1010424
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    I don’t think I’d have the time to enjoy strawberries — I would attempt to start the conversion process ASAP!

    #1010425
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If I found out such a thing, I know what Id do, Id keep a secret. I know people who were in such circumstances and they were all of a sudden treated very differently by the community, they were suddenly shunned and treated as person non grata and even after the problem was fixed, hurt feelings do not go away so easily

    #1010426
    ben_David
    Participant

    I wouldn’t believe it, my Jewfro can’t lie.

    #1010427
    Rebbe Yid
    Participant

    I would do teshuva for all the shabbosos I kept be’issur.

    #1010428
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    I would probably wait a bit before converting, to make sure I’m not just doing it because I can’t imagine not being jewish. I’d want to be jewish because of the special kesher with Hashem, not just because I can’t imagine life any other way.

    #1010429
    questions101
    Member

    Thank you I. M. Shluffin for changing the tone of the answers. These more recent answers a lot more acceptable.

    #1010430
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    wow and original. its good to know theres someone in the world thats making sure these answers are acceptable besides the mods.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 53 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.