if you found out youre a goy…
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- This topic has 52 replies, 41 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by no longer need seminary.
January 29, 2014 5:12 am at 5:12 am #611996
famous stuff are: bring a reb akiva eiger into the bathroom.
“tie my right shoe before my left shoe”- attributed to r yankel the iluyJanuary 29, 2014 3:05 pm at 3:05 pm #1010379
I’d start a cat rescue and you’d have to start a borogove reduction program.January 29, 2014 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #1010380EnderParticipant
eat chailevJanuary 29, 2014 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #1010381BoruchSchwartzParticipant
i would bite my lips on shabbosJanuary 29, 2014 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #1010383Sam2Participant
Who’s R’ Yankel the Iluy?January 29, 2014 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm #1010384yacr85Participant
not make a zecher lechurban in my houseJanuary 29, 2014 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #1010385gotbeerParticipant
Eat lobster!!!!!!!!!!January 29, 2014 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #1010386brainwashParticipant
Learn Iyun on Tishabav!January 29, 2014 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #1010387Little FroggieMember
I think I once wrote this (maybe with a different..)
What I would do? I’d bring a korban to HaShem – a perfectly permitted and most meritorious thing a non Jew can do. And a Jew nowadays cannot.
Then I’d make a dash for Beis Din.January 29, 2014 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #1010388WIYMember
I would walk in front in the 4 amos of someone davening shemoneh esrei.January 29, 2014 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm #1010389HaLeiViParticipant
I’d make a private Geirus and keep the affair quiet, to avoid it dragging on.January 29, 2014 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #1010390Rav TuvParticipant
1) say devarim shb’hedusha without a minyan.
2) daven not wearing a black hat and jacket.
3) say pesukim of tanach b’al peh.
4) Teach my daughter gemara.January 29, 2014 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #1010392
sorry sam. cant say.January 29, 2014 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #1010393popa_bar_abbaParticipant
What if you find out you’re Jewish, but just not frum. What would you do then?January 29, 2014 8:22 pm at 8:22 pm #1010394midwesternerParticipant
That line is alleged to have been said by. R Yaakov Drillman.January 29, 2014 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1010395
Best answer so far: gotbeer’sJanuary 29, 2014 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #1010396
I’d buy a pair of green pants with navy-blue whales on them.January 29, 2014 8:47 pm at 8:47 pm #1010397Veltz MeshugenerMember
PBA, you’re not going to believe it, but that is exactly what happened to me! What I did was, I criticized everyone else until I felt better.January 29, 2014 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #1010398hudiParticipant
Go to har habayisJanuary 29, 2014 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #10103992ND OPPINIONParticipant
Peek at birkat cohanim. I’m soooo curious…January 30, 2014 8:38 pm at 8:38 pm #1010400walton157Member
@everyone: If we found out that we aren’t Jewish non of the above would apply to us. So this whole thing is moot.January 31, 2014 12:40 am at 12:40 am #1010401Trust 789Member
I would cry.January 31, 2014 2:01 am at 2:01 am #1010402Torah613TorahParticipant
lol at VeltzJanuary 31, 2014 2:19 am at 2:19 am #1010403funnyboneParticipant
I’d go daven in a noisy shul and talk through the whole davening.January 31, 2014 4:12 pm at 4:12 pm #1010404singincherryMember
what a horrible thought.January 31, 2014 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #1010405
Funnybone is now tied for first with gotbeer.February 1, 2014 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #1010406✡onegoal™Participant
I would post on shabbos.February 1, 2014 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm #1010407Lost1970Member
>> What if you find out you’re Jewish, but just not frum.
>> What would you do then?
Coming from non — observant background it is very hard to give up most of worldly indulgences. Nevertheless, I do observe some commandments — I mostly observe Sabbath (do not use electricity, computer, do not write, do not use hot water). I observe most of kashrut and say some prayers.February 2, 2014 5:30 am at 5:30 am #1010408
Crying is acceptable for Jews but not a recommended recreational activity for everyone.February 3, 2014 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #1010409BaalHaboozeParticipant
eat bacon with my cholent,
keep TWO days purim,
and text on shabbosFebruary 3, 2014 4:00 pm at 4:00 pm #1010410popa_bar_abbaParticipant
What if you found out you were Joseph?February 3, 2014 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm #1010411Sam2Participant
PBA: I’d post inflammatory drivel on YWN.February 3, 2014 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #1010412rationalfrummieMember
I’d eat a cheeseburger with gid hanasheh meat cooked b’chaleiv imo with some camel meat wrapped in bacon on the side.
Also, I’d go to the beach, but I’m sure you kofrim already do that.February 3, 2014 6:50 pm at 6:50 pm #1010413WIYMember
“Also, I’d go to the beach, but I’m sure you kofrim already do that.”
Whoa buddy!!!February 3, 2014 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #1010414☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Eat strawberries.February 3, 2014 8:07 pm at 8:07 pm #1010415
Id get a blue ShirtFebruary 5, 2014 12:23 am at 12:23 am #1010417Charles ShortMember
@DaasYochid, stawberries not kosher?February 5, 2014 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #1010418
Strawberries are Kosher
The issue they are debating is the Bugs that infest the strawberries and what is required to get rid of them since the Bugs are not Kosher and How big or small the bugs are
(Bugs you can see with your naked eyes are not Kosher, Stuff Like Protozoa which require a microscope you dont need to worry about)February 5, 2014 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #1010419☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Zahavasdad, correct.February 5, 2014 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #1010420the-art-of-moiParticipant
I would be happy and sad at the same time cuz on one hand, my aveiros were never aveiiros, on the other, y mitzvis were never mitzvos.
Ultimately, I would be sad cuz i think i did enuf teshuvah for my past mistakes.February 5, 2014 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm #1010421squeakParticipant
I would start saying “sheasani kirtzoinoi” every morning. But I would probably pronounce it kirtzono.February 20, 2014 6:00 am at 6:00 am #1010422
You mean “sheasani goy”.March 31, 2014 5:16 am at 5:16 am #1010423I. M. ShluffinParticipant
Such horrible answers! How can you even entertain the idea?! I would cry, but I wouldn’t, cus I wouldn’t have time if I wanted to do a geirus within a minute.March 31, 2014 3:23 pm at 3:23 pm #1010424Bookworm120Participant
I don’t think I’d have the time to enjoy strawberries — I would attempt to start the conversion process ASAP!March 31, 2014 3:58 pm at 3:58 pm #1010425
If I found out such a thing, I know what Id do, Id keep a secret. I know people who were in such circumstances and they were all of a sudden treated very differently by the community, they were suddenly shunned and treated as person non grata and even after the problem was fixed, hurt feelings do not go away so easilyMarch 31, 2014 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #1010426ben_DavidParticipant
I wouldn’t believe it, my Jewfro can’t lie.March 31, 2014 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #1010427Rebbe YidParticipant
I would do teshuva for all the shabbosos I kept be’issur.March 31, 2014 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #1010428🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
I would probably wait a bit before converting, to make sure I’m not just doing it because I can’t imagine not being jewish. I’d want to be jewish because of the special kesher with Hashem, not just because I can’t imagine life any other way.April 1, 2014 1:18 am at 1:18 am #1010429questions101Member
Thank you I. M. Shluffin for changing the tone of the answers. These more recent answers a lot more acceptable.April 2, 2014 5:02 am at 5:02 am #1010430
wow and original. its good to know theres someone in the world thats making sure these answers are acceptable besides the mods.
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