I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • #612586

    noitallmr
    Participant

    Hey all, you’ll only remember me if your a real old timer on here!!

    Bh I got engaged and am curious to hear (from the married people here!!!) their top 3 tips for a great marriage!!!

    Fire away…………….

    #1013185

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    My advice is to be careful when listening to advice. Often people may “advise” you by speaking lashon hara about their spouses.

    #1013186

    seedys
    Participant

    Mazal Tov! Wonderful news.

    #1013187

    hodulashem
    Participant

    i thought u knew it all…

    jk! Mazel Tov! May you be zocheh to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel.

    Sorry, can’t help in the marriage department yet

    #1013188

    sm29
    Participant

    aish.com has some good marriage tips mazel tov 🙂

    #1013189

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Always greet him with a beer when he comes home from work.

    Always greet him with a beer when he comes home from shul.

    Always greet him with a beer when he comes home from the bar.

    #1013190

    oomis
    Participant

    MAZEL TOV!!!!!!! Always remember WHY you married each other, even when you might be annoyed about something (and everyone gets annoyed SOME time). Never take each other for granted, even when you ARE taking each other for granted (because that’s just what we do). Make time to “date” each other AFTER you are married, and especially after you BE”H have children.

    #1013191

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    mazal tov!

    tips

    communicate (you dont realize how much the other person cant read your mind)

    marraige is meant so you both should grow and part of that is realizing that youre not perfect and your spouse is working with you on your middos

    #1013192

    funnybone
    Participant

    Be close to your Rav and discuss all your shalom bayis issues with him.

    Remember, you will make up after a fight. Don’t let it get out of hand.

    Be nice to your in laws. Even if your spouse agrees that they have idiosyncrasies, most won’t appreciate your making fun (some do!).

    #1013193

    writersoul
    Member

    Absolutely no advice, but mazal tov!

    #1013194

    Makcklemore
    Member

    noiallmr, how old are you….if you don’t like me asking don’t answer. A marriage where the husband and wife ALWAYS get along is not a normal marriage

    #1013195

    Rebyid40
    Member

    Mazel tov!

    My advice about marriage is to avoid it at all costs-Stay single!

    #1013196

    charliehall
    Participant

    ” top 3 tips for a great marriage”

    Your spouse is always right.

    When a question of a difference of minhag or halachic ruling comes up, your spouse and your spouse’s rabbi always win.

    You can be right and get your way in arguments, or you can be married. You cannot be both.

    Good luck!

    #1013197

    yeshivaguy45
    Participant

    Mazel Tov!

    #1013198

    Mazal tov!

    First of all the cr isnt the best place to seek advice.

    You never know who you’re talking to… but since you asked:

    Remember that marriage is a commitment, you’re with this person for life, so you may as well get along. It can take a lot of hard work, but it is so worth it.

    Say nice things even when you’re not sire if you really mean it your spouse will live up to your verbal epectations, so make them positive.

    There will be challenges- either they can make you drift apart or bring you closer- its your choice.

    A great marriage doesnt happen by itself, it takes work.

    So two best tips for marriage is:

    1:work on yourself, your middos. That you shouldve started a while ago, but its never too late.

    2: keep the whole picture in mind before you say something or do something you might regret. At 80+ do you want to be that couple smiling at each other, or the one that cant even walk down the block together?

    One more thing, now you’re happy and exvited about yourffuture spouse but thereight come a time when you can chas vshalom think ” what was I thinking?”

    Know that no, there is absolutely no one better out there for you. Have eyes only for your spouse and you will be the happiest.

    Your marriage/ spousr should be your focus and priority.

    It’ll be very worth it.

    Wishing you many happy years together.

    #1013199

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    Mazel tov!!! You should be zoiche to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel with your bashert with lots of love, happiness and serenity be”h.

    My 2 cents:

    1) You are the luckiest person that you found YOUR bashert. NEVER take that for granted! You won the lottery and this bashert is the greatest and favorite person in your life. This person was designated for you by Hashem Himself, and together you will both grow and become great together if you put your minds to it.

    2) Be scrupulously honest to each other. Nothing undermines the basic foundation of your relationship as lying and dishonesty. Nothing.

    3)Yes it’s important to remember your bashert’s birthday, your anniversary, etc and all important dates on the calander. But don’t underestimate the little things. Every single day say ‘good morning’. Telling each other you love them, writing a little note reminding of your appreciation of your spouse. details, details, details.

    Marriage is hard work. But like everything in life, it’s about attitude. It can be ‘hard work’, or it can be viewed as ‘just a way of life’. Brochah, v’hatzlochah!

    L’chaim!

    #1013200

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Charliehall wrote: “When a question of a difference of minhag or halachic ruling comes up, your spouse and your spouse’s rabbi always win.”

    This is only true if your spouse is her own Rabbi. Otherwise we generally go by the husband’s minhagim and halachik rulings.

    #1013201

    Think first
    Member

    Mazazl tov.

    My advice is to listen to the advice that your spouse gives you, I mean the subtle an not so subtle things they tell you means something to them or bothers them and , remember it, use it.

    Second, anytime you have a disagreement ( and you will disagree, because you come from two different worlds) remember not to escalate it into a fight. No argument needs to become a fight, but every argument can easily turn into a fight, how? By saying insensitive things. Think first,( the inspiration of my user name) will this bother me in two minutes in two days or two weeks? Is it worth getting argumentive over? Even the most hot topics can be discussed and sometimes argued in a civil way. As long as you don’t say something you’ll regret you’ll make up easily it’s a matter of time.

    Last , you can never say a compliment too many times. It’s the glue the binds a happy marriage pour it on. Every day all the time.

    #1013202

    Davar Katan
    Member

    GOOD CHULENT IS THE KEY TO A GOOD MARRIAGE.

    -Mahatma Ghandi

    #1013203

    I concur with DK ,good chulent insures that the chance of an argument between you and your spouse will drastically reduce. why, because you will spend 24/2 in the bathroom and the rest of the week you are working so the only time to get into a long lomdishe argument is shabbos day and sunday! NOTE THIS A JOKE PLEASE DONT GET OFFENDED IF IT WAS A BAD JOKE OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON! one should never get into an argument with their spouse i am NOT supporting arguing with your wife!

    #1013204

    yossi z.
    Member

    Mazal tov!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems like the old timers are coming back for all the good news!!!! (including myself (did I really just say that? Oops) Thank you so much noitallmr for including us in your simcha!!!!! May you both be zoche to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisrael, binyan adei ad, dorei yesharim umevorach!!!!!

    As for advice, I am not comfortable offering any as I am currently in the same boat as you 😉

    #1013205

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Mazel tov Yossi Z! all are waiting for the new thread!

    #1013206

    Trust 789
    Member

    This is only true if your spouse is her own Rabbi. Otherwise we generally go by the husband’s minhagim and halachik rulings.

    We go by the husband’s minhagim. Not his halachik rulings (unless he is his own rabbi!!)

    #1013207

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    We go by the husband’s minhagim. Not his halachik rulings (unless he is his own rabbi!!)

    “Halachik rulings” doesn’t have to refer to rulings he issues, it could refer to ones he received.

    #1013208

    kapusta
    Participant

    Do I count as an old timer? Mazal tov noitall and yossi z 🙂

    I’m not sure I qualify as far as advice, but I’d have to say just being conscious of him/her, like offering a cold drink when s/he comes home and allllways showing appreciation. A little thank you goes a long way, as does a simple inexpensive gift and small things amount to a big deal.

    *kapusta*

    #1013209

    yossi z.
    Member

    Kapusta, you were here when I first came on so as far as I’m concerned you’re ancient though I think I’m actually older than you in real life lol

    #1013210

    1st timer
    Participant

    Mazal Tov! Hopefully nothing will, but if something doesn’t feel right then discuss it with someone like a parent or kallah teacher. Guys should know this too. You can’t ask too many questions. Speak to your chosson rebbe if you have questions or issues. Many times you will have differences of opinions, discuss things together if u can but if you’re not sure then ask someone. Always daven.

    #1013212

    noitallmr
    Participant

    Thanks so much to everyone for their invaluable advice!! I really havent been on here for decades but I remembered two good old names from the past…kapusta & Yossi z!!! Wow, memories!!!

    And thanks to all newbies for their good wishes!!!!

    #1013213

    FIRStly MAZEL TOV!

    It will be tough at times.. and it will get better!

    May you and your hubby ( to be) live a happy life together til 120

    #1013214

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Too many compliments make you sound stupid.

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