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In honor of Yom Kippur, let’s make fun of people who don’t keep the mitzvos. In this way we will emulate R’ Akiva ?’ ????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????
I will start.
You know the women’s minyanim who want to lein, but they want to pretend they care about halacha, so they don’t say birchas hatorah in the morning so they can say it when they are “called up”.
So I decided I want to bring korbanos. But there is no beis hamikdash, and I’m not a kohen. So what I do, is that I make shevuos and nedarim, and basically create for myself all the halachos. Like I’ll take a sheep every day, and swear I must bring it with all the halachos of a tamid. I leave out the ones I can’t do, like I say I am allowed to be tamei. On shabbos, I have my goyish neighbor do it for me, since I can’t shecht.
Anyway, my problem is that this morning during pesukei d’zimrah, I was making my korban todah like I always do, and I forgot that we don’t bring a todah today.
But I already made it. And I said it would be piggul if I don’t eat it before the end of the zman. And it is too much to eat, and I make it so only I can eat it because I know other people think it’s a joke.
So can I eat it on yom kippur?
(This is me doing teshuva before yom kippur for the serious thread I made on tisha b’av.)
Since your neder is that is basically “all the halachos of a toda chutz m’makom, tuma, v’zar” that includes letting everyone else eat. Fire up the grill.
Popa,
on yom kippur we have a din of malachim which is why we say boruch shem loud. If a malach pretends to eat, as the malachim who visited Avraham Avinu did, it probably doesn’t have a din of achila. Better eat it up today.
btw, why didn’t you reveal this custom of yours on the Chicago thread? It would have been much easier for them to look out for a guy who shechts a todah during pesukei d’zimra than to look for someone hanging out at Starbucks.
Roftl. You people are nuts.
You were masneh al mah shekasuv batorah. You know the rest.
Have a good fast 😉
Oy, then all your past nedarim and shevuos were not mikkayim the todah. You better start making proper tanayyim going forward.
Where is that story is there anything that would be Battul because of Masneh Al Ma Shekasuv Batorah.
PBA- is this in honor of (Yom Haki..)..Purim?
PBA: You were Yotzei before this. Although if that was really your intention then this would be an Aveirah Lishmah and not count.
Why can’t you just have the Goy be Makdish it as a real Korban, and then be Makriv it for your Kappara?
I’m machmir to not say anything in vidui that I didn’t do
Does that go for the al chaits too? I’m having this picture in my head of you running around to rabbonim being mezalzel them for the sake of your chumra.
You know thats not the only.al chait…..
How do you manage to do “b’timhon levav” if you’re always doing everything on purpose?
What about neshech v’tarbis. It must be hard to get all the hiddurim in for someone who knows the halachos as well as you do.
And translate tarbis as rabies?
Maybe if you bite where you already bit, that can’t be called Neshech, so that it Tarbis.
The only one I have trouble with is b’phlillus
😉
Except i dont think you can make piggul al tnay. Its the actual machshava that passuls, so even if you want a tnay, you still had the machshava. look in pesavchim samech gimmel aumd aleph in tosofos and in shu’t achiezer chelek beis siman 34 (?)
There is no piggul on a bama anyway, see Rambam Hilchos maasei hakorbanos (perek alef I think, wherever he talks about bamos. I don’t chazer enough. So sue me.)
I think we pasken that ???? ???? ????? ?? ????? ?? ??? ???? which would mean that your bama is makdish, there is just no din of piggul and your funky nedarim are masneh al mah shekasuv b’torah.
we paskin lo mihanee. by korban pesach that you shecht al hachometz- R’ Akiva eiger on the rambam and the shaar hameleh deal with the issue. A”S.
pba- fine.
1- Tough
2- Why should it be worse than nazir where if a person says “i will not cut my hair or drink wine but i am not a nazir and can become tamei” he is a nazir? (Rambam hilchos nezirus perek beis)
The power of a Neder is only to Assur you from Hana’a if you are Oiver on the T’nay. So, just don’t bring your Korban when you are not allowed to, and then Yir’eh Ad Sheyisto’av.
If you made a Shevua that you’ll be mock-Makriv it then Ein Shvua Chal Ashvua.
I just don’t understand how you get spiritual inspriration from being Mekayem your Nedarim and Shvuoas. After all, Tov Asher Lo Tidor. But if a Goy does it, he can bring a real Korban.
My only Shaala is if a Goy being Makriv a Korban in Chutz La’aretz for the Kappara of a Yid, does it help? What if it is a Mum that is Kosher for them and not for us? What if it is a bird other than Tor or Bnei Yona?
Halevi- a goy, when bringing a korbanm on behalf of a yid, is not considered the mayvee of the korban, which means either its for him or he gives it to the yid.
itch- please quote which perek and halachah.
The only really problem you might have is that a Shechita that appears to belong to a sacrifice is Assur. That’s why we don’t Shecht on a roof or a hole.
Toi: Sorry, I don’t look things up before I post especially when the thread isn’t serious anyway.
Popa: I was talking about halacha 9:
????? ????? ???? ?? ??????? ????, ?? ?? ?????? ????, ?? ????? ???? ?? ??????, ?? ????? ???? ?? ?????? ????–??? ?? ???? ????, ??? ?????? ?????? ????: ?? ?? ?? ??? ??? ????? ?????, ??? ???? ?? ????, ????? ???? ???? ???? ???? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ????. [?] ??? ????? ????? ???? ?? ????????, ?? ?? ??????, ?????? ???–??? ?? ???? ???, ????? ????
(pasted from mechon mamre. The breaks between halachos are according to the kisvei yad, not the standard vilna edition so you might have a hard time finding it.)
Not only can you make such a Neder but it is actually the prime Neder, since you are Tofes Bidavar Hanadur.
I wasn’t responding to it, I was adding to it. Every Neder has to be based on a Davar Hanadur. If you only say it is Assur to you we assume you meant, like a Korban, and it is Chal. In your example we don’t have to assume anything. It is the original and perfect Neder.
Real vnahafoch hu! Jesting before yom kippur and now serious halachic debate before purim! But its a great thread.
I especially loved ItcheSrulik’s “There is no piggul on a bama anyway… I dont chazer enough”… ☺
Itch- big mistake. the gemara in nazir there is mifurash that the pshat why this is a kabalas nizerus is from a gzeiras hakasuv. a’s.
popa: No he isn’t. The word nazir means “I am warned off” as we see later in the same halacha where the guy “nazirs” himself from dried figs. If he said “hareini nazir lchartzanim bilvad” you would have a point. (Not my own diyyuk. Comes from a rov who learns in MTJ).
HaLeivi: We don’t shecht on a roof (with exceptions) because things that look like idolatrous sacrifices become assur. This isn’t idolatrous, though it probably is sacrilegious 😛
popa: daf please? I never learned nazir, I only have this from Rambam. I was responding to your statement that “If he would have just said “Grapes are assur to me b’toras neder, in the same way that nezirim cannot eat them” he would not be a nazir. “
shticky guy: I didn’t even notice that. 🙂
He’s talking about the Mishna on 3b.
What looks more like a sacrifice than a sacrifice? And ir sure looks like it is for Avoda Zara, especially since he is expressly saying that he is not being Makriv it to Hashem. To whom or for what are you doing Zrika, Hanafa and Haktara?
It can be Baal Tashchis too, in the case of the Ola look-alike. In the Shlamim you wouldn’t be eating those parts, anyhow.
The Gemara gimmel amud beiz is mifurash that you can make a kabalas nizeerus by using the lashon of nazir from one of the minim which are assur to a nazir.
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