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    what does everyone think about going to inlaws for yom tov? its almost an OBLIGATION to go, even if its out of town and a long drive. What if i want to spend yom tov home with the kids? I wish I had a choice


    I wish I had a choice

    You DO have a choice. Why do you think you don’t?

    The Wolf

    always here

    you DO have a choice. We have 2 newlywed children & during the past year they chose to come, or split up the days, or didn’t even come. no pressure/open invitation to all 4 of our children, their spouses, & their kiddies. that’s not to say that we didn’t want them to come, of course! my daughter & son-in-law come Shabbosim when they want, & tell us how pressured they feel by being ‘guilt-tripped’ into going to the in-laws.


    you must be a man,cause most ladies dont mind being invited and no need for cooking and prepare for Yom Tov.

    1. Why is it so bad to go?

    2. If you dont want, why do you feel an obligation?

    3. Would you be happy to invite them, or you want a quite Yom Tov?

    Just to let you know, many friends who are married to a large family, and in laws are tired of preparing a hugh YomTov would love to be invited, but dont have the option. If you feel you want some quite time with wife and kids, I totally udnerstand. You can! would be nice if you help wife with preparation more than you usually do, since its a lot of additioanl work and stress for her to do it at home. Have a great Yom Tov!


    nolashonhora – You do have a choice, You stated that you want to spend Yom Tov home with the kids, Don’t forget that your In Laws also want to spend yom tov with their kids, and grandchildren!


    NLH – if you are a newlywed, you are right, it’s expected. But if not, simply tell the families on both sides that you made other plans this year. Unless they are very elderly, have no other kids or friends and will be utterly alone, there is no reason why you cannot spend yom tov in your own home. Is there room for compromise, like coming the first days, but not the last, or vice versa?

    kavod hatorah

    its the right thing to spend yom tov wiyh family unless you want to spend it in yeshiva

    doodle jump

    Family is the most important thing. If you get along, then what is the question? Kids will benefit from being with their grandparents. You do have to prepare yourself mentally. It’s not going to be your house and maybe other siblings and their mishpacha will be there. So: be flexible, smile, offer to help, smile,

    watch your children and pick up after them, smile. Clear the table, smile. It is not a vacation. It is a Yom tov. Everyone should have a laid back attitude. Enjoy the family. This is what it’s all about.


    I wanted to add, I would give almost ANYTHING to be able to spend just one more yom tov with my parents (my in-laws were not frum, so we reserved the chol hamoed part for visits with them). My parents died 17 years ago (within a couple of months of each oterh), and my children really lost out as a result, not growing up with Bubby and Zaydie. Parents are not around forever. Don’t let this be an issue. Try to find a compromise. Maybe invite THEM to YOU.

    always here

    Oomis~ once again, I hear you, & I feel you. {{hugs}}


    You always have a choice and so do your parents and in-laws. At the beginning of marriage kids go back to their parents for yomim tovim and parents love to have them, but as parents age, don’t kid yourselves it gets harder for them. Why not invite your in-laws to you if you are ready to stay home? WE did it when we bought our own home and were ready to make Yom Tov on our own. We did not want to miss out on their company or cheat the kids of not having their grandparents at the seder table. Once I and my siblings were at this point, my parents took turns going from one of us to the other. Now it is MY turn, we now go to our kids for Yomim Tovim.

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