Inglish – as She is spoken around the world

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  • #600312
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Hotel lobby, Bucharest:

    THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

    Hotel lift, Paris:

    PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

    Hotel, Athens:

    VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND

    11 AM DAILY.

    Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:

    LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.

    Tailor shop, Rhodes:

    ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

    In an East African newspaper:

    A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

    Hotel, Vienna:

    IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

    An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

    TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

    Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:

    TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

    In the window on a Swedish furrier:

    FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:

    STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.

    Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

    WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

    IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

    Cocktail lounge, Norway:

    LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

    At a Budapest zoo:

    PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

    Doctor’s office, Rome:

    SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

    Car rental brochure, Tokyo:

    WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

    Private school:

    NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

    Resaurant, Nairobi:

    CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

    River highway:

    TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

    Automatic hand dryer in public lavatory:

    DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

    Maternity ward:

    NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

    #823319
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    There are lots more of these around. I got an email a while back with some. Does anybody have any more to add?

    #823320
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Priceless! lol

    #823321
    m in Israel
    Member

    I’ve seen some of these before, but some are new to me, and I think they’re really funny!

    There was a similar type of thread a while back with similar mistakes when trying to speak Hebrew which also had some good lines.

    #823322
    adorable
    Participant

    this is hysterical!!!!!!!

    #823323
    #823324
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Yay, new ones! These are really funny! 😀

    #823325
    kapusta
    Participant

    Travel agency in Barcelona: (IIRC)

    Go away!

    *kapusta*

    #823326
    cv
    Participant

    Shticky Guy

    “Hotel lobby, Bucharest:

    THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE”… etc.

    ***

    Can YOU say this in Romanian/Japanese/Chinese/ French or any other language?

    What make you think in every country people MUST to know English on the same level as their native language?

    They make these “funny” notes, because tourists from America do not speak/read/write language of the countries they visiting.

    In BP you can find a lot of posters in Yiddish and if you are not able to read it – it is your loss.

    In Paris they translate notes for YOU in broken English and this make you laugh – learn French and read original notes without translation.

    If you can, please excuse my English, it is not my first and not my second language.

    #823327
    mustangrider
    Member

    thanks shticky guy!!!! you had me literally laughing like a lunatic!!!! 😀

    my personal favs:

    “Tailor shop, Rhodes:

    ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.”

    “In the window on a Swedish furrier:

    FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.”

    #823328
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    cv- goo point.

    i was still cracking up from

    “WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.”

    LOL tootle!! 😀 😀

    #823329
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Hopefully no one will mind a reference to Abbott and Costello.

    Upon winning dozens of roller skates in a contest and not knowing what to do with them, Bud Abbott suggested to Lou Costello that he go out and sell them so they would have money for the rent.

    So there is Lou Costello, pulling a wagon loaded with roller skates….and a sign reading, “Abbott and Costello, Cheap Skates.”

    #823330
    Yaacov
    Member

    I see this all over New York:

    “Slow Children

    At Play”

    #823331
    Yaacov
    Member

    on a bottle of cleaning product:

    “BEFORE USING, READ DIRECTIONS, CAUTIONS, AND WARNINGS CAREFULLY”

    “If you do not understand, or cannot read all directions, cautions, and warnings, DO NOT use this product.”

    #823332

    In Bnei Brak on the store sign of a take home food/restaurant they post

    FOOD TO TAKE AWAY

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