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How do folks interact when they run into an ex-family members (i.e. ex-parent-in-laws, ex-brother/sister-in-laws, ex-cousins, etc.) Do you acknowledge their presence anymore than you would a random Yid you passed by in the street? Do you have a cordial conversation with them? Quick or somewhat longer? Do you ask about family?
Does anyone maintain regular contact with ex-family (other than their ex-spouse)?
And what of the ex-spouse?
Hi avhaben.
Great question, since it can be uncomfortable for the person passing by ex-relatives, or there can be loyalties involved, etc., depending on the situation.
BUT…after reading the book, The Power of Hello this past week, I would say greet them with a smile and a friendly hello.
The book was very interesting and a very easy read.
I have a nice relationship with my ex- in laws. they live out of town. We e-mail or talk a few times during the year. It’s not their fault…
morah reyna -“I have a nice relationship with my ex- in laws. they live out of town. We e-mail or talk a few times during the year. It’s not their fault…”
So whose fault is it – yours or his? (:0
Interestingly enough this happened to me about a half an hour ago. I ran in to my soon to be former sister-in-law and her husband. He was very nice and cordial, she wouldn’t even look my way. Shame of it is, My ex and i were their shadchanim and now I feel bad for him because without doubt she will end up with the same family caused problems as her sister.
Treat them as well as you would treat any Yid you know.
Ha how about if when you talk to your ex’s family THEY are the ones asking you to come back? How do you deal with that??
Then seriously consider going back. Remarrying your ex is a special mitzvah!
its seriously not in the question. without going into details i wish it was possible but sometimes its not…
I know someone who was given a Pesak from his Rosh Yeshiva not to touch base with his ex-nor with his out-laws prior to Tzom-Kippur to seek Mechiloh, as this would cause more animosity, than solve & create Sholom.
I believe one should always be cordial to everyone. Unless you have reason to intensely dislike them and feel the need to ignore them, if they were good to you when you were still married, you can be respectful and courteous, if not warm and friendly. Sometimes you divorce a spouse, but the in-laws still care for you.
Extending a brief, friendly greeting can be awkward for a few seconds at most. Ignoring someone, or pretending you don’t see them, takes a lot more effort.
It makes the kids very happy when their mother’s family acknowledges, and respects their father, and vice versa. Especially when they’re old enough to understand the complexity of the situation. When the siblings/grandparent disrespect the estranged spouse, it makes the kids uncomfortable and confused if not hurt. Respect you’re sister/brother’s ex. Invite them to your simcha; they’re your nephew’s father/mother. It makes them feel proud of their parent and not the opposite Ch”v.
Health- lets keep questions asked here within the realm of normal conversation.
I’ve met an ex family member and we talked a bit. I did notice he was uncomgortabe talking to me so I cut it short.
Ex spouse: I wouldn’t acknowledge their presence . She don’t want to talk to me neither do I want to talk to her so what’s the point?
Toi -“Health- lets keep questions asked here within the realm of normal conversation.”
That question was based on her post. Perhaps you should read all the posts before commenting.
I think that this question is to general.
It really depends on the story behind the family becoming an ex family.
There is absolutely no reason to treat ex family, whether in-laws, cousins, or ex-spouse, any less friendly than you would treat anyone else you know.
Its definitely important to be cordial. I always make a point of being nice and keeping in touch once in a while. After all in the end of the day they are still my children’s family – and it can only be good for them to be in touch with them. Sometimes its worth it to lower your ego a bit for your kids sake. It doesn’t mean you have to go out of your way for them especially if they dont or didn’t treat you right, but being a mench is important in all area’s of life…
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