Interacting With Ex-Family Members
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- This topic has 18 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by Song of Blessing.
April 16, 2012 1:56 pm at 1:56 pm #602935avhabenParticipant
How do folks interact when they run into an ex-family members (i.e. ex-parent-in-laws, ex-brother/sister-in-laws, ex-cousins, etc.) Do you acknowledge their presence anymore than you would a random Yid you passed by in the street? Do you have a cordial conversation with them? Quick or somewhat longer? Do you ask about family?
Does anyone maintain regular contact with ex-family (other than their ex-spouse)?
And what of the ex-spouse?April 16, 2012 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #882325BTGuyParticipant
Great question, since it can be uncomfortable for the person passing by ex-relatives, or there can be loyalties involved, etc., depending on the situation.
BUT…after reading the book, The Power of Hello this past week, I would say greet them with a smile and a friendly hello.
The book was very interesting and a very easy read.April 16, 2012 2:41 pm at 2:41 pm #882326morah reynaMember
I have a nice relationship with my ex- in laws. they live out of town. We e-mail or talk a few times during the year. It’s not their fault…April 16, 2012 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #882327HealthParticipant
morah reyna -“I have a nice relationship with my ex- in laws. they live out of town. We e-mail or talk a few times during the year. It’s not their fault…”
So whose fault is it – yours or his? (:0April 16, 2012 7:34 pm at 7:34 pm #882328BowwowParticipant
Interestingly enough this happened to me about a half an hour ago. I ran in to my soon to be former sister-in-law and her husband. He was very nice and cordial, she wouldn’t even look my way. Shame of it is, My ex and i were their shadchanim and now I feel bad for him because without doubt she will end up with the same family caused problems as her sister.April 17, 2012 2:28 am at 2:28 am #882329PatriMember
Treat them as well as you would treat any Yid you know.July 2, 2012 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #882330
Ha how about if when you talk to your ex’s family THEY are the ones asking you to come back? How do you deal with that??July 3, 2012 12:57 am at 12:57 am #882331shmoelMember
Then seriously consider going back. Remarrying your ex is a special mitzvah!July 3, 2012 1:19 am at 1:19 am #882332
its seriously not in the question. without going into details i wish it was possible but sometimes its not…July 3, 2012 3:01 am at 3:01 am #882333147Participant
I know someone who was given a Pesak from his Rosh Yeshiva not to touch base with his ex-nor with his out-laws prior to Tzom-Kippur to seek Mechiloh, as this would cause more animosity, than solve & create Sholom.July 3, 2012 3:07 am at 3:07 am #882334oomisParticipant
I believe one should always be cordial to everyone. Unless you have reason to intensely dislike them and feel the need to ignore them, if they were good to you when you were still married, you can be respectful and courteous, if not warm and friendly. Sometimes you divorce a spouse, but the in-laws still care for you.July 3, 2012 3:28 am at 3:28 am #882335farrockgrandmaParticipant
Extending a brief, friendly greeting can be awkward for a few seconds at most. Ignoring someone, or pretending you don’t see them, takes a lot more effort.July 3, 2012 3:41 am at 3:41 am #882336NahapochuMember
It makes the kids very happy when their mother’s family acknowledges, and respects their father, and vice versa. Especially when they’re old enough to understand the complexity of the situation. When the siblings/grandparent disrespect the estranged spouse, it makes the kids uncomfortable and confused if not hurt. Respect you’re sister/brother’s ex. Invite them to your simcha; they’re your nephew’s father/mother. It makes them feel proud of their parent and not the opposite Ch”v.July 3, 2012 5:21 am at 5:21 am #882337ToiParticipant
Health- lets keep questions asked here within the realm of normal conversation.July 3, 2012 5:46 am at 5:46 am #882338Think firstMember
I’ve met an ex family member and we talked a bit. I did notice he was uncomgortabe talking to me so I cut it short.
Ex spouse: I wouldn’t acknowledge their presence . She don’t want to talk to me neither do I want to talk to her so what’s the point?July 3, 2012 7:13 am at 7:13 am #882339HealthParticipant
Toi -“Health- lets keep questions asked here within the realm of normal conversation.”
That question was based on her post. Perhaps you should read all the posts before commenting.July 3, 2012 3:36 pm at 3:36 pm #8823402scentsParticipant
I think that this question is to general.
It really depends on the story behind the family becoming an ex family.July 4, 2012 1:21 pm at 1:21 pm #882341susheeMember
There is absolutely no reason to treat ex family, whether in-laws, cousins, or ex-spouse, any less friendly than you would treat anyone else you know.July 5, 2012 5:04 am at 5:04 am #882342
Its definitely important to be cordial. I always make a point of being nice and keeping in touch once in a while. After all in the end of the day they are still my children’s family – and it can only be good for them to be in touch with them. Sometimes its worth it to lower your ego a bit for your kids sake. It doesn’t mean you have to go out of your way for them especially if they dont or didn’t treat you right, but being a mench is important in all area’s of life…
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