Irish-Man Only Jokes… Havalaugh

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  • #602102

    Baloochi
    Participant

    Why did the Irish man die while drinking milk?

    Because the cow sat down…

    Paddy orders himself a pizza the guy at the counter asks him, ”Would you like your pizza cut in 6 or 8 slices?”

    Paddy replies, ”6 as i can’t possiably eat 8!”

    I asked Paddy ”why are you putting an empty bottle of milk in the fridge?”

    He replied: ”Some people like their coffee black!”

    #862624

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    hehe

    #862625

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I don’t get the last one.

    #862626

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Sorry i find these jokes to be offensive. How would u feel if there was an irish website that displayed jewish jokes?

    #862627

    more
    Member

    Goq, you most definitely have a point overhere.

    maybe you should post some jewish jokes over there…LOl;p!!

    #862628

    theObvious
    Member

    oneofmany- black coffee doesnt need milk….. please say you get it now….!

    #862629

    2qwerty
    Participant

    Goq, in this case i totally agree with you. I knew you would speak up about something like this.

    Mods? Is anyone reading the content before it gets posted?

    Trollala?!?

    #862630

    ‘Paddy, can you play the piano?’

    Paddy: ‘I don’t know, I’ve never tried’

    #862631

    mobico
    Participant

    *shrug*. And I find the hundreds of jokes that denigrate marriage in the other thread to be highly offensive. And some will find the many jokes that make fun of women, blonds, etc. offensive. There are precious few jokes around that nobody would find offensive.

    #862632

    Baloochi
    Participant

    I happen to be Irish and Proud. I’m always ready for a good laugh, Jewish/Irish Any jokes are great. (I just want to stock up on some Irish ones)

    #862633

    MDG
    Participant

    It seems to me that every culture must have it’s dumb person jokes.

    I agree with Goq. I think it’s best that we not be offensive to anyone.

    #862634

    TheGoq
    Participant

    The fact that the op is Irish is of little importance, I think we with our history of being the most persecuted nation in history we should be extra sensitive in how we speak of other nations, when i look back at american history from the 50s and 60s it makes me proud that so many of the people leading the charge in the civil rights movement were jewish they marched with them and protested a few of them lost their lives fighting for the rights of another persecuted nation.

    #862635

    skiaddict
    Member

    Everyone makes jokes about the irish, no one really thinks their dumb, its just the way its done, no one takes offence.

    #862636

    rocker
    Member

    crazybrit: you should have some irish jokes……!!!

    #862637

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Nope, still don’t get it.

    #862638

    bpt
    Participant

    ” Sorry i find these jokes to be offensive. “

    I agree. This has no place in the CR. It should be removed.

    #862639

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    baloochi: good jokes, I don’t know what some peoples issues are with good jokes?

    another,

    Paddy’s walking down the road shlepping a wardrobe, Shamus asks him: why don’t you get Murphy to help you? paddy answers: he’s inside carrying the clothes!

    #862640

    Imanonov
    Participant

    Paddy is standing on a ladder painting the ceiling.

    Murphey asked him: “Paddy, are you holding tight onto the brush?”

    Paddy: “Yes, why?”

    Murphey: “Then I can take the ladder away for a few minutes”!

    #862641

    Baloochi
    Participant

    Eventually after all the political banter…

    We are back on track…

    BRING ON THE JOKES…

    #862642

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Hey, can you explain that last one to me? I’m kind of curious…

    #862643

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Baloochi its not banter its called treating others as you would like to be treated, respect is a two way street if we do nothing but mock and insult the gentiles why should we expect them to treat us with any respect?

    #862644

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Goq – Who’s insulting gentiles? Who told you Paddy isn’t Jewish?

    #862645

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    OneOfMany – lol, what are you so perplexed about?

    #862646

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I think I’m missing something…is there something with Irish people and milk or is it just trying to show that Irish people are dumb?

    #862647

    TheGoq
    Participant

    yitay 99.9 percent of irish men are gentile believe what you want.

    #862648

    Horrified
    Participant

    According to the census of 2006, there are 1,930 Jews in the Republic of Ireland. (1,581 in 1991 and 1,790 in 2002).

    thanks to wikipedia for this info.

    #862649

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Goq, I sort of agree with you. But I also think that anything inherently insulting in this type of joke is obviated by the fact that you can usually substitute the nationality/race/sex/whatever in question with anything else and it will be the exact same joke. For instance, I’ve heard the OP’s #2 before as a blonde joke. Same goes for yo’ mama jokes.

    #862650

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    I don’t think it shows they are dumb. This is a certain kind of corny humor which simply needs a protagonist, and is intended good naturedly. I do hear Goq’s point that it might, perhaps, in some way, seem as though we are denigrating gentiles. So let’s use Rosh Yeshivas instead, because Rosh Yeshivas often say really corny things.

    This is a true story: My Rosh Yeshiva was once pulled over for going the wrong way down a one-way street. When the cop said to him “You know this is a one-way street sir, don’t you?” he replied, in all innocence, “but sir, I was only going one way!”

    #862651

    Doswin
    Member

    yitay: Perhaps OOM is Irish.

    #862652

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Heh heh. Perhaps.

    #862653

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I’m not. I’m Polish, actually. 🙂

    #862654

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I don’t have a problem with it showing that they are dumb, and I don’t think it’s done in ill-humor at all. I’m not coming from the politically correct perspective. I just think that plug-in-a-subject-and-tack-on-a-corny-punchline jokes just lose their inherent humor. Your Rosh Yeshiva joke is funny, though (I guess by the same token). 🙂

    (Of course, this all has nothing to do with the fact that I still don’t get the joke.)

    #862655

    commonsense
    Participant

    oneofmany, black coffee does not require milk so someone who drinks black coffee could use an empty milk container for their coffee… really not worth the explanation.

    #862656

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    I think OneOfMany gets it and she’s having a good laugh on the other side of the screen at all of us trying to explain it.

    #862657

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I understand that.

    #862658

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    No no no, I really don’t get it. I’m actually trying to figure out if there’s something funny with Irish people and dairy products that I don’t know about. (Is that it?)

    #862659

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Lol 🙂

    #862660

    Baloochi
    Participant

    What does it say at the bottom of a Jewish-Irish-man’s pool?

    No Smoking…

    what does it say on a Jewish-Irish-man’s box of matches?

    ”Ready Tested”…

    Paddy drags a huge box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. ‘Where did you get this?’ asks the expert. ‘It’s been in my loft for 40 years,’ replies Paddy, ‘and I think it must be some kind of family heirloom.’ ‘I see,’ says the expert. ‘Tell me, do you have insurance?’ ‘No,’ replies Paddy. ‘Do you think I should?’ ‘Yeah,’ replies the expert. ‘It’s your water tank!’

    #862662

    MDG
    Participant

    Baloochi,

    As an Irish Jew, do you buy your whiskey on sale?

    #862664

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Or was it only coincidence that that the first three jokes all revolved around dairy products and I’m really reading too much into this aren’t I.

    #862665

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    BALOOCHI, change it to JEW/IRISH/GEORDIE/TROLL/PAKI/POLISHER ETC.

    just to keep everyone happy!

    #862666

    Baloochi
    Participant

    Paddy says to Mick, “I’m getting circumcised tomorrow!” Mick says, “I had that done when I was a few days old.” Paddy asks “Does it hurt?” Mick says,” Well, to be honest, I couldn’t walk for 18 months!”

    #862667

    essy8
    Member

    @ yitayningwut: i like the rosh yeshiva story!

    r’ m. nissel has a similar story – he’s british and he got pulled over in the states for going down a one-way the wrong way. he told the cop “so sorry, i’m from england. we drive on the opposite side of the road.” he says the cop looked confused and just mumbled that he should be more careful in the future.

    #862668

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    A man is driving along in the Irish

    countryside, when he comes to a petrol

    station, since he’s in need of petrol, the

    man decides to stop. He says to the

    attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will

    you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re

    right out of petrol.” So the man

    considers, and says “Well, I’m a bit low

    on oil, would you mind topping that

    up?” And the attendant

    responds”Sorry, but no oil either.” The

    man thinks, and asks the attendant to

    wash his windscreen, to which he gets

    the by-now predictable response that

    he can’t do that. The man at this point

    is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant

    “Just what kind of petrol station is

    this ?” The attendant then looks both

    ways, and very carefully whispers to

    the man “To tell you the truth, this is

    just an IRA front.”

    The man then says “Well, in that case,

    you can blow up the tyres !”

    #862669

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    “Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub,

    “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.”

    “Before you start,” said the big bloke in

    the corner, “, I’m Irish.”

    “Don’t worry,” said the newcomer, “I’ll

    tell them slowly.”

    #862670

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Two Irishmen were sitting in a four

    engined plane flying back from a

    shopping trip to Paris when the

    captains voice came over the

    loudspeaker. “Ladies and Gentlemen,

    one of the engines appears to have

    failed. There’s nothing to worry about

    but we will be 15 minutes late in

    landing at Gatwick.”

    Five minutes later he said, “Nothing to

    worry about, ladies and Gentlemen,

    but one of the other engines has failed,

    and we will now be an hour late.”

    A moment later, “Er…sorry about this

    ladies and gentlemen, but the third

    engine has also given up the ghost and

    we will now be two hours later than

    expected.”

    One of the Irishmen tapped his friend

    on the shoulder. “Good heavens,

    Patrick, do you realise that if the other

    engine fails, we’ll be here all night ?”

    #862671

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Gallagher opened the morning

    newspaper and was dumbfounded to

    read in the obituary column that he

    had died. He quickly phoned his best

    friend Finney.

    “Did you see the paper?” asked

    Gallagher. “They say I died!!”

    “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where

    are you callin’ from?”

    #862672

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Higgins lived in Staten Island, New

    York, and worked in Manhattan. He

    had to take the ferryboat home every

    night. One evening, he got down to the

    ferry and found there was a wait for

    the next boat, So Higgins decided to

    stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he

    was feeling no pain.

    When he got back to the ferry slip, the

    ferryboat was just eight feet from the

    dock. Higgins, afraid of missing this one

    and being late for dinner, took a

    running leap and landed right on the

    deck of the boat.

    “How did you like that jump, buddy?”

    said a proud Higgins to a deck hand.

    “It was great,” said the sailor. “But why

    didn’t you wait? We were just pulling

    in!”

    #862673

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast

    for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday

    evening he was found in tree by a

    farmer. What happened said the

    farmer, Liam replied, that his

    parachute failed to open, well said the

    farmer if you had of asked the locals

    before you jumped, they would have

    told you nothing opens here on a

    Sunday.

    #862674

    ED IT OR
    Participant

    An English man and an Irish man are

    driving head on , at night, on a twisty,

    dark road. Both are driving to fast for

    the conditions and collide on a sharp

    bend in the road. To the amazement of

    both, they are unscathed, though their

    cars are both destroyed. In celebration

    of their luck, both agree to put aside

    their dislike for the other from that

    moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12

    year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He

    hands the bottle to the Irish man,

    whom exclaims,” may the English and

    the Irish live together forever, in peace,

    and harmony.” The Irish man then

    tips the bottle and lashes half of it

    down. Still flabbergasted over the

    whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle

    to the Englishman, whom replies: ” no

    thanks, I’ll just wait till the police get

    here!”

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