is cr allowed
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Tagged: gender, is coffeeroom muttar
- This topic has 49 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 12 months ago by Health.
March 31, 2011 4:00 am at 4:00 am #596026
isn’t it considered talking to men if we are technically talking to each other-(Typing) i think it’s a little weird.* maybe there should be a female thread and a male thread. 🙂
or maybe it’ permitted because we don’t know who the person is but still you can figure out who’s a boy and who’s a girl. 🙁March 31, 2011 4:16 am at 4:16 am #756900wanderingchanaParticipant
I would answer, but I don’t see a mechitza here.March 31, 2011 1:24 pm at 1:24 pm #756901
How do you figure out who’s a boy and who’s a girl when you can only rely on the screenname of the poster which isnt checked when they join here. I didnt have to provide proof of ID when I joined. Did you?
Plenty names have no hint of gender at all. Then what do you do?
I even know of one female poster who has brother in her screenname…
And I dont even want to bring up chayav and his bubby again!
You’re just posting in reply to anonymous people and all posts are anyway moderated. If you still think this is wrong then kol hakavod to you and its been nice having you along.
Anyways I must go now cos I can hear my husband calling me. So I’ll see you. Or maybe not.March 31, 2011 2:44 pm at 2:44 pm #756902
Yeah…my wife told me to get off the computer.March 31, 2011 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #756903
why would not being 1,000% certain of a posters gender affect whether its permissible?? if a boy and girl, who never met each other, were “pen pals” and wrote platonic letters to each other every day, would that be okay? can he/she excuse it with the excuse that maybe the pen pal is not being honest about his/her gender? i dont see that. for the most part, i think most posters know other posters gender, and whether it is the opposite of their own.March 31, 2011 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #756904
OP, you made me think. It’s been bothering me for a while. I suggest a new rule: No direct discussion between genders. Say “Prince” and “Princess” (fictitious screen names) start a conversation within a thread, addressing each other by their screen names or joking around. That would be akin to pen-palling. The mods would have to stop it.
That wouldn’t solve the problem, though, of a married poster thinking, why can’t my wife be smart and good-natured like eclipse? Or, why doesn’t my husband have Poppa’s sense of humor? (Of course we can never know how posters act IRL, but it’s human nature to form impressions and draw conclusions.)
Bottom line, we should limit CR to informative and serious discussion to help each other, not to impress each other, especially those who happen to be of the opposite gender. Joking and chattering should be allowed only in male-only or female-only threads.March 31, 2011 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #756905
Joking and chattering should be allowed only in male-only or female-only threads.
This is why I have never yet posted in any of the general shmooze threads. They can sometimes get a bit heimish.March 31, 2011 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #756906
I made a decision to think b4 posting (and check b4 sending) whether my post conforms to the demands of tznius, just like when speaking to the opposite gender. Thanks, OP, for the inspiration.March 31, 2011 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #756907
I don’t know. But I think a computer is definitely female. The mother board.March 31, 2011 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #756908
That would be akin to pen-palling. The mods would have to stop it.
You do have a point in general, but there is a significant difference between the CR and pen pal communication; for the most part, even if gender is evident, we don’t know who the person is.March 31, 2011 6:26 pm at 6:26 pm #756909gavra_at_workParticipant
If I had a nickel for each time this is posted…..
MS’s, feel free not to talk to me 🙂March 31, 2011 6:40 pm at 6:40 pm #756910real-briskerMember
DY – Many times pen pals also dont know who the other person is.March 31, 2011 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #756911ShrekMember
coming soon, a thread on “coffee room scandals”.
then again, maybe not.March 31, 2011 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #756912
also in a mixed gender chat room many times you know their gender, even though you may not know their identity.March 31, 2011 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #756913truth be toldMember
RB: But they could find out, if they’d like to. Their address they certanly have. Also, here the content is limited, due moderation. Huge difference.March 31, 2011 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #756914hanibParticipant
not only that, you’re not e-mailing privately to that one person, but publicly so all can see. (i’m not saying whether it’s right or wrong, just showing that it’s different than just e-mailing someone privately).March 31, 2011 8:05 pm at 8:05 pm #756915
Tbt beat me to it. I will say though, that I agree more with his first point than his second, because moderation is not perfect; some things have gotten through only to be subsequently removed.March 31, 2011 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #756916
Huge difference. True, but I think ???? ?? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ??? ????? ????? applies here.March 31, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #756917
I agree, (and I thank the OP and yourself for the ????,) but there’s more room for leeway here than in real life, for example, to give advice, mussar or even chizuk.March 31, 2011 8:38 pm at 8:38 pm #756918
DY, i dont think too many people will argue on the advice, mussar, and chizuk. its more the chit-chatting that is the concern.March 31, 2011 9:30 pm at 9:30 pm #756919real-briskerMember
tbt, DY – Well you can do alot of things. The idea is the same.March 31, 2011 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm #756920dancinggirlMember
you know…i was thinking about this too. if i cud tell that someone is boy, am i allowoed to compliment there writing? its very confusing! it feels wrong in an ‘OK’ settingMarch 31, 2011 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm #756921
if i cud tell that someone is boy, am i allowoed to compliment there writing?
Perhaps there’s no halacha against it, but it doesn’t sound right. BTW, I held back from commenting about it, but since you brought up the question of tznius, may I suggest you change your screen name? It can conjure up an image that’s not exactly conductive to ?????.March 31, 2011 11:02 pm at 11:02 pm #756922jhcvivgwryParticipant
Yeah…my wife told me to get off the computer
Do you mean to say “my HUSBAND told me…” 🙂April 1, 2011 12:20 am at 12:20 am #756923
No I meant wife…I was copying the joke of the post above mine.April 1, 2011 12:36 am at 12:36 am #756924
Tell yourselves that for all you know the poster looks like Frankenstein.April 1, 2011 1:42 am at 1:42 am #756925
eclipse: How does one use a broom for transportation?April 1, 2011 2:56 am at 2:56 am #756926
You put the stick in neutral,and fly.April 1, 2011 7:07 am at 7:07 am #756927
No I meant wife… I was copying the joke of the post above mine
This is just not acceptable. First of all did you have written permission to copy someone else’s intellectual property? They may have worked for months on that line. Secondly, if your wife was telling you to get off the computer and the poster before’s husband was calling them, then you’re obviously different both genders and shouldnt be allowed in the same thread.
Come on. Who smells Joseph here? Isnt this a bit OTT?
Males only to reply please!
Re msseeker’s suggested rule of no direct discussion between genders, I was going to say that I dont have anyone’s email address and only post on a public site that my wife (husband?) also looks thru and she knows my username. That’s my shmira. Not that I need one for one off lines that I wont develop into conversations. But I cant write this cos I dont know msseeker’s gender.April 3, 2011 1:31 am at 1:31 am #756928
so we should restrict ourselves? like be more careful with who we answer to? and not say which gender we are,..April 3, 2011 2:42 am at 2:42 am #756929mw13Participant
“if a boy and girl, who never met each other, were “pen pals” and wrote platonic letters to each other every day, would that be okay? can he/she excuse it with the excuse that maybe the pen pal is not being honest about his/her gender?”
No, that would definitely not be a good idea. However, I think that this situation is different because A) it is in a public forum and B) there are moderators here that will remove any inappropriate comments.April 3, 2011 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #756931bygirl93Member
how about we be each others shmira- if someone sees wat seems like a not okay discussion btwn two ppl- with different genders they either write a “subtle” hint telling them to stop- or they culd point out to the mods wat is going on- and the mods can choose to edit those posts-April 3, 2011 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #756932
and not say which gender we are
how about gender neutral screennames then, starting with yours…April 3, 2011 3:17 pm at 3:17 pm #756933
bygirl93 – Great idea. It’s called ????? ????? ?? ?????. The only problem is other posters making fun of us frummies, and ????? ??? ???? ??? ??????. Now if we can rally together and ignore them, or better yet cry foul every time a ?? displays his corny ignorance that’s supposed to be funny, we can clean up this otherwise wonderful place. The shulchan aruch instructs us: ??? ???? ???? ???????? – do not be embarrased of those who ridicule.April 4, 2011 1:28 am at 1:28 am #756934metrodriverMember
brotherofurs; I bought stock in the TARP (Not Pres. Obama’s type) manufacturing co. Because one of the campaign promises of Gov. Cuomo was that if elected, he’ll put up a (Blue) Tarp(auline) Mechitza on the New York State Thruway to separate the men from the lady drivers. Gov. Chris Christy of NJ promised a similar thing on the Garden State Parkway, especially at the exits that adjoin Lakewood (???”:?). But due to the budget crisis he postponed the implementation of his promise.April 4, 2011 5:18 am at 5:18 am #756935yid.periodMember
I thought this site was heimish, that is the only reason I allowed myself to post. There are non-males here?!?April 4, 2011 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #756936stamagoyMember
ok there are many things wrong with everyone’s comments on this post:
1) there aredefinitely many things wrong with chatting on the internet especially with people of the opposite gender. when it stops feeling weird you are just desensitizing yourself and lowering your standards. i feel like its sort of like dating. In the beginning when you first start commenting you just state your ideas. After your 6th or 7th comment you feel comftorable enough to start adressing others by their first name. That is very innapropriate especially for different people of differant genders of differant ages!!
i think anyone who disagreees with this is just closing thier eyes to this sad but true stateApril 5, 2011 12:01 am at 12:01 am #756937
Since you didn’t say to whom you’re directing your post, that means it’s for everyone, some of whom are male, and some of whom are female. So whether you’re the brother or the sister, you’ve just violated your own rule!
Now, if you would tell me that since your comment is directed at nobody in particular, it’s impersonal and there’s no issue, I ask you: if you were in mixed company, would you be speaking up? No? Then you’ve just acknowledged the difference between anonymous chatting and non-anonymous chatting.
My opinion is that unlike non-anonymous chatting, which without a specific need is not appropriate, anonymous chatting is okay as long as the tone and content are okay.April 5, 2011 12:22 am at 12:22 am #756938metrodriverMember
Daas Yochid; I think your opinion on this matter is “Daas Rabim”. You’ve expressed the opinion of 90% of posters and visitors to the CR. (I hope.). BTW; In my (Not so humble) opinion. The latest post by stamagoy has been tongue in cheek. And should be taken with a handful of salt. (See him smiling at the keyboard.)April 5, 2011 12:27 am at 12:27 am #756939
Non-males (as you put it) are not heimish? I think non-males are more in charge of the “Heim”.
There a non-males here as well as non-non-males (non-females). Then there are CONCEPCTS, neither non-non-male, nor non-non-non-males. Take me, for instance. As one fine poster refereed to me as “she, he or IT”.April 5, 2011 4:33 am at 4:33 am #756940
Sticky guy i didn’t realize my screen name would be a problem when i made it. I hardly knew what the site was, but it’s a good idea.April 5, 2011 2:10 pm at 2:10 pm #756941
Brotherofurs Hi what does your name stand for anyway?April 5, 2011 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #756942
Daas Yochid – I agree!
editedApril 5, 2011 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #756943
brotherofurs – Brother of Yours:
One thing I can tell you, you aren’t My brother – I have no brothers!April 5, 2011 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #756944
stamagoy – “to start adressing others by their first name. differant genders of differant ages!!
i think anyone who disagreees with this is just closing thier”
English please! “ADDressing”, “DifferEnt, “ThEIr”!April 5, 2011 4:24 pm at 4:24 pm #756945My .02Member
Health-brother of yours can very well be your sister.
Excuse my ignorance for jumping in in middle of this thread, but considering all the garbage that’s so accessible on the internet, don’t you think blogging on YWN is fairly innocent?April 5, 2011 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #756946
“Health-brother of yours can very well be your sister.”
Nope, my sister doesn’t blog or even own a computer. There is that one in a million chance -that she isn’t what she appears to be. But, the chance is so remote, I’d wager on it.April 7, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #756947adorableParticipant
Health- are you so sure that I am not your sister?!?!?!??!?!?!!April 7, 2011 11:59 pm at 11:59 pm #756948
i was saying that all Jews are brothers to one another ;D even if we don’t know each other. u know, …”Our fellow brethren..” get it?April 8, 2011 3:47 am at 3:47 am #756949
adorable – “Health- are you so sure that I am not your sister?!?!?!??!?!?!!”
I’m 100% sure you’re not. We live in Jersey and you live in Monsey.
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