Is it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?
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- This topic has 27 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by writersoul.
October 3, 2013 12:30 am at 12:30 am #610782yeshivabochurguyMember
can i ask someone to set me up with a specific person? Who should i ask?October 3, 2013 12:51 am at 12:51 am #977947rebdonielMember
That’s generally considered tacky.October 3, 2013 12:55 am at 12:55 am #977948supermeMember
Ask a friend to redt it or to tell a shadchanOctober 3, 2013 1:06 am at 1:06 am #977949Sam2Participant
I think it’s honestly silly that someone cannot suggest a person for themselves, but that appears to be the current mode of operation.October 3, 2013 1:12 am at 1:12 am #977950yeshivabochurguyMember
so what do you do if you think someone might be good for you but no one ever set you upOctober 3, 2013 1:24 am at 1:24 am #977951OURtorahParticipant
yeshiva bocher guy…just ask her out yourself…October 3, 2013 1:26 am at 1:26 am #977952SecularFrummyMember
Obviously nobody know themselves well enough to do that.October 3, 2013 1:32 am at 1:32 am #977953TheGoqParticipant
Lets ask Tevya.October 3, 2013 2:17 am at 2:17 am #977954interjectionParticipant
Ask a relative you’re close with. Is that really how it is? That because you thought of it first you guys can’t date?October 3, 2013 2:24 am at 2:24 am #977955
and tevya isOctober 3, 2013 2:29 am at 2:29 am #977956squeakParticipant
No wonder you have to suggest yourself. Shadchanim dont usually set up marriageable girls with boys looking for a high school.
ThanksOctober 3, 2013 2:36 am at 2:36 am #977957TheGoqParticipant
Hi jwashing, Tevya is the dairy farmer from Fiddler on the Roof the play/movie adapted from the tale by Shalom Aleichem he allows his eldest daughter to marry who she wants instead of making the match for her.October 3, 2013 2:42 am at 2:42 am #977958
@squeak maybe you can be a litle dan lkaf zchus and say maybe he is asking one of the questions for someone elseOctober 3, 2013 2:49 am at 2:49 am #977959yeshivaguy45Participant
the goq- lol. jwashing- Did you ever hear of Fiddler on the Roof?October 3, 2013 2:51 am at 2:51 am #977960oomisParticipant
Oh for goodness sakes. Don’t listen to ANYONE who says it’s tacky. Go for it. Ask ANYONE reliable to redt the shidduch for you, if you always go through a shadchan. Why should you miss out on your possible bashert just because no one else thought of the same suggestion first?October 3, 2013 2:58 am at 2:58 am #977961Veltz MeshugenerMember
You are doing a terrible job of valuing your options. You think that this person might potentially be immensely valuable to you as a shidduch, and you are considering abandoning the opportunity because some people might think that asking someone to redt it is “not done”. Imagine the following hypothetical valuations:
Perfect Shidduch = 1,000,000
Odds that this is the perfect shidduch = 10%
Expected Value of Dating = .10*1,000,000=100,000
Cost of doing something that isn’t done = 50 (but that’s an over-estimate)
Since 100,000 is more value than 50, it makes sense to have someone suggest it.October 3, 2013 3:13 am at 3:13 am #977962
@squeak and actually i know this guy and he is talking about his brother who is going into shiduchimOctober 3, 2013 3:55 am at 3:55 am #977963147Participant
Is it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?
Absolutely!!! Grow up and take some initiative. If your premonition tells you to go for someone, absolutely get the show on the road, and 1 shidduch crisis fewer to deal with.October 3, 2013 11:58 am at 11:58 am #977964jewish sourceParticipant
Shimshon Hagibbor did, his eyes were later gauged out by the philistines!October 3, 2013 1:53 pm at 1:53 pm #977965miritchkaMember
jwashing: if its not for him, why doesnt he suggest it for his brother?
OP: as mentioned by others, ask a relative or friend to redt it. good luck!!October 3, 2013 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #977966gabbaisheiniParticipant
Ask someone to redt it for you. Having a middle man will make the situation much more comfortable for both of you.October 7, 2013 1:46 am at 1:46 am #977967ShanifirstMember
The best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:) Just make sure that someone you trust is also involved in the shidduch that’s a close friend and not a family member so that way they can make the shidduch and that way it will be tznius because your friend made it and it’s the same as a shadchan doing it just better because your friends with the shadchan.October 7, 2013 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #977968apushatayidParticipant
Yes. It is called taking the initiative. Im ain ani li, mi li.October 7, 2013 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #977969jewishfeminist02Member
It’ll make a great story if you marry the person!October 7, 2013 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #977970rebdonielMember
“The best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:)”
I agree in a certain sense. Some people frown on things like JWed and Saw You at Sinai. In such a case, wouldn’t a person be making their own shidduch, since they either replied to someone’s message, or took the initiative to message someone themselves?October 8, 2013 12:58 am at 12:58 am #977971Torah613TorahParticipant
Yes, it is right.
But you should be careful that you are primarily attracted to intrinsic qualities and not superficial qualities.October 9, 2013 12:23 am at 12:23 am #977972french friesMember
i say, you go for it! thats the way my sisters shidduch happened, and they are happily married for quite a few years…October 9, 2013 12:29 am at 12:29 am #977973writersoulParticipant
It’s not right or wrong, it’s just applicable or inapplicable.
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