August 19, 2011 12:49 am at 12:49 am #598777yicMember
i m marring in 1and half month to i have why to be nerves my kalah lives in another city so its new pepole new family and house evrything is diffrent is it normal to be a litle bit nerves ?August 19, 2011 2:28 am at 2:28 am #801743moishlkwdMember
its a tremendous change.perhaps you should go for premarital counseling.its a great help and may calm your nerves. many people these days do it and its very normal. mazel tov.August 19, 2011 6:55 am at 6:55 am #801744
is marring hard ?
It depends on what you want to mar, and how badly you want to damage the item.
i m marring in 1and half month to i have why to be nerves my kalah lives in another city so its new pepole new family and house evrything is diffrent is it normal to be a litle bit nerves ?
Oh! You meant marrying.
Or, in other words:
I am marrying in one and a half months, so I have a reason to be nervous. My kalah lives in another city, so it’s new people, new family and house. Everything is different. Is it normal to be a little bit nervous?
Yes, it’s normal. The most important thing in a marriage is communication. So I would suggest working on improving that skill.
Mazel tov!August 19, 2011 11:02 am at 11:02 am #801745
For sure! It is very normal to be nervous! This is a big life change! Mazal tov! May you and your kallah be zoche to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel, binyan adei ad! I also agree with moishlkwd that you should see someone even just to calm yourself.
😀 Zuberman! 😀August 19, 2011 11:36 am at 11:36 am #801746mikehall12382Member
Its normal, why not travel and spend more time with your new family…maybe you can be hosted by a neighbor and spend a shabbos with themAugust 19, 2011 1:26 pm at 1:26 pm #801748
Of course its hard, life wasn’t meant to be easy, you know.August 19, 2011 1:34 pm at 1:34 pm #801749mommamia22Participant
Some people welcome change, others fear it. There are a lot of changes that takes place when one gets married (new housemate, residence, community, responsibilities). The combination of so many changes at once can unnerve people. It is normal to be nervous and excited. The fewer changes at once, the better. Try to acclimate yourself to those changes gradually. Realize that it takes time to get settled, and if it includes more major changes like a new job, community, etc it may take longer. Try to view it like an adventure.August 19, 2011 1:42 pm at 1:42 pm #801750oomisParticipant
Everyone gets a little nervous before taking such a big step. Take a deep breath, Mikehall has a great idea for you to spend more time with the future family to egt to know them better, and it also IS a good idea to go for a little premarital counseling, if only to give you a chance to give voice to what you are feeling, to someone who can help you understand those feelings. They are normal. MAZEL TOV.August 19, 2011 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #801751
I think its disgusting how the op got attacked for his poor English. Its obvious that English is not this persons first language. Does our proficiency in English give us a right to mock and denigrate others for their lack of English skills? Or does that just reveal our nasty side and show how insecure we are that we need to resort to putting the less fortunate down to feel better about ourselves?August 19, 2011 5:54 pm at 5:54 pm #801752apushatayidParticipant
Rocks are hard. Communicating, can be hard. If english is your spouses first language, you will have a hard time communicating. That will make daily life, hard. Ken you kigel cooken kitchen? I’m practicing the kegels, I can’t look in the kitchen. See what I mean?August 19, 2011 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #801753
“Or does that just reveal our nasty side and show how insecure we are that we need to resort to putting the less fortunate down to feel better about ourselves?”
That’s exactly how it feels when a poster CONSISTENTLY gives tochacha without the ahavas chinam and good feeling that are necessary when rebuking, but rather (I quote) in a “disgusting” way.
Could you please catch someone doing something good?
You can do it. 🙂
TIAAugust 19, 2011 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #801754
I agree and I was thinking of correcting the OP but stopped short for that reason, I was waiting for someone to do it, I should’ve figured Haifagirl would do it.
why does it bother you soo much Haifa,August 19, 2011 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #801755
am yisrael chai
I catch plenty of people doing something good. The point is, that it shouldnt be a chiddush that a Yid does something good, but by you it obviously is…August 19, 2011 8:07 pm at 8:07 pm #801756
I have posted before about doing things in a nice way and I even asked nicely and said please with a *your choice of fruit* on top 🙁 I know certain things bother people but can we please correct in a constructive manner? Correcting or educating in an attacking or afronting manner, can only do damage to a persons self esteem and likely won’t help them correct the issue properly. Please, I again ask people, if you must correct, do it nicely
😀 Zuberman! 😀August 19, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #801757bein_hasdorimParticipant
Don’t be so mean, maybe the poster is trying to hide his writing style, either way it is extremely immature how some posters get on their high horse about how literate (yawn) they are. (not really)
Yay! You’re so perfect! You want an award?
Most of these posters grammar is atrocious to say the least.
Get someone who’s worse than they are and out come the goody two shoes.
I’m sure every single one of you understood him. If not, then
it’s your being slow that should worry you, not his spelling.
yic, sorry about that. It’s normal to be nervous, as long as it is a positive nervousness, not negatively influenced by things that you’re already not happy with. Talk it over with your kallah, i’m sure she’s nervous too. You can comfort each other. Hatzlacha Rabbah!August 19, 2011 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #801758
“…it shouldnt be a chiddush that a Yid does something good, but by you it obviously is…”
There we go. The sentence is dripping with condescension and sarcasm.
If you’re ok with criticizing others, you should be ok taking constructive respectful criticism yourself.
If you learn about tochacha, it must be done with ahavas chinam and good feelings, not by telling people off.
You sound like an intelligent guy into self-improvement.
If this is the case, kindly look into what you may possibly learn from this tochacha.
And your point that one should not remark on good things but only the bad, well then, why bother davening ????? ???? each day? According to your line of thinking, it shouldn’t be a chiddush that Hashem does all these wonderful things….
In fact, why repeat it DAILY,for we just said those great things about Hashem yesterday? It’s to train US for OUR OWN benefit and to learn from it.
The idea is ahavas chinam with BALANCE. One cannot constantly bring out the flaws in others without the good stuff. Btw, this style doesn’t work in ANY relationship.
?????? ????August 20, 2011 6:29 pm at 6:29 pm #801759
enough of the grammar police! it’s getting annoying to post in here; you have to look over your shoulder. please leave us alone- we can decipher posts our own without your comprehensive expertise sending us back to 6th grade. i’m not trying to attack or be mean but enough is enough.August 21, 2011 1:31 am at 1:31 am #801760
people missed my point entirely making me realize why my work is that much harder …
🙁 Zuberman 🙁August 21, 2011 3:16 am at 3:16 am #801763
I liked WIY’s post. I always thought he has nice middos and is a real mentch! Thank you for saying what had to be said!August 21, 2011 5:14 am at 5:14 am #801765
we can decipher posts our own
Why should people have to “decipher” posts?
1. to make out the meaning of (poor or partially obliterated writing, etc.): to decipher a hastily scribbled note.
2. to discover the meaning of (anything obscure or difficult to trace or understand): to decipher hieroglyphics.
3. to interpret by the use of a key, as something written in cipher: to decipher a secret message.
4. Obsolete . to depict; portray.
Haven’t you ever learned that you are supposed to make things easier for the next person, not harder?August 21, 2011 5:45 am at 5:45 am #801766
Thanks for having my back. I appreciate the compliment and it came at a time that I needed one.
Hatzlacha!August 21, 2011 6:38 am at 6:38 am #801767HaLeiViParticipant
Speaking of complimenting WIY, it is very clear that you have Shteiged over the course of time that you left. You actually said you did, but by now it is visible. Continue on.August 21, 2011 7:23 am at 7:23 am #801768
do you understand how annoying un-asked for help is. how about dis-asked for. ya i made upa word. it means when you are driving the whole CR crazy and you are repeatedly asked to stop but continue to add punctuation where no-one wants or cares for it. get off your high horse.August 21, 2011 8:15 am at 8:15 am #801769kapustaParticipant
WIY: Sorry, AYC said what I’ve been thinking for a long time. I know good news doesn’t sell papers but maybe its possible to focus on it a little more anyway? (I’m talking to everyone reading and myself as well)
Toi, I hear you but maybe a little less harsh next time…?August 21, 2011 9:16 am at 9:16 am #801770
im aint usually harsh or nuthin, shucks. im just a bit fed up lolAugust 21, 2011 10:19 am at 10:19 am #801771ZachKessinMember
One of the biggest challenges for any couple is money. Being on the same page with regards to money will be a key factor in success of a couple. After 7 years my wife and I are still working on this and trying to really nail it.
We are currently doing Dave Ramsey’s FPU class which has been a great help for us.August 21, 2011 11:28 am at 11:28 am #801772PortyMember
Back to the topic at hand…. 🙂
It is normal to be nervous – if you were not nervous, something would be wrong. I don’t know where you are, but if you are in Israel, contact me off the boards and I can refer you to someone to talk to before you get married.
One thing to remember (I am coming up on 18 years of marriage) – try and always think how you would feel if what you just said/did to someone was said/done to you. It can really change your perspective when things get rough (and they will!). Marriage is good, but it is not easy. If you keep that in mind, you will be fine.
Mazeltov!August 21, 2011 11:32 am at 11:32 am #801773
do you understand how annoying un-asked for help is. how about dis-asked for. ya i made upa word. it means when you are driving the whole CR crazy and you are repeatedly asked to stop but continue to add punctuation where no-one wants or cares for it. get off your high horse.
You are 100% right. It is annoying.
Now, do you know how annoying it is for many of us to try and read things that are totally ungrammatical and misspelled? It is especially annoying given there is a written rule about it:
5 – Please try to post in a language somewhat resembling English. Visit spellcheck.net if you need help. Mozilla Firefox browser also offers a spellcheck option. If your comment is not written in normal English, it will not be approved.
Have you ever bothered to read the rules of the CR?August 21, 2011 12:15 pm at 12:15 pm #801774mommamia22Participant
Guys, enough mussar both ways about the importance of writing with good grammar and the importance of not focusing on good grammar. The writer posted a question he would like answered. We’re all here because we want to help each other. Take it from someone who’s posted several times: the writer waits with bated breath for help. Everyone’s answers are meaningful, whether responded to or followed or not. Just seeing responses on topic can make a person feel better knowing people cared enough to take the time to try to help them, and they are not alone.
It’s not coincidental that of everyone out there, we’ve found and logged on to this website. We all have something important to offer by way of being there through humor and kindness.August 21, 2011 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #801775
are you saying the moderators themselves don’t read the rules
they’re the ones that approve it not youAugust 21, 2011 2:16 pm at 2:16 pm #801776
Coffee addict, we are the ones WHO approve it, unless you are calling us cows. (I don’t chew gum).August 21, 2011 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #801777
Haifagirl, the phrase, “somewhat resembling English” does not mean it should be perfect grammar, just that it should be readable without breaking one’s teeth.August 21, 2011 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #801778
please explain, I think your reply went over my headAugust 21, 2011 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #801779
thank you for the backup (iyun Come On Mods)August 21, 2011 2:25 pm at 2:25 pm #801780
?? ?????? ????. Any major changes, even positive ones, make it to the top of the major stressor list. SO it’s VERY normal to feel nervous.
The question now becomes, what does one do about the nerves?
I’m sure posters here will have many ideas, and I’ll begin with just one:
Increase emuna and bitachon that Hashem will give you everything you need in your new situation to come through with flying colors, including friends and experiences.
R’ Arush has several books on the topic which you may find helpful.August 21, 2011 2:25 pm at 2:25 pm #801781
You said, “they’re the ones THAT approve it”. The proper English is “they’re the ones WHO approve it”. “Who” refers to people, “that” refers to non-people. The cow comment was a reference to the gum-chewing teenagers thread. (PETA would probably say that cows should be refered to as “who” as well)August 21, 2011 2:38 pm at 2:38 pm #801782
42: haha thanks for the laugh!
Thank you to all that (seemingly) smoothed things over in a much nicer and more pleasant way than was being done before
😀 Zuberman! 😀August 21, 2011 2:38 pm at 2:38 pm #801783
ok, I get it nowAugust 21, 2011 2:43 pm at 2:43 pm #801784
you’re really on a roll today! 🙂August 21, 2011 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #801785TheGoqParticipant
“Have you ever bothered to read the rules of the CR?”
Yes it needs to resmble english but u dont have to nitpick on trivialities like apostrophes just scaleit back a bit HGAugust 21, 2011 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #801786
you might find this helpful:August 25, 2011 2:54 am at 2:54 am #801787
did anyone notice that the OP never responded or posted here again, after everyone scared him with his spelling sins?August 25, 2011 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #801788Raphael KaufmanMember
To quote a famous Hungarian, “A man is incomplete until he is married. then he’s finished.”August 25, 2011 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm #801789
Not true. This sounds like a non Torah, secular perspective. In fact a man is only complete with his helpmate. The finding his wife is a completion to his soul.
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