is there really a shidduch crisis???
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- This topic has 69 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 12 years ago by AZ.
February 25, 2011 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #744722
AZ, when did the age gap issue first develop as a problem in the frum communities shidduchim?February 25, 2011 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #744723WolfishMusingsParticipant
How about we just say that the shidduch crisis is all my fault and call it a day?
The WolfFebruary 25, 2011 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #744724tzippiMember
AZ, re your most recent point 2 (results astounding, soon to be rolled out across the country): alluding to a plan, telling people to contact NASI, etc., not spelling things out is not the discussing you offered earlier.
Always assume there are newbies out there who haven’t familiarized themselves with the archives.
Have a great Shabbos.February 25, 2011 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #744725
Tzippi: Feel free to edcuate the newbies. i’m finsished debating you and chanoch l’naar ….
a program for slightly older girls
community #1- 11 months – 80 dates/ 30 girls past date number 4/ 10 engagements
commmunity #2- 5 weeks 40 dates/ one enggement already.
two more communities about to start.
schools have started as have shuls.
feel free to explain how it works.
when the time is ripe
Yated, Hamodia, Mishpacha, FJJ and others will cover the program. For now it is not being widely publicized, but rather being rolled out one at a time.February 25, 2011 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm #744726
AZ, when did the age gap issue first develop as a problem in the frum communities shidduchim?February 25, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #744727
1- Anything planned for or ongoing in Brooklyn?
2- How are Shadchanim being made aware of names and info of all older girls, or are they only being encouraged to try harder for the older girls they already know? Whats going on behind the scenes?February 25, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #744728
1. One graduating class of the year 2004 of a school in brookyn has started it for their fellow classmates.
2. The NASI Project will fill you in on all the details. They asked that the specifics not be posted in a public forum. In general each program is run by each individual community, school, shul and the NASI Project helps them get it up and running.
Have a great shabbosFebruary 25, 2011 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #744729
AZ, when did the age gap issue first develop as a problem in the frum communities shidduchim?February 27, 2011 2:59 am at 2:59 am #744730
Canine: I’m not a historian. I was first informed of the issue around 4 years ago. Anecdotally- girls who began dating 15 yrs ago or more didn’t seem to have the problem.
What is clear is that we presently have a massive problem and age gap is the gorrila in the room causing it.February 27, 2011 3:13 am at 3:13 am #744731
AZ, what might have changed that the girls dating 15 years ago did not have an age gap problem, but todays girls do?February 27, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #744732
AZ, what might have changed that the girls dating 15 years ago did not have an age gap problem, but todays girls do?
IMHO 15 years ago the guys werent as fussy as they are now, with a list of specs a mile long. So when a guy started dating 15 years ago at 23, he most often married within the first year. These days many guys still find Mrs Right within the first year of dating, BUT MANY MORE THESE DAYS DONT, leaving leftovers of many hundreds of older girls, because of the younger girls willing to go out with guys many years their senior (20 y.o. girls dating 27, 28, etc y.o. guys). I think there are a lot more cradle-robbing guys these days, than 15 years ago.February 27, 2011 3:46 am at 3:46 am #744733
Canine: two factors,
1. Population growth which causes there to be significantly more 19 yr olds than 23 yr olds
2. dating styles being more rigid and girls by and large beging dating a year out of sem (2 yrs out of HS) age 19, and boys not begining to date until 22/23
OC; glad you have a opinion. Please back it up with data. The overwhelming majority of boys are married befre the date 3 yrs and by five years they are almost all taken.
Even your idea that boys are more fussy (which may be true- but would only a minimal impact on the crisis because the fussy ones also get married wihtin a few years) is a result of them having the hammer and being able to be fussy… ???
But the good news is that as of the last few years far far more guys are dating and marrying girls their own age.February 27, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am #744734
AZ, how did those 2 factors only become a problem starting 15 years ago and not 30 years ago?February 27, 2011 4:05 am at 4:05 am #744735individualMember
No matter what anyone is saying about statistics, I have been to more weddings than I can count for young women over 21 this past year. (I think I went to at least 5 just over the summer, and have a few approaching.) I also want to mention to ha ha (the original poster of this thread)that there is nothing to worry about if are 21 and not married yet. Firstly, some people just take longer, and there is no reason to feel pressured. Hashem has it worked out, and hasn’t forgotten about anyone. Secondly, some of the best and life changing experiences that I will cherish forever happened to me after I was 21 and single. It’s all about how you chose to live your life with your circumstances.February 27, 2011 4:09 am at 4:09 am #744736
individual, some of the best and life changing experiences that I will cherish forever happened to me after I was 21 and single.
I’ve seen many girls who’ve had life changing experiences 21 and older and single, and they were mostly BAD to very BAD!February 27, 2011 4:22 am at 4:22 am #744737
Ofcourse, you make a very good case for girls to marry long before age 21.February 27, 2011 4:31 am at 4:31 am #744738
canine, Ofcourse, you make a very good case for girls to marry long before age 21.
Are you kidding? Girls’ parents set up dates for their daughters way ahead of Pesachtime for when the daughters are home for a month from Israel in their Sem year! They’re fearful and want their daughters to have a head start. Everyone is scared (rightfully so) of having an “older” girl.February 27, 2011 4:34 am at 4:34 am #744739individualMember
of course, I can’t say every situation was positive, and I can’t say there weren’t painful times too, but it really is what you chose to put your focus on. If one focuses on all the good in life, one could never count all of his or her brachos, and canine, it is not a reason to get married before you are 21. There are reasons to get married, and avoiding potential pain is not a valid reason. Marriage requires work too, and is not an escape.February 27, 2011 4:46 am at 4:46 am #744740
Getting married very young helps prevent society’s and the workplace’s corrupting influences from coming into before marriage.February 27, 2011 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #744741
“I have been to more weddings than I can count for young women over 21 this past year. (I think I went to at least 5 just over the summer, and have a few approaching.)”
B”H – as i have written numerous times- significant progress is being made day by day week by week.
Canine: if you notice not a single suggesion was made “telling” girls to hold of dating. the reason- they won’t listen so why waster time. But things can be done to have eligible boys date girls their own age.
Regarding girls getting married at 21 or a bit older vs. 19, I’ll leave that to the Rabbonim and R”Y to decide if it’s kedai to encourage boys to date/marry girls thier own age even though inevitably more girls will get married slightly later.
70 R”Y signed a letter answering that question very clearly
regarding why it wasn’t like this 30 years ago… here’s some anecdoatal to chew on.
1. Take my elemmentary schoold there were maybe 3 families with 10 children. nowadays it’s pretty common, then it wasn’t. It’s called population growth.
2. not all boys started dating at 22/23. far far more boys began younger.
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