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i was in the grocery store tonight and as i was waiting in line there was a young lady in front of me with half the store in her cart. she was frum, obviously married, her twenties. I’m also married i didn’t grow up frum and my first instinct was to ask if she needed help to her car car. to be clear, if it was a man or old lady, i would have for sure offered my help. i didn’t end up asking her and was wondering if i should feel bad? and if in the future i should offer that help or would the girl feel weird being asked and would i look weird for asking?
You should have offered and she should have kindly refused.
I find myself in that same dilemma when I am driving alone and see a man who needs a ride.
The Goq- never thought i’d see the day, but well said
Interesting question, I often find myself in similar positions. If she was having obvious difficulty and/or struggling with little kids, I would definitely have offered. Otherwise, I would not. Most of the supermarkets by me have people who will help you and you can take the shopping cart to the car.
I offered a ride to a lone girl once. I live in a neighborhood between a really safe frum neighborhood and a really terrible unsafe neighborhood, one of the worst precincts in NYC. I was driving along at 11:30 PM and there was a frum girl walking in the unsafe part of town. Not wanting to give her a heart attack, I slowed my car on the opposite side of the street as her and asked her if she was okay and if she needed a ride somewhere. At the time, I was working a very high profile job in the community so I was recognizable by face to most people. She (wisely?) refused, and I drove off.
If there is a big age difference a young married and a middle aged woman i say go for it and help, but if we are talking same age range i think its best for her to turn down your kind offer.
Stanley i would say thanks for the left handed compliment but i am a lefty and i find that saying is insulting to my people, stanley did u used to be corey?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the question, I would probably think she would say thanks but she’s ok (unless she REALLY needs the help). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with offering to help someone with a burden, male or female, if you are comfortable with making the offer to someone of the opposite gender. The Torah teaches us that when we see a man’s donkey has fallen beneath his burden, we are obligated to help pick it up. Why should a human being be less choshuv than a donkey?
stanley – seriously? You’re gonna be obnoxious to Goq? What kind of poster are you?
Thanks Syag he really hurt me badly but i think a slurpee would cheer me right up again SUBTLE HINT!
When I see kids playing outside on my way home from the candy store, I feel like it would be a chesed to call them over to my car and offer them some lollipops…. but I don’t.
Just looked up this corey fella. I’m not, but i’m wondering if thats also a backhanded compliment of sorts. And how am i supposed to get you a slurpee. NOT SUBTLE QUESTION
The slurpee comment was directed at me, the Corey comment wasn’t an insult, it was the name of another poster who was mean to Goq (IIRC) and the proper response would have been, ” sorry Goq”
NOT SUBTLE MUSSER
Squeak – thanks for your sensitivity. My kids don’t like lollipops.
Stan it was an inside joke with Syag dont worry yourself about it.
and since you looked up this corey fellow perhaps you can tell me his screenname?
Squeak=+1;
Squeak
If you are a woman there’s nothing wrong with that. If you are a man, well that would look bad.
Yes, there is a tremendous double standard between men and women interacting with kids.
As the GOQ attemps to call me out. Coreytothecup i assume you refer to. Why, pray tell, would i lie about looking it up?
Just looked up this corey fella. I’m not, but i’m wondering if thats also a backhanded compliment of sorts. And how am i supposed to get you a slurpee. NOT SUBTLE QUESTION
Tell me you had to actually “look it up” to know whether you are or aren’t. Hmmm…..
Ask her why she needs so much food?!?
Yes, you should have offered to help her. There is no harm in offering; even if she says no, she will appreciate the gesture. Furthermore, there is nothing untoward about you helping her carry her groceries to the car. Everything is completely public and there is no risk of accidental physical contact. I have definitely been in situations like this one and wished that someone would help me but no one did. She may want/need help or she may not, but you lose nothing by asking.
Sharp +10000 🙂
Goq – I have that slurpee ready (diet coke). Are you the one who takes in the mail at your work? When they receive a slurpee adressed to ‘Goq’ will they know who to give it to? Otherwise just give me a number and I’ll fax it 🙂
Thanks syag ahhhhhh that hit the spot!!!!
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