Is This Lying?

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  • #595807
    s2021
    Member

    Im not married but I wear a shaitel.. Everywhere I go people are asking me my married name, where Im living, what my husband does.. I dont really mind.. thats just how ppl are where I live. However I dont want to create awkward situations for the other person in middle of a bagel store or a nail salon or Shul.. So I decided to just create a fictional husband, place where we live, what he does… I thought it was perfect. I even made his name and everything.. But now Im thinking- wait- would that be allowed??

    Thoughts?? 🙂

    #751201
    Grandmaster
    Member

    How tall is he?

    #751202
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    No offense, but your question is the least interesting part of this story.

    #751203

    Can you ask a Rav? This sounds like a very complicated situation.

    Also, can you get a more natural looking sheitel?

    #751205
    always here
    Participant

    s2021~ no offense, but I think spinning this fairy tale of fantasy is veryyy peculiar; wouldn’t it just be easier to say: “it’s complicated” when a person is inquiring into your personal business?

    if the truth gets out, & it usually does, your reputation & credibility will always be suspect and questioned. JMHO.

    #751206
    s2021
    Member

    Popa- whats ur point?

    pascha- my sheitel is a regular sheitel, I dont think it could get any more naturall unless I start pulling sum hairs out which I dont think is allowed..

    always- “whats ur married name?”

    “Its complicated..?”

    I think thats peculiar.. If I would just say a name the whole thing is over in 30 seconds…

    Anyhow, Iv been thinkin Its not a good idea cuz Im a very honest person n I dont want to get used to saying untruths.. especially since Im kinda bad at it- If I start getting good…

    #751207
    always here
    Participant

    s2021~ women/people come up to you & ask you ‘what’s your married name?’ as opposed to just ‘what’s your name?’? … that’s peculiar. it would make more sense if they asked you ‘what’s your family (maiden) name?’ if they see you’re wearing a sheitel.

    if they have to ask your name, they probably don’t know you very well to begin with… so what does it matter what last name you give them?

    good idea to stay away from untruths.

    #751208
    cshapiro
    Member

    does he play football??!

    #751209
    s2021
    Member

    always- I dont think its peculiar that people ask me my name.. And my familys pretty well known so when ppl ask me my name and I give them my family name it leads to more convo.. “ooooh ur _s daughter? So niiiiiiiice! Whod u marry again??” At that point I usually pretend I didnt understand the question and smile and nod.. Or Iv been giving them the name of the guy I actually did marry just cuz I got flustered, or If I didnt want to embarrass the person..

    Dont know what to do…

    Cmon ppl- IDEAS!!!

    #751210
    s2021
    Member

    cshap- hes taken!! lol still working out the details of what his personal hobbies r..

    #751211
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Bad idea. Bad for your middos, bad for your reputation (if someone catches on), and bad for shidduch prospects (if someone knew you were no longer married, maybe they would have an idea for you).

    My suggestion? Just say the truth in as subtle way as possible.

    Examples:

    What’s your married name?

    I went back to my original name which is _____ .

    Where do you live?

    _____ Street.

    What does your husband do? (trickier one)

    I haven’t kept up with my ex-husband.

    #751212
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    Just my two cents, answer honestly and if it gets too personal tell the yenta(of either gender) to mind her own business.

    #751213
    cshapiro
    Member

    im just trying to make conversation…

    #751214
    mdd
    Member

    Definetely, a shaila of belonging (c^v) to kas(group) shakronim asher einam mekablim pnei HaShechina.

    #751215
    mw13
    Participant

    Halachicly, one is allowed to lie to keep the peace. I would assume this would fall under that rule and be muttar. But then again, I’m no possek so ask your Rov.

    However, even if lying if halachicly permitted here it still might not be the best idea. As always here pointed out, when people find out the truth you may have a problem. IMHO the best one with the best idea so far is Daas Yochid.

    #751216
    s2021
    Member

    cshap- I got that.. anyway I decided hes built like a football player but hes more into basketball these days..

    lol Daas- Thanx 4the suggestions.. Its looks so hard to say though!! 😮 Not so worried about my reaction, more the person whos asking and will be caught off gaurd, blush, make some awkward comment, start laughing loudly, apologizing.. Worst cums to worse, when the whole bagel store turns to look at me, theyll think of ther available second cousin..

    #751217
    cshapiro
    Member

    yay s, we can so be friends now!!!

    #751218
    s2021
    Member

    lol…

    #751219
    aries2756
    Participant

    What’s wrong with simply saying “I’m no longer married”? and leave it at that? If they have further inquiries you can choose to answer or not.

    #751220
    GumBall
    Member

    lololololololol 🙂

    #751221
    yoyo56
    Member

    why are u wearing a shaitel if ur not married r u divorced?

    #751222
    s2021
    Member

    Something like that..

    But there r sometimes ppl who wear shaitels for other reasons, like sickness RL. We need to be very carefull and sensitive.. and think before we let it all out…

    #751223
    Health
    Participant

    s2021 – Perfect solution -get remarried. And you won’t have to lie anymore.

    #751224
    mw13
    Participant

    GumBall:

    “lololololololol”

    Laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud?

    #751225
    s2021
    Member

    Health- I love it!

    Unless my psycho ex hunts him down and kills him… He has jealousy issues, and thinks I belong to him.. That being said- know anyone? 😉

    #751226
    Health
    Participant

    If he hunts him down -make sure you have a large life insurance policy on him. This will kill two birds with one stone. You will make money and your ex will go up the river for a long time.

    #751227
    s2021
    Member

    hmmmm..nice! Life is not looking so bleak after all!! lol

    #751228
    smartcookie
    Member

    2021- you’re best off being honest. Lies always come back to you. It’ll be more embarrassing to make up answers and then people will find out you’re divorced.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with answering- I’m divorced. Perhaps a bit uncomfortable but it’s not unheard of and crazy. People understand.

    If I would ask someone a question(which is why I never even ask such simple questions), I wouldn’t think it’s awkward of her to answer that she’s divorced.

    Do yourself a favor and stick to the truth.

    #751230
    smartcookie
    Member

    Just a note to all of you out there:

    When you meet someone whom you didn’t meet in years, and you have no idea where they’re up to in life- don’t ask questions.

    What’s your name now?

    Where do you live?

    Do you work?

    How many kids do you have by now?

    Where do ur kids go to school?

    Etc etc…

    These questions seem SO harmless, but you might make the other person very uncomfortable. You can never know what a person is going through in any point of their life.

    #751232
    s2021
    Member

    Thanx Cookie

    #751233
    smartcookie
    Member

    2021-do you agree with my post or was that one big lecture?

    #751234
    s2021
    Member

    Yes, generally its best off being honest. And in a way its easier to just say “Im divorced” but in a way, its not. I could be comfy just spitting it out, but its a sharp line to hit someone with in middle of a crowded clothing store, and it would probably be uncomfortable, even uncalled for. Also- they wer just being polite- Me volunteering such personall info is a lil much.. So I was just lookig for a simpler out..

    I do agree and apreciate ur “note to all” 🙂

    #751235
    smartcookie
    Member

    You don’t have to yell- DIVORCED!!!

    If you’re in public, you can whisper it to the “interviewer”!

    If I’d ask those questions and you would lie, I would be more embarrassed if I found out later that you covered up, than if you’d say that you’re divorced.

    I do realize that it’s hard, and my heart goes out to all those who have this problem. But I still think it’s best to say the truth.

    (Sometimes if you know the person will leave you alone after ques #1, you can just shake ur head and say a lil lie!)

    #751236
    observanteen
    Member

    Smartcookie: I’m not so sure. Although I didn’t ask a sheila, it does say in the Torah “midvar sheker tirchak”. The “interviewer” does something wrong by interrogating somebody but this doesn’t exactly give you the “go ahead” to “tell a lil lie”. Unless of course you asked a rav.

    #751237
    oomis
    Participant

    If you’re wearing it because of illness, or even just thinning hair, it’s no one’s business but your own, and you owe no one any explanations. Frankly however, this whole thing sounds a little like a belated Purim Shpiel to me… (if I am wrong, I apologize, but if you are just pulling our leg,’fess up).

    #751238
    s2021
    Member

    cookie- would u really b more embarrased if u found out later from others than if I said it straight to ur face?

    #751239
    eclipse
    Member

    I smile politely and say “I’m a single mother now” or just “I’m not…”(ie.married–understood by the pause)

    With the smile,they don’t feel like they made me uncomfortable.

    And when the inevitable “I’m so sorry” comes,I say “It’s better this way” or “It needed to happen” and THE CONVERSATION MOVES ON.

    (when the person has brains,that is)

    #751240
    s2021
    Member

    oomis- the inspiration of the idea did come to me on Purim… Havent yet grown out of the Purim Spirit to decide if this is a tot wacky shpiel or a tot wacky idea that can be applied on a regular day.. :))

    #751241
    observanteen
    Member

    eclipse: Brilliant! Love it!

    #751242
    s2021
    Member

    eclipse- lol. One of the reasons Im hesitent is cuz some days Im so relieved and excited that Im single, If they say “Oh Im Sooooooooo Sorry, Oooooooy!!” And Im all “IM NOT!!!” with a giggle and a huge smile.. Id probly look completely nuts.. Cant help how I feel!

    #751243
    eclipse
    Member

    s2021…don’t you love when they say…”send him love,send him forgiveness”….I want to say I was thinking more like a mail bomb…JUST KIDDING EVERYONE,but I couldn’t resist.

    #751244
    s2021
    Member

    haaaaa know what u mean. My parents wer like that in the beginning.. Now my fathers starting to chap what typa guy he is and hes like pacing around the house thinking of ways he would like to kill him 🙂 (Just kidding everyone, My dads the cutest, wouldnt hurt a fly..)

    #751245
    cshapiro
    Member

    u know the fbi is monitering this cr…

    #751246
    observanteen
    Member

    Hey, s2021 I know what u mean!

    #751247
    eclipse
    Member

    Oh,well then I meant male bombshell,the ONLY kind cshapiro dates!!

    Ok,it’s way past my bedtime,my posts are getting crazy!

    #751248
    mewho
    Participant

    marry a guy in his 90s that is well off and never had children.

    #751249
    eclipse
    Member

    mewho..they call it “one hand on his shoulder,and his foot on a banana peel”.A joke some find offensive,for some odd reason!:)Even I think it’s mean.Anyway,money comes and goes.

    #751250
    cshapiro
    Member

    but looks last forever…!!??! lol

    #751251
    oomis
    Participant

    “oomis- the inspiration of the idea did come to me on Purim… Havent yet grown out of the Purim Spirit to decide if this is a tot wacky shpiel or a tot wacky idea that can be applied on a regular day.. :)) “

    s2021 – :0)

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