Is this tznius????

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    By where i teach it is very hard to find parking every morning. I circle around the school looking for parking for atleast 20 min. everyday!

    One day i was veryyy late and I finally found a parking spot. I called the principal to let her know i would be there soon. For some reason i couldn’t get in the spot that i found, i think it was a little tight but definately a spot i could fit into. As i was struggling to get in, i saw one of the rebbis who teaches at the school, I rolled down the window and asked him politely if he could do me a favor and park the car for me( i figured all men know how to park)He looked at me, put his head down and said he was sorry but late. Is what i asked him to do not tznius?? Could that be one of the reasons to why he said no?? i feel very embarrassed around him now, should i be? Ooo and i finally got in the spot, but was very late to work.


    He was probably running late,just like you were.


    Huvi, his obligation was to his employer and his class and not to help a damsel in distress. You were both running late and whether it was tznius or not, he probably did not think it was appropriate for you to ask the favor.


    “i figured all men know how to park”

    I am a man, and that assumption is wrong.

    I live in a city where parking skills are not as critical.

    A strong possibility is that he did not want to damage two cars.


    Had you told him you were in a hurry to get someone very ill to the doctor, then it would have been ok. Nothing to do with Tznius.


    I don’t think it’s a tznius issue. You put him on the spot, though. Could be he feels bad that he could not stop to help you so he’s a little uncomfortable when he sees you.


    There’s nothing not Tzniusdik about asking a serious request.


    Are you married?



    I agree with the Rebbi, and think it is not tznius.

    Women often flirt with men by asking them to do things which are “manly”. Like carrying heavy things, reaching high things, etc.

    Even if you did not mean to flirt, and I believe you, there is still that tension.

    I would not have parked for you.


    Not a Tznius issue at all.


    popa bar abba

    Let’s not get confused with sincere requests (as HaLeiVi put it)and flirting. You should be able to tell the difference.

    Men are not exempt from chessed, even when the receiver is a woman.


    Of course it makes a difference if it is a sincere need. But in many cases, I still think it would not be tznius.

    Men are not exempt from chessed, but chessed is only a mitzva when it is what G-d wants.

    The only end in Judaism is ratzon Hashem.


    I guess we’re basically in agreement, then, that it’s a matter of judgement.

    Avram in MD

    If the OP’s specific request was asked of me, I would feel a bit uncomfortable for two reasons:

    1.) If she couldn’t get the car parked, why would I have more success? And then I’d be responsible for damaging two vehicles that were not mine.

    2.) I view a car as a somewhat personal space, so I would feel uncomfortable getting into it from a tznius standpoint. I would have no problem if the help involved something like changing a flat tire, since that would not involve me actually getting into her car.

    Also, knowing my personality, if I were asked that question and put on the spot, I’d probably hang my head and stammer something similar to what the rebbi in this story said, and then regret it later. Having the benefit of sitting in a warm office with a minute to think about the best response, I’d probably make a self deprecating joke about not letting me do it for the safety of her car and the ones around it, apologize, and move on. Or possibly offer to help guide the parking from the outside through hand signals, if that were helpful.


    Huvi, start parking 2 blocks down and walk. you will get to class on time.


    Not a tznius issue; a sechel issue.

    How presumptuious of you to ask someone to park your car. What is he.. valet?

    well, not usually caustic anyway


    I doubt it was a tznius issue. Take him at his word, he was late,too. And he probably didn’t want to be responsible for potentially damaging someone else’s car.

    And while guys’ spatial skills are supposedly better than women’s, you cannot assume ANY guy is a better driver than yourself. Guys get into more car accidents, according to insurance reports.


    “i figured all men know how to park)”

    Failed 2 road tests because I couldnt park 🙂 I’m glad I have a driveway now. I try and do as much shopping as possible in a mall where there is no parallel parking. Parking still gives me fits.

    Avram in MD


    Not a tznius issue; a sechel issue.

    How presumptuious of you to ask someone to park your car. What is he.. valet?

    When I pictured the scene described by the OP, I thought of a car halfway in a tight spot and inches from other parked cars, not a car in the middle of the aisle with a woman saying, “park this for me, please!”

    The more I think about the situation, I think the best way to have handled it would have been to say, “is it possible you can tell me if I’m getting too close to the car over there? This is the only spot I can find and I don’t want to hit anyone’s car!!”

    I have done this for others when watching them attempt to park near me and obviously having trouble seeing how close they are to the other cars.


    I dont think its a Tznius issue… its a Derech Eretz issue.

    I would NEVER ask a Rebbi to park my car!

    A point of clarification, was he coming out of his car? Maybe he doesnt drive…


    Not a tznius issue.

    I once asked a man I worked with to move my car. It was crammed in between 11 vehicles, needing to backed out in an electrical substation with people milling about and construction debris everywhere.

    He agreed no problem.

    I don’t think I would ask a stranger though.

    m in Israel

    “He looked at me, put his head down and said he was sorry but late.”

    This poor Rebbe! Does he have a history of dishonesty, or am I missing something here? You asked a favor, he politely turned you down with a very reasonable explanation — why does there have to be more to this issue? Why could it not be that he was telling you the truth and was late? Particularly as you taught in the same place and know that you were also late (having just called your principal to apologize!) Nothing wrong with you asking, nothing wrong with him being unable to do you the favor.


    apushatayid, how did u pass?


    Doesn’t sound like it was a tzinus issue. As other posters said, he might have been late himself. Or didn’t want to be seen “shmoozing” with a lady.


    onegoal- yes i am married.

    yes he did come out of his own car so he knows how to drive.

    i wasnt asking if what he did was wrong, i was wondering if what i did was wrong?

    amichai- Are u serious? u dont think ive tried that already, i literally parked 7 blocks from school once. There is noooo parking anywhere! The faculty fights over spots!

    When speakin to a coworker of mine today she said how its totally not a tznius issue by him cus he once asked her if she was is wifes friend cus she looked very familiar, nowwww that i consider untznius!!!

    It was probably cus he was late himself.


    maybe he doesnt know how to park that well and when dealing with a car, its hard for a man to say he doesnt know – like asking directions…lol!

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