Israeli Parenting style vs the US.

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  • #2099276
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    I was reading about the missing bucher in Israel, hopefully IYH he will be found safe soon, I could not get over the differance of parenting style in the Israel vs the US. The bucher ran around unsupervised since his bar mitzva, going into Arab Villages, hitching with all types, no cell phone, no checking in with parents, my sons would never have gotten away with behavior like that, same with me and my parents.
    I hope this boy will be found soon and this is NOT criticism of the parents, just an observation of a more relaxed parenting sytle in Israel

    #2099406
    ujm
    Participant

    Parenting style in the US was also like that until about 40 years ago.

    In any event, in the US Yidden parent very differently than American goyim. And even within frum communities you’ll find vastly different parenting styles between Williamsburg compared to Lakewood compared to Five Towns.

    #2099456
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Why the assumption that it’s a general parenting style rather than one specific case?

    #2099474
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    ‘And even within frum communities you’ll find vastly different parenting styles between Williamsburg compared to Lakewood compared to Five Towns’

    Assuming this is a serious comment, HOW are the parenting styles different as between Willy and Lkwd??

    #2099478
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @Daas, because I have seen similar type behavior with other children in Israel

    #2099482
    e.tova
    Participant

    I live in Israel and I can verify this is a general parenting style. I see kids as young as 2 (yes, 2) in the park unsupervised by any adult, or supervised by an older sibling (who is too busy playing with their friends to actually watch or take responsibility for their younger brother or sister). I see 4 year olds walking to gan by themselves. “Street kids.” It’s lazy, naive, and to me, shocking. I do not let my young kids go around with adult supervision (and the adult has to be “approved” by me). I have had countless experiences of people in my neighborhood calling around saying “Has anyone seen my 2-y-o? They were in the park earlier and have disappeared. Please daven!” How about “Please do hishtadlus and take responsibility for the many kids you insist on having?” If your kid wants to go to the park, you go with them, or you pay out for a responsible babysitter. Growing up in England, I was never allowed to go around on my own that young. This is something I happen to feel very strongly about, and I’m constantly going against the grain in my neighborhood by insisting on dropping off and picking up my kids from gan and every playdate rather than walking home on their own. Do people think the world is safe, or something? It’s not.

    #2099488
    e.tova
    Participant

    I meant “I do not let my young kids go around WITHOUT adult supervision”

    #2099498
    ujm
    Participant

    When I was a kid, I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow, with no shoes or jacket.

    #2099536
    Yabia Omer
    Participant

    Israeli style: breeds independent, resourceful, happy kids.
    American: breeds fearful, entitled, dependent kids. Plus American parents are too over protective, anxious etc.

    #2099553
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    UJM: Thanks for the clarification…..assuming you lived downhill from the cheider, you would have to walk “uphill” in the morning but in theory, that would result in a “downhill” walk to return home, unless your parents moved during the day to a new home further uphill from the cheider, which would reflect TWO uphill barefoot treks in the snow, but only for ONE day. Perhaps you are speaking metaphorically in terms of your raising up your neshama through the time you spent learning your alfeph beis, harassing the girls at the adjacent beis yakov during recess or building LEGO models of the beis hamikdash such that every trek in the snow was an uphill spiritual journey.

    #2099555
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @UJM, that is very impressive, but when you were 12/13/14 were you hitchhiking all over the country taking hitches with know drug dealers and molesters? disappearing for a week at a time and no one knew where you were? parading around in hostile areas where people were ready to kill you?
    If I would have done any of the above my parents would have tanned my hide so bad I would have never forgotten it and you can be sure I would have never done such a stupid thing again.

    #2099684

    Gadol, thanks for explaining this old adage: of course, it means that the person should always go “up” – when he leaves the house and when he comes back! To remind yourself of this practice, you should always leave the house from the basement so that then you go “up”, and then come back to the first floor (or whatever is the top floor when you live on a terrace).

    #2099700
    Ruggiepo
    Participant

    Dear Common Saychel,
    I dont usually comment on these things but my heart is crying when I read your letter. You have no idea what so ever about the life of this boy – how can you judge his family? Did you ever stop to think that maybe there is something you don’t know about? Perhaps mental illness? Or something else? Not that I know, but you don’t either. And the family has their right to privacy. This touches me deeply because I have a mildly mentaly retarded son with comorbities of mental illness, who actually looks pretty normal, and Boruch Hashem I normally don’t get judgmental comments like yours, but it really hurts when I do…..So please be kind….

    #2099710
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    AAQ: But chazal bring down the inyan of how to always be “oleh” on returning home when you live in a cave as some of the troglodytes clearly prefer.

    #2099751
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @Ruggipo, First of all I wrote about different parenting styles in the US vs Israel, Israel being more relaxed, I wrote this is NOT about this particular family.
    FYI I have a son who is high functioning ASD and once walked away from his Yeshiva Shabbaton and called me on motza to tell me where he was , this happened once and there was reprecussions for this behavior, the opposite of saying this behavior is just peachy keen

    #2099756
    Nechomah
    Participant

    @common saychel

    “when you were 12/13/14 were you hitchhiking all over the country taking hitches with know drug dealers and molesters? disappearing for a week at a time and no one knew where you were? parading around in hostile areas where people were ready to kill you?”

    I’m curious where you read this about the boy?

    #2099835
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @Nechoma, this past week interview with his parents in the AMI

    #2099874
    DovidBT
    Participant

    When I was a kid, I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow, with no shoes or jacket.

    When I was a kid, we were too poor to have snow. We had to pretend there was snow by walking slowly.

    #2099910
    Shmiras Haloshon
    Participant

    While in general Israeli parenting a lot more relaxed than American parenting, this was a special situation and we should not be judging.

    #2102412
    modern
    Participant

    I was never supervised by parents after kindergarten. I just went out and played. As long as I came back before dinner there were no problems. This was the 1960s and 1970s.

    US parents today are damaging their kids by making all their decisions for them. By the time they make it to college they are still immature and irresponsible. Israel is the place to raise kids today.

    #2102427

    modern > I was never supervised by parents after kindergarten.

    This is a statistical mistake. You see how many people turned out well after not being supervised/going to bad schools/etc – except you do not see those who got into an accident, went with wrong people, intermarried…

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