September 2, 2011 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #599100taking a breakMember
my friend is desperate to get married. we just finished one year out of seminary and she has her BA and is applying to a BA to BSN program. she’s not even 20 yet and she’s acting like she’s an older single! how do i tell her to chill out? yes i know she wants to get married but all she thinks about is shidduchim and shadchanim and “when i get married….” and “my hubby to be….”
how do i tell her (and she will listen) that she will find her bashert at the right time and there is no reason to rush the process?September 2, 2011 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #805207TheGoqParticipant
How do older singles act?September 2, 2011 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #805208CheinMember
Why shouldn’t she rush the process? It’s a mitzvah to get married, and the earlier the better. Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l encouraged girls to get married straight out of high school, at age 17 and 18. He speaks of this in his seforim.September 2, 2011 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #805209collegegradMember
don’t worry hopefully she will get married soon and if she doesn’t she will slowly start growing up and maturing and the real world will kick in and she’ll stop saying when i get married…. in every other sentence.September 2, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #805210WIYMember
Taking a break
Is your friend truly ready for marriage?September 2, 2011 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm #805211taking a breakMember
sorry i really wasnt so clear. what i meant to say was she is always talking about the topic. she’ll say i want to be married already!!! where is he hiding??? its a little bit of an obsession and its always on her mind. sometimes i think she is despairing because she is single and sometimes sounds desperate. (to contrast, i’ve been 20 a while but my parents know i’m not in a rush. would i like to be married? yes. but right now i’m in school basically full time. if a name come up, yes we look into it but my parents know i’m not going to run to shadchanim because i’m not married) is it really normal for girls to be obsessed about it? maybe i’m just the odd one outSeptember 2, 2011 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #805212gavra_at_workParticipant
Why shouldn’t she rush the process? It’s a mitzvah to get married, and the earlier the better. Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l encouraged girls to get married straight out of high school, at age 17 and 18. He speaks of this in his seforim.
Rav Miller also says that the husband should work and be the king of the home. If she will go work and be the king, and allow her husband to learn, she will need time to prepare.September 2, 2011 4:58 pm at 4:58 pm #805213kol daveedMember
As my Rav said, “(We need to work) calming down and relaxing everything will come in its right time.”
When HaKadosh Baruch Hu feels that she is ready for her bashert and he for her, they will surely meet. Everything in this world happens precisely at its right time and not a moment sooner. I would instruct your friend to focus on how she can improve herself so that once she meets her bashert she is ready for him. Until that time when we all meet our basherts, we have the unique opportunity to prepare ourselves – fix our negative middos (anger, arrogance, greed, lust etc.) and develop our positive ones (patience, compassion, respect, etc.), learn skills (cooking, cleaning, time and money management), and to learn Torah. Certainly, one can and should work on himself throughout life, but we have the greatest opportunity now while we are still single and independent to grow the most. Hatzlacha rabbah and Good Shabbos!September 4, 2011 2:50 am at 2:50 am #805214ilovetheholylandParticipant
right when i came home from seminary, my closest friends all started dating right away. im now two years out and all my close friends are married b”h. i have never gone out yet because as i have mentioned in previous posts, i am a bit on the heavier side and im working on getting it under control. (also, because of that, its TEN TIMES harder to get dates, but thats a seperate issue…) so basically, i’ll be 21 soon, i havent started dating, and my really close friends are all having babies already! b”h, i could not be happier for them!!!!! but there was a time when i was having a VERY hard time with it. i felt like everyone besides me was moving on in life, while i was just on the sidelines watching. but then i realized, that now i have so much oppertunity that none of my married friens will ever have! i am single, i have very few obligations and responsibilities tying me down right now, and i can say that i although i would LOVE to get married sometime soon, i am REALLY HAPPY with where i am right now!!! everyone who is in this situation, should just LIVE IT UP!!! once youre married, you cant just do whatever you want, whenever you want!!!
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