Jealousy

Being jealous of someone’s Torah is an example of a “good jealousy”.

best answer i’ve always heard was: would you rather be them with all their problems also or you? also, i find that those times where i am most being me – using my strengths, talents, spiritual abilities – i’m not jealous. but when i’mm not happy with myself and not fulfilling my tachlis, i can be filled with jealousy.

jealousy can also be useful – the things you are jealous of reveal what you want to be: use that info. to develop yourself

Another way to overcome jealousy is when you are jealous of someone realize that NOONE in this world has a perfect life! Although to the outsider (you) it looks like her job is the best, or her kids are the smartest/cutest but you dont know what goes on behind closed doors. How she really doesnt have shalom bayis, or maybe Chas V sholom one of her kids are sick. People know how to hide things and pretend all is well.

Lets say it was possible to trade lives with her however, everything is a package deal. You can’t pick and choose what you would want from her life If you want to trade jobs with her, or wish for her kids you really wouldnt want her life! Her package deal comes with her. You dont want her life and would rather keep your own “package”.

(I am writing this really quickly, but observateen do you understand what I’m trying to say?)

I’m also quite a jealous type. But like everyone is saying there’s always more to the picture than you see.

I once saw this so clearly, years ago, when I was a kid in camp, there were a few girls in my grade who I would look at with plain E-N-V-Y. They looked like they had everything, money, beautiful clothes, friends, parents who sent care-packages all the time… and then I learnt at the end of the summer, one didn’t have a father, one’s brother was very sick, and one had major family issues… but even though I learnt this lesson well then, I still sometimes struggle with it, it’s a constant battle.

And it’s funny, because recently I really settled down, married happily BH, love my job, my apartment… have so much to thank Hashem for, so you’d think that this problem would disapear, but as happy as I am, sometimes I’ll see something by someone else (especially if I feel it isn’t fair), and it will pinch! But I am better these days, I think, i hope…

I hear where you’re coming from but think of it this way: you’re friend may have something which seems amazing, but she also has a different tafkid in this world than you do so maybe theres no need for you to have that specific thing. Example- someone has a huge house and ends up hosting people for neighborhood Simchas. Her friend who delivers packages for Tomchei Shabbos doesn’t need all that space, so even though she might like it, its not connected to her purpose on this world. (Am I just rambling here?)

*kapusta*

this isn’t advice, sorry…

but I’m a little jealous that my daughter’s in-laws are going away to a hotel in Florida again this Pesach. there! I’ve said it.

observanteen — Acknowledging and trying to address these feelings are a bit part of the battle! This has sort of been said already, but I find the most helpful message to be giving myself is the idea that we are put in this world for a specific purpose, and as R’Ellis, shlita says, all the details of your situation are “custom made” to allow you to accomplish what you need to accomplish. When you stay focused on the end goal, and realize that even if we don’t know why, our situation is best for us, it helps.

There’s a great song on the kids tape “Uncle Moishy Visits Torah Island”, where they basically talk about how each profession has it’s own “tools”, and the chorus goes something like this:

“Every Jew has a mission —

A special job to do,

And whatever you need to do your job,

Hashem will give to you.

So if your friend has more talents, more ???,

More games, or more money to spend,

Just remember, you don’t need it!

And be happy for your friend.”

Good luck!!

thanks m in Israel -I love that poem/song from Uncle Moishy –

I think the bottom line is that you have to realize that it is ASSUR to be jealous, right up there with not killing…..

It is definitely hard, and there are people who have charmed lives without sick or missing parents,siblings, etc. It is all a nisayon to make us have to work on ourselves. Jealousy is a very common middah and I doubt anyone is immune.

Practical tips really are back to basics, mesillas yeshorim, chovos halevovos, good shiurim that talk to you.

Focusing on spending each day accomplishing what you can will distract you from being absorbed in the COMPARISON race which leads to jealousy.

There will always be somebody who can do it better, is richer,prettier,smarter,more popular,etc. But you were created by the master designer with your specific journey, with everything that you need perfectly provided.

Focus on that and what you can do with it.