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How can I stop being a jelous person… I once took a personality test and it said it’s in my nature to be a jelous person, No it did not convince me of this since I was aware of this before I even took the test.. I guess I know myself… How can I over come this nature. It’s killing me in more ways than one!!
hakina vehakovod vehataivo motziin es haadam min haolom!!!! Sooo true!!
I once heard a very interesting take on jealousy….The fellow said that if you are jealous you are doubting Hashem’s ability to
provide for you. It’s as if you are saying that because Hashem gave person A something, He is unable to provide for you. If you believe that Hashem “Hakol Yachol” then you needn’t be jealous. Hashem can provide you with whatever He deems you need!! Hope this thought helps.
And what if you think that Hashem can give you something but chooses not to? How does that help with jealousy?
Half, please try to remember that you only “think” that others are having an easy ride. You only see what they allow you to see but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and not everyone wears their hearts on their sleeves. Not everyone talks about their tzoris, many people hide it very well. So just because someone is driving a nice car or has nice jewelry that doesn’t mean that Hashem is not testing them with other things. Just because it seems like someone has an easy life now, that doesn’t mean that it was always easy and they never had any struggles, or that Hashem doesn’t have something planned for them in the future.
You do know how that saying goes, the one my own mother used to say all the time, if everyone would put their pekel on the table, each person would take their own pekel back. Hashem doesn’t give anyone more than they can handle, so be happy that you can and will handle whatever it is Hashem has given to you. Don’t be jealous of others because you really don’t know what their pekel is, you only think you know.
How do you think someone who was once very wealthy and was used to have everything they ever wanted feels or deals with hard times and lose everything they have. Is it harder to not have what others have or to have it and lose it?
Sam2, I don’t think it helps. In fact, that would just make me more upset knowing that he gave so-and-so that big house, fur coat, house in the country and whatever and I have to live with less!
I also deal with jealousy. I dont know how I handle it except to be aware of my feelings and to try to realize what the CD in my head is playing. THen I dispell or discredit those beliefs.
First of all from my life experiences, I have learned that what you assume is going on by someone else is NOT necessarily true. What I am trying to tell you, is don’t make assumptions. You really never know what is truly doing by someone else. I personally was raised not to really care what is going on by someone else, that comes along with emuna, that whatever was destined for me will be mine anyway.Hatzlocha with your struggles. I am sure you can do it!
The best way not to be jealous is to realize that most of the people you are jealous of aren’t doing nearly as well as you think. You know your issues, but you do not know theirs. I just heard this point this morning from Rabbi shafier during my commute (shmuz#156)
Always: I was merely pointing out that jealousy does not necessarily mean a denial of the fact that Hashem can do anything he wants.
Hi Half.
I learned a lot from the responses to your question. Thank you for being honest and brave enough to confront this challenge of human nature. I have to say this is a great thread.
I once heard something about how sometimes,parents will see that one of their children are having a hard time with something so they will do something special just for that child because they know that its something that specific child needs. The same is with Hashem, he may give certain things to certain people because that is what they need at that time.
I hasten to remind the OP and everyone else that jelousy isn’t simply a negative character trait, it is an issur d’Oraisah. Telling oneself that others don’t really have anything to be jealous about misses the point.
Well, as long as you don’t convince the other person to sell you the item you are jealous of, you weren’t Over the Deoraisa.
After just checking out the other two jealousy threads I can’t believe I hadn’t posted the following earlier:
As funny as this sounds, STOP LOOKING! Don’t interest yourself in what other people get or have. Don’t discuss it and don’t stare at it. It’s counter-intuitive but people are usually pulled to look at exactly that which makes them jealous. Put it out of your life. When the topic comes up in your mind, dismiss it by realizing that it is not in your interest to think about it, and you are therefore not interested.
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