Kibud Av

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  • #594307
    Sender Av
    Member

    This mitzvah is extremely hard for me…and seems to get harder than easier. Any suggestions or methods I could use to help me out??? I apologize if there has been a thread like this before here that I missed.

    #730033
    Professional
    Member

    some things we are expected to do (one of Aseres Hadibros is honoring our parents) are not always easy, and we still have to do it.

    What makes it hard for you?

    Anything that comes with difficulty is rewarded accordingly. Try as much as you can, Hatzlacha!

    #730034
    believer3
    Participant

    It says “Kabed es avicha,” not “v’ahavta.” Just show respect and every step you take is huge! Lefum tza’ra agra. R’ Dessler says that when we give to others, it makes us love them. Try that. If your father upsets you, perhaps attempt to think what he felt at the time. Sometimes, rachmanus helps.

    #730035
    aries2756
    Participant

    Sometimes we have to choose to forgive even though we don’t forget. Sometimes the people we love the most are the most difficult people in the world to deal with but if it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t even be here. So we take a deep breath, put a smile on our face and do what we need to do. It is a challenge but one that we can overcome.

    Maybe it is Hashem who is testing us and not our parents who are testing us. Do we dare fail at this test? Would our parents have turned their backs on us if we were difficult children? Can we honestly say that WE never hurt our parents, can we truly remember all the way back to when we were infants? We are not expected to do the impossible, just love them and respect them and do what we can.

    #730036
    The Best Bubby
    Participant

    Sender Av: There is an expression that is very apt. A Mother and Father can have 12 children and look after all of them till they die (or marry and more!, BUT, one child can’t look after his parent/s in their old age!!!!! How true are the words of Aries 2756…

    How lucky you are that you have Parents to give kavod and honor/love to – ad meah ve esrim shana. Unfortunately, my Parents Z’TL are long gone, and I was the only child. I only wish every day that I still had my beloved Parents Z’TL to do kibbud Av ve Em kehalacha. When I sat shiva, I did not have any regrets. When you visit people in shiva, they usually say, “if only…” , “I wish I did…”. I had not one iota of regret. I did everything humanly possible and more. Even if I wanted to do more, there was not a thing I possibly could have done. And, by the way, my Parents’ Z’TL said this before they were nifter, and all the Drs and nurses, who still keep in contact with me, after all these years. One of the nurses, called me when she was in town, (she retired to Florida years ago, I invited her and her 2 friends to come for dinner at our home. It was such a kiddush Hashem for them to meet our family and tell our children how I looked after my parents Z’TL, for months on end.

    How would you want your children to look after you when you are old? What example are giving your children of Kibbud Av ve Em, which is one of the most important mitzvot in the world?

    Smile, be happy, and do what should be done with sever panim yafot!

    #730037
    Sender Av
    Member

    I have no problem being with him and I dont think I will have trouble looking after him when he gets older (G-D willing) as he set an example taking care of his mother, my bubbie A’H. It is just that right now it is hard when we have different schedules, need to get together on many things, and have slightly different opinions on some things not most, and I get a little antsy and impatient and I dont mean to. As hard as I try I usually break and give to my yetzer hara. For example we learn together and I think we should always try to get to beis medresh on time and sometimes he is running slow and I get aggravated.

    #730038

    SenderAv:

    I don’t know what your situation is, but sometimes in order to fix a relationship you need to take a break to re-frame it. In my case I minimized contact with my parents for a while as I worked to adjust my views of myself and my parents and what steps I could take to take control of our relationship to make it as healthy as it could be under the circumstances that I was put in.

    #730039
    Sender Av
    Member

    Derech Hamelech, thank G-D it is not that bad in my situation. I have heard some horrible stories though. It is mostly me. My father is great, but like I said I have my own schedule and needs and I try and need to learn how to better respect and help my father and NOT make him try to do things MY way but make me try and go according to his schedule and help him when he needs it. I find myself impatient. Like if I need help, he is more than happy to help me, but if he needs help I find it really difficult sometimes to get up and help him. It makes me feel really bad.

    #730040
    aries2756
    Participant

    Sender, try remembering that when you were a child, he had to slow down to accompany you. When you first learned to walk, he had to pace himself to your speed so you could keep up with him. I am sure he was late many a time because you held him back. I am sure he had to readjust his schedule to meet your needs. I am sure there were many times he had to cancel his appointments to accommodate your needs.

    Sender, B”H you have a father to accommodate. I don’t know how old you are or how old he is, but life does not go on forever. Cherish every moment you have together. Cherish every extra second he holds you back and you get to spend with him. Believe me it is time well spent and not wasted.

    #730041
    Sender Av
    Member

    Thank you Aries. Well said. I hope I got the point. As I said it is a very difficult yetzer hara.

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